All I think about

[Wombat]

shouldn't you be in a traveling circus somewhere maybe washing clown underwear?

Biatch!!!!

I think I like you *grrrr*

[HollandofFrance]

Biatch!!!!

I think I like you *grrrr*

you were in a circus?

[Wombat]

I've always thought we were all in a circus - the circus of life - and those of us who do the most tumbles get the biggest applause?

I could be wrong of course but I doubt it

[azulai]

Silence:
I'm not sure where you cut but it takes time to win the battle with your mind. The bands may help but not all cutters do so on their wrists. One thing that might help is to get a water-based red marker with a soft tip. Draw your cuts with the soft tip marker so that your mind gets some release/visual BUT, talk yourself out of needing the pain. Maybe even write about what you would be feeling. This might help with a gradual weening off of the cutting.

There are some aspects of your story that are eerily similar to mine. Even your username reminds me of how I use to describe what I was going through at about your age but I called it silent screaming.

I know you are scared but you do have to fight for yourself. The healing happens slowly. You have to be patient with yourself but you must keep moving forward. I know you get tired -- exhausted from the conflict -- but fight it.

The anger that you keep turning toward yourself is what you need to get control of. That is where I had to start. YOU have to change the direction. You have to give VOICE to your pain, don't keep it in and direct it toward yourself.

You are special. You are unique. And, being gay is actually quite awesome. :biggrin: I want you to discover that, I really do. Don't let other people steal your journey through life.

It's taken me a while to post in one of your threads because well, honestly, they upset me. And, sometimes I just don't want to go back. I've just been having trouble finding the words, but I'm around, ok?

[HollandofFrance]

search youtube for dutch organ barrel music

[azulai]

Dear Holland and Wombat -- the OP has a very real issue -- don't hijack HIS thread with shit talk. Go start another thread and shit talk. Thanks.

[mrk2010]

Yet again this thread has been hijacked by a certain someone :mad:

That's really good sadsilence that's you have stopped cutting for the time you have, try to keep it up. :-) you will probably feel a connection to self harm in some for for the rest of your life, it's just the way it is I'm afraid. In terms of teachers, they shouldn't really be treating you that way and I'd be in two minds to actually complain ad see something done about it. Also with regard to the the bullies tell your dad and get him to go into the school and complain about the bullying, or even get him to threaten legal action so the school takes it seriously even if it is just a threat. Things will get better.

[Wombat]

Dear Holland and Wombat -- the OP has a very real issue -- don't hijack HIS thread with shit talk. Go start another thread and shit talk. Thanks.

Don't be petty and think you might offend me.
I was a psychiatrist for almost ten years and I'm willing to bet I've seen (and heard) a lot more "shit" than you have -_-

[faceslikemine]

SS, I would just to say you're doing very well to be open about your problem. The most important thing to remember is to embrace your emotions and never shy away; trying to hide from your fears will only make you feel more trapped and the urge to cut will only get stronger. Right now it is hell but one day (and I know I'm repeating what several other posters have already said here) you will look back smiling. Don't look at the future as years of misery. Take each day as it comes and sure enough, with enough of these baby steps you'll find that long-sought light at the end of this awful tunnel.

Promise yourself you will never forget what today feels like - how these dark days shape you. Years from now there will be kids 14, 15, 16 y.o. going through the same things you are going through - and they will be counting on someone like you who has lived the misery of their present and can see the hope in their future. Don't give up! And most importantly, remember: We're all here rooting for you

[monk]

Whats goin on..

have you seen this?

Oh God . . .