Im in love without someone far away, HELP
03-19-2012, 08:16 AM
Hi guys, i've decided to write this down as it is a very important event that happened in my life recently and i need some advice as to what i should do. Before I start off, I just want to say that I have never been in love with anyone like this before. The few relationships I have been in, I quickly became tired with the relationship and the person i was with. I never knew what love was until I met this person. And before we start off, let's just say this guys name is john. Some important details i guess are that I am 18 and he is 19, i'm in the closet, him openly gay, and we live just about 1000 miles away from one another.
Anyways, I met John about a year ago on a gay dating app and we immediately clicked for whatever reason. He is such an attractive guy and we held good conversation. Immediately we started texting each other for what was about every day for a whole month. I finally got the courage to call him a few times, as i was really nervous because i was crushing hard, and i loved his voice and we just clicked. We kept telling each other of ways to meet eachother, such as driving to meet halfway etc. Eventually though, he got a local boyfriend and told me. He said he was very sorry but I should've known it would never work. He said had we lived closer, we would definitly date. When he told me i was crushed and even almost started crying. I know it sounds pathetic, but i felt like we had a close bond. I ended up getting over it in about a week though and moved on with my life, knowing we wouldn't see each other and it was kind of stupid to begin with. We did continue to talk, he would tell me about his boyfriend and i would tell him about the one i had at the time, etc.
However, just a week ago, me and a couple friends went to Panama City Florida for spring break. The week prior he told me he was going to be there too the same week i was. I almost shit bricks. This must have been fate. We were both so excited to finally meet one another and he would tell me how he couldnt wait to meet me. My second to last day therre we finally met up late one night. I drank quite a bit to get loose as i was very nervous to meet him. My friend dropped me off at his hotel around one in the morning and we finally met. Note, that I had completely gotten over him and i just wanted to get to know him and probably hook up, which was inevitable. But when we met the spark began again... he has the cutest face, is tall, and turned out to have an amazing personality. We walked the beach for about an hour and talked the whole time, not an awkward silence or awkward moment. We finally laid down on the beach and hooked up. It felt so right, and he enjoyed my company as much as i did his. We eventually walked back to his hotel. On the way back, someone yelled "Faggots" really loud at us, something that would've bothered the hell out of me under different circumstances. But at that moment, i didnt care at all, I just laughed, because it felt so right holding hands with him and being by his side. When we reached his room we went to sleep right away. He made a makeshift bed on the floor for me and him, as his roomates were asleep already, taking up space. Even though it was on the floor and uncomfortable, sleeping with him felt so right. He kept calling me amazing and it was fate meeting each other like this. We both kept waking up numerous times because we were on the floor, but we held each other so tight, kept kissing, etc. I don't want to get graphic, but I eventually went down on him and he came instantly. He was super embarressed but i honestly felt amazing because i knew that he was really turned on by me. I laughed it off and he fell asleep in my arms, me feeling that much closer to him.
When i woke up, i was very embarressed, as his friends we're crowding around us asking us questions and freaking out because they had never seen me before. John was embarresed and kept apologizing to me for his friends behavior. I eventually met them, but i was very hung over and too embarressed to really say anything. They invited me to hang with them that day, but i just couldnt bring myself to. John took me back to my hotel, about a 20 minute drive and we talked but not as much as the night before. I didnt talk much because i kept thinking about how much i liked him and felt self conscious because i knew i looked like shit. I feel that he didnt talk much either because he felt the same way. When he dropped me off, he invited me too come over again, but i personally wanted to make this the last goodbye. I knew i had never met someone like this before and i wanted to be with him so bad, but i knew only being around him more would make me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. I wanted to kiss him goodbye, but there were people all around us so i told him i would see him soon.
I got drunk again that night and i couldnt stop thinking about him, so i started texting him that night. I knew i loved the guy but i didnt know how he felt about me. I was very depressed that night and kept texting him telling him that im not good enough and i just want to find the right guy in my life but i never can and never will. He told me i was amazing and i shouldnt settle for anything less than perfection, etc. etc. He told me i was amazing and this just made me feel so good. I knew me and him were at a conclusion, good long distance friends, and i knew we have feelings for one another, but i knew i could move on with my life and decided to spend the rest of my trip with my friends and without seeing him.
The last day as we checked out of our hotel, me and my friends went shopping. Just as we were about to leave Panama City, i needed to go into a burger king to take a bathroom break. Fate was working with me again and we saw each other and were freaking out about how coincidental it was to be in the same place at the same time. We pretty much just said hi and i went to the bathroom to do my business. About 30 seconds later, John came in to the bathroom to talk to me and say goodbye, as today was my last day. However, when he tried to talk to me, i was left speechless. I started shaking uncontrolably but i dont think he saw. I was a nervous wreck. I knew that i loved him and still do. I was hoping i wouldnt see him again but that rare occurance just screwed everything up for me. He kept giving me playful nudges and was happy to see me, we hugged, and i told him i would see him again someday and left.
Ever since that moment i cannot stop thinking about him. I know he is the one for me and i would do anything to be with him. As of right now, we still text, but i havnt let him know how much i love him. He is single, as am I, but I feel i shouldnt start this whole long distance thing with him. I know he really likes me, and i know for a fact we would be dating and probably end up together had we lived in the same area. But i feel that i like him more than he likes me. I LOVE him. Because of our long distance, it looks like he quickly got over it, but i feel like im still hanging on...i just know he's the one.
Hopefully you beared with my long assd story. I'm sorry i'm on here posting like a hopeless romantic but i just need advice. Should i tell him how i feel? Should i wait until we meet again someday? Or should i just move on with my life? I have never felt this way about someone before...and it's awful. Please help me out
Anyways, I met John about a year ago on a gay dating app and we immediately clicked for whatever reason. He is such an attractive guy and we held good conversation. Immediately we started texting each other for what was about every day for a whole month. I finally got the courage to call him a few times, as i was really nervous because i was crushing hard, and i loved his voice and we just clicked. We kept telling each other of ways to meet eachother, such as driving to meet halfway etc. Eventually though, he got a local boyfriend and told me. He said he was very sorry but I should've known it would never work. He said had we lived closer, we would definitly date. When he told me i was crushed and even almost started crying. I know it sounds pathetic, but i felt like we had a close bond. I ended up getting over it in about a week though and moved on with my life, knowing we wouldn't see each other and it was kind of stupid to begin with. We did continue to talk, he would tell me about his boyfriend and i would tell him about the one i had at the time, etc.
However, just a week ago, me and a couple friends went to Panama City Florida for spring break. The week prior he told me he was going to be there too the same week i was. I almost shit bricks. This must have been fate. We were both so excited to finally meet one another and he would tell me how he couldnt wait to meet me. My second to last day therre we finally met up late one night. I drank quite a bit to get loose as i was very nervous to meet him. My friend dropped me off at his hotel around one in the morning and we finally met. Note, that I had completely gotten over him and i just wanted to get to know him and probably hook up, which was inevitable. But when we met the spark began again... he has the cutest face, is tall, and turned out to have an amazing personality. We walked the beach for about an hour and talked the whole time, not an awkward silence or awkward moment. We finally laid down on the beach and hooked up. It felt so right, and he enjoyed my company as much as i did his. We eventually walked back to his hotel. On the way back, someone yelled "Faggots" really loud at us, something that would've bothered the hell out of me under different circumstances. But at that moment, i didnt care at all, I just laughed, because it felt so right holding hands with him and being by his side. When we reached his room we went to sleep right away. He made a makeshift bed on the floor for me and him, as his roomates were asleep already, taking up space. Even though it was on the floor and uncomfortable, sleeping with him felt so right. He kept calling me amazing and it was fate meeting each other like this. We both kept waking up numerous times because we were on the floor, but we held each other so tight, kept kissing, etc. I don't want to get graphic, but I eventually went down on him and he came instantly. He was super embarressed but i honestly felt amazing because i knew that he was really turned on by me. I laughed it off and he fell asleep in my arms, me feeling that much closer to him.
When i woke up, i was very embarressed, as his friends we're crowding around us asking us questions and freaking out because they had never seen me before. John was embarresed and kept apologizing to me for his friends behavior. I eventually met them, but i was very hung over and too embarressed to really say anything. They invited me to hang with them that day, but i just couldnt bring myself to. John took me back to my hotel, about a 20 minute drive and we talked but not as much as the night before. I didnt talk much because i kept thinking about how much i liked him and felt self conscious because i knew i looked like shit. I feel that he didnt talk much either because he felt the same way. When he dropped me off, he invited me too come over again, but i personally wanted to make this the last goodbye. I knew i had never met someone like this before and i wanted to be with him so bad, but i knew only being around him more would make me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. I wanted to kiss him goodbye, but there were people all around us so i told him i would see him soon.
I got drunk again that night and i couldnt stop thinking about him, so i started texting him that night. I knew i loved the guy but i didnt know how he felt about me. I was very depressed that night and kept texting him telling him that im not good enough and i just want to find the right guy in my life but i never can and never will. He told me i was amazing and i shouldnt settle for anything less than perfection, etc. etc. He told me i was amazing and this just made me feel so good. I knew me and him were at a conclusion, good long distance friends, and i knew we have feelings for one another, but i knew i could move on with my life and decided to spend the rest of my trip with my friends and without seeing him.
The last day as we checked out of our hotel, me and my friends went shopping. Just as we were about to leave Panama City, i needed to go into a burger king to take a bathroom break. Fate was working with me again and we saw each other and were freaking out about how coincidental it was to be in the same place at the same time. We pretty much just said hi and i went to the bathroom to do my business. About 30 seconds later, John came in to the bathroom to talk to me and say goodbye, as today was my last day. However, when he tried to talk to me, i was left speechless. I started shaking uncontrolably but i dont think he saw. I was a nervous wreck. I knew that i loved him and still do. I was hoping i wouldnt see him again but that rare occurance just screwed everything up for me. He kept giving me playful nudges and was happy to see me, we hugged, and i told him i would see him again someday and left.
Ever since that moment i cannot stop thinking about him. I know he is the one for me and i would do anything to be with him. As of right now, we still text, but i havnt let him know how much i love him. He is single, as am I, but I feel i shouldnt start this whole long distance thing with him. I know he really likes me, and i know for a fact we would be dating and probably end up together had we lived in the same area. But i feel that i like him more than he likes me. I LOVE him. Because of our long distance, it looks like he quickly got over it, but i feel like im still hanging on...i just know he's the one.
Hopefully you beared with my long assd story. I'm sorry i'm on here posting like a hopeless romantic but i just need advice. Should i tell him how i feel? Should i wait until we meet again someday? Or should i just move on with my life? I have never felt this way about someone before...and it's awful. Please help me out
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