Falling in love with your best friend

[reverbs33]

Hey guys,

I've been in a pretty confusing situation this past year. My best friend and I are really, close. We do everything together and we even live together too. He has always been there for me and I'm always there for him too, and so it went from completely being platonic, to me being full out in love with him. I can't do anything without him, and neither can he. In fact he'll drag me out of bed or carry me out of the house if he wants to go out to eat or something lol.

After we started to live together, some time went by and then he and I (I forget how it started) but we started to lay in bed together a lot. This was weird at first but eventually I really liked it and so it's probably the reason that made me fall in love with him.

As time went on we got closer and closer in bed, until we started falling asleep together, often right up against the other on my little twin mattress. He makes me hold him when he gets sick and stuff too. Anyways, one day we got into an argument and he said how he finds it weird and we should stop napping together, but he's cool with us hugging all the time though. We hug all the time, and he usually does this sad face that he stops only when I hug him lol. Then recently he started playing some youtube videos and asked me to join him in bed again after he said a few weeks before how it was really weird. Anyways I'm so confused guys.

Could he be gay and into me? Is this wrong for me to fall in love with my best friend? Should I tell him that I'm gay? I'm afraid of what people might think because I put up quite a good facade. Its so confusing and it kinda hurts to not know how he feels, and I'm with him all day too, so it bums me out a lot. We've started arguing a lot too because I've become really needy and I don't know how to express these feelings.

[Nick9]

Hi reverbs33, welcome to the forum

I am not sure, but I would be careful with telling your friend "out of the blue." Have you ever tried to caress his face for example? Something more than friendly hugging? Have you tried to tell him how good it feels to have him physically close? How did he react?

Maybe he can feel the pull but he is not ready to admit it yet.

[reverbs33]

Hi reverbs33, welcome to the forum

I am not sure, but I would be careful with telling your friend "out of the blue." Have you ever tried to caress his face for example? Something more than friendly hugging? Have you tried to tell him how good it feels to have him physically close? How did he react?

Maybe he can feel the pull but he is not ready to admit it yet.

Thanks for the welcoming reply!

Well yes I have and then he just says a joke. But a lot of the time I extend our hugs, and then he does a little dance where he rocks me from side to side and then laughs afterward. I always touch his stomach or rub his hair sometimes, he doesn't do anything usually but sometimes he does it back. But his is more like a many "tap" on the stomach or shoulders or something lol.

I have told him how good it feels, and how it really comforts me to have him close by. He didnt't really say much. He's pretty bad with feelings. He's never had a girlfriend either, but thats probably because we're both fairly skinny and nerdy guys lol, so maybe its not such a good indicator.

[spencer]

It looks the feelings are mutual but it he seems like he's afraid to admit it. However, things can get realllly tricky when falling in love with a best friend. It can either be the start of a new relationship or the end of a wonderful one. I would definately not immediately tell him your feelings until are you absolultely certain he feels the same way, but it could be beneficial to, I guess steer things to coming out and talking about each other's feelings for one another. But take it slow and subtle. I don't have much knowledge or experience on the issue but I can at least give you my two cents.

[Rainbowmum]

Hi rever,

First let me say welcome to GaySpeak.

The bond between you and your friend is strong ,there is no way to deny that. But I would not rush the situation.
I can't tell you if he is falling for you or not , what I can tell you is that ,it is not wise to pin your hopes on someone that is experimenting with his sexuality.
Do not get your hopes up to quickly.

We are all here for you, so keep us updated.

[reverbs33]

It looks the feelings are mutual but it he seems like he's afraid to admit it. However, things can get realllly tricky when falling in love with a best friend. It can either be the start of a new relationship or the end of a wonderful one. I would definately not immediately tell him your feelings until are you absolultely certain he feels the same way, but it could be beneficial to, I guess steer things to coming out and talking about each other's feelings for one another. But take it slow and subtle. I don't have much knowledge or experience on the issue but I can at least give you my two cents.

Much appreciated reply. It's a tough choice but here's what I'm most worried about. That I tell him I'm gay and that I'm in love with him and then he freaked out and our friendship is over. I'm afraid of that happening. I honestly don't think I can live without him. I've never had a friend as caring and kind as he is, and I doubt I could find someone to replace him.

[reverbs33]

Hi rever,

First let me say welcome to GaySpeak.

The bond between you and your friend is strong ,there is no way to deny that. But I would not rush the situation.
I can't tell you if he is falling for you or not , what I can tell you is that ,it is not wise to pin your hopes on someone that is experimenting with his sexuality.
Do not get your hopes up to quickly.

We are all here for you, so keep us updated.

Wow I am really glad I joined this thread, everyone here is so welcoming and friendly and willing to help. Thanks for your reply!

Your right about that. I want to tell him but I just don't have a clue on what the correct approach would be. Does anybody have a good suggestion. I won't be rushing anything but that stuff has been going on for over a year and a half now.

[Nick9]

So far so good LOL
I would try... touching his face with your cheek maybe? It can be just a small step from brushing your lips against his cheek. If you want him to have his escapeway, try pretend you are still half asleep. That way he maybe won't feel the need to fake his reaction to "safe his face."

I think that he feels something too, but he is not sure yet, or he is afraid, his family may be homophobic...

Maybe try rent a movie? I would chose something not totally gay, but something were a gay couple will appear? I would simply try to go very slowly

[reverbs33]

So far so good LOL
I would try... touching his face with your cheek maybe? It can be just a small step from brushing your lips against his cheek. If you want him to have his escapeway, try pretend you are still half asleep. That way he maybe won't feel the need to fake his reaction to "safe his face."

I think that he feels something too, but he is not sure yet, or he is afraid, his family may be homophobic...

Maybe try rent a movie? I would chose something not totally gay, but something were a gay couple will appear? I would simply try to go very slowly

Yes they are homophobic but he really support gay rights and stuff too. In fact, he's more voiced on the matter than even me.

Thats a good idea and I think I'll give it a try. One time I remember I said to him when he was near me to keep my feet warm and brought it kinda close and he just said "thats gay man" and I had to pull it away, it was kinda embarassing lol.

[Nick9]

Much appreciated reply. It's a tough choice but here's what I'm most worried about. That I tell him I'm gay and that I'm in love with him and then he freaked out and our friendship is over. I'm afraid of that happening. I honestly don't think I can live without him. I've never had a friend as caring and kind as he is, and I doubt I could find someone to replace him.

I am afraid that there is very strong possibility that this will happen if you tell him NOW. He may feel cornered, like If I want to keep doing what we are doing (and what I like), I need to tell him I am gay and he will want more. But I am not sure, not ready, don't want to - so better to move out immediately...