Any Hope for the rebound guy(me)?

[hardbroken]

I've been seeing someone for the past two months and we've yet to have sex. I'm in a bit of a quandary as to the nature of our relationship. Is this abnormal?

I'm so used to relationships defined by sex - i.e. one night stands or casual hookups, which makes me question this guys interest in me. I'm twenty-five and he's forty-two, not that age is an issue, but he has much more experience in the area of long-term relationships. In fact, he just ended a relationship with his partner of ten years. To make matters worse they still co-habitate together. I can empathize with his situation, and understand his wanting to take things slow. Perhaps he's just holding out to see if his former partner will take him back. You see his partner initiated the breakup.

I want to respect this guy's needs, but don't want to compromise my own. I should probably just express my concerns to him, but part of me is afraid to let things run their course. Maybe an authentic relationship happens organically. It takes time to uncover true compatibility, so why rush into labeling this guy my "boyfriend"?

[Rainbowmum]

Hi hardbroken

First let me say welcome to G.S.

Rebound should always be handled with caution , I think you are very wise at guarding your heart.
I pretty much think you answered your own question.
Talk to the guy, find out where things stand.

10 years is a hell of a long time , has he even had a chance to deal with the breakup?
A breakup can be as devastating as a death.
It all takes time to heal and rediscover who you are.

We are all here for you , so keep us posted.
Good luck.

[princealbertofb]

Hello Hardbroken and indeed to GaySpeak. I think it is a little bit early to start talking of boyfriend and boyfriend even if this is not your experience so far. How can what you have experienced in a couple of short months compete with a relationship of ten years? I'm not saying you and he are not committed, but sometimes relationships can take some time to really take off. Maybe your partner is being cautious, overly so perhaps, and perhaps he's showing too much consideration towards you (or his previous partner with whom he still shares accomodation? If you are wondering where your relationship is going, wouldn't it be simpler just to discuss it between you and to tell him how you feel this is going nowhere, but you'd like it to go somewhere? I feel that you would have the right, at least, to tell him that you'll be looking for sexual gratification elsewhere if it's not going to come from him as you expected it might, if he's not going to come up with some practical answer. After all, a man of your age should be able to live a fulfilling sexual life as well. Then it all depends how much longer you are ready to wait.
Good luck with finding out what's ticking...

[princealbertofb]

It also appears that this man may not actually be looking for the sex component of a relationship at the moment but more for a friendship and companionship at this hard time of his breakup. Maybe it's been a blow to him that his ex initiated the breakup. Maybe he's still coming to terms with what it might mean for him and his future.

[posterpicture]

uhmmm maybe he is not even functioning anymore. I am not a fan of agism but if you are in your twenty with lot of sex then why settle down for a brick with bagged?

[James]

Sorry posterpicture, sex is but a small part of a relationship. Its a good part but there is much more to long term realationships, I have no complaints from my 22 year old partner, so I guess you should look elsewhere for the answer, Heartbroken, welcome to GS, sometimes it takes a little time to get over someone, but please beware he could be useing you to try and get back with his ex, come back and let us all know how it goes, James

[KJ1989]

Hey man, I think you answered your own question, as is the opinion of others here. I think you need to talk to him. It's a very awkward situation, especially after a break up that they are still living together etc.

At 42, I feel he should be knowledgable enough to know what this is most likely doing to you. Two months is long enough that you should be able to sit down and have a meaningful conversation about things.

Disclaimer: I've never been in a relationship, so I dunno what worth my advice holds lol

[posterpicture]

I never believe that sex is a small part of a relationship.
It is not a whole relationship but it 's a very big and important part.
Whoever said it 's not a big part then that person is just hypocrite.

[princealbertofb]

Be good to Jim, Posterpicture, he knows what he's talking about too...

[Bowyn Aerrow]

uhmmm maybe he is not even functioning anymore. I am not a fan of agism but if you are in your twenty with lot of sex then why settle down for a brick with bagged?

Listen up sonny boy, a kid like you, wet behind the ears can't possibly know how to do sex right.

Youth, wasted on the young!:biggrin: