I never cheated on any of my partners. Yet. I can't say I won't, the future is a mystery to me.
I have been cheated on by at least two of my partners that I know of. Its possible that every man I been with cheated on me often, and always.
The first one devastated me. It was an
'Oh my God your ripping out my heart!' Experience.
The second one to cheat on me it was more or less a
'That figures, and its explains a lot' sort of experience.
I'm still with that second one.
About 18 months after he moved in and we set about housekeeping and making these silly vows of commitment and honesty and other meaningless things, my current partner went out, he relapsed on meth and hooked up with his ex (to get the meth) and to have marathon sex for 5 days.
While he confessed readily to having relapsed (on meth) I guess it was kind of hard to hide the fact from he that he had vanished for 5 days. It took nearly 5 years before he confessed what he really did when he was tweaking.
He picked up The virus that "last time" he relapsed. Was it the last time he relapsed? Unknown. There have been times when he has been away on vacation, with lots of time to do whatever he wanted and me not knowing.
When he came home telling me he tested positive, about 6 months after his relapse, he did confess he most likely picked it up from his ex. But he carefully explained to me that his doctor said it was possible that all of those HIV tests we had didn't pick up on the antibodies for 2 years. I bought it hook line and sinker, never actually thinking he had sex with anyone.
It took about 5 years for him to confess the whole truth. During that time I was blissfully unaware, accepting the Virus and many other things as part of life. After the fact my mood changes slightly. I spent several weeks looking back at the past 5 years and a lot of things fell into perspective. Such as the 3 year mark of our relationship where he started screaming at me one day 'You have been cheating on me!' To find out he had ordered a copy of my text messages from the cell phone company and had also installed a tracking program on my computer to see what I did when I was on line.
His 'proof' that I was cheating? A post I made on a website describing a hypothetical example of what cheating does to a relationship where I made myself into the 'cheater'. The opening lines clearly state, this is a hypothetical example.
I have a new computer, password protected, he is not allowed to so much look at let alone touch. If he ever installs software or dares to track my internet movements I will break his fingers. He knows I mean it. Privacy issues are a huge one for me - big time.
In a twist of fate, a few months after the big blow up over his belief I was cheating, his computer comes down with a nasty virus and he asks me to fix it.
In the process of searching for the virus and getting all of this stuff to clean it, he opens up his yahoo saved chats to show me a link that he went to (suspecting that that is where he picked up the computer virus) Its part of an IM cybersex chat experience of his where I got to read some very interesting things. A seriously stupid move to make if you don't want your partner to know you have cyber sex.
I will say it again. I married a moron, but he's my moron! :biggrin:
Come to find out he was on several dating and pick-up sites, where his profile reads 'single gay male'. More porn that you can throw a stick at, and other 'interesting' things.
It hurt a little. I viewed us as a dedicated, monogamous couple. Him, no to so much. His idea of 'cheating' and mine are worlds apart. I view his putting out pick up ads as cheating. He may not have acted on them, but still. I view cyber sex to be a form of cheating. Granted you ain't face to face with the person, but still.... He doesn't' view these things as cheating.
His guilt causes him to believe I cheat. It is an issue of his that he is working on.
His cheating causes me to believe he is cheating all the time. I'm working on that.
Mostly.
Well actually rarely.
No think again, I don't work on it at all. I have accepted it as one of those things I cannot change.
Currently he is in a midlife crises. I'm placing odds that he is going to go out and not just have sex, but also relapse on drugs. He has a program of recovery, but it only works if you work it. He doesn't work it.
I have told him several times to get back to meetings, call his sponsor, beware the road ahead. He chooses to ignore me. I can't change that.
I suspect he is a closeted sex addict. But I kind of knew this when we met and he went on for many hours about the hundreds if not thousands of sexual experiences and partners he had. He has done things I never knew a person could do. You name it he has done it, yes even those really outlandish things like fisting (both receiving and giving) scat, heavy S&M.... etc. :o Then there are the things he says he doesn't want to scare me with.... :o :o :o I think I really don't want to know or guess.
Considering I have only had 8 sex partners, all but two were in the 'confines' of a relationship. The worst I did was get tied up with rope once (once only) and played with hot wax. I lack the experiences thus can't imagine what its like to have had these experiences. It must be difficult to go from wild to mundane.
So why are we still together? I figure if two people can share the same house and Not throw things at one another its a pretty darn good relationship. My parents had huge screaming matches, threw stuff like punches, knives, even the Thanksgiving turkey, piping hot out of the oven flew one year in an honest attempt to tag someone.
Sure we have our blow outs. They are pretty far and few between, and usually its me blowing off steam around mid summer when I am bursting with too much energy and pacing the floors.
Most of the time its a quiet life, a nice friendly relationship. We are content, for the most part, and even happy at times.
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