Had a breakthrough, should I keep going?

[Ceruleaan]

Hey!

I think its great that you had this breakthrough. I went through the same kind of thing last year and it did feel like finally being free. I have to echoes the sentiments of the others though.

I think you should wait to come out to your parents until you're completely financially. I know you love and them and they you, and you're probably right that they wouldn't cut you off. That being said, you yourself realize that their understanding of homosexuality, although growing, is still limited. When people don't understand something, no matter their good intentions, they can do short sighted things, so I would leave the coming out for a while. Keep in mind though, you're not hiding this part of yousltself from them because you're repressed; just because they might not be ready yet.

I would definitely recommend volunteering at a local lgbtq community centre. You'll meet many new people with different perspectives and experiences. It could be a great opportunity to make friends who do understand the issues you're dealing with.

All the best :-)

[jp2012]

Thanks for the replies... It's really helping... I think I'm going to spend a bit more time getting to know myself before taking the plunge now. It probably will be best to wait until I'm out of the nest completely.
I feel confident that my dad no longer has the idea of sending people off to gay camp, but y'all are right that I can't be 100% certain. Maybe give them a bit longer.

[azulai]

to GS, jp!

I'm happy for you that you had a break though and not a break down! :tongue:

When all this was happening to me, I remember once I made the decision, I was in a rush. I had a good friend and my bf slow me down a bit. In hindsight I'm glad they did.

This is going to be one of the most important conversations you will have with your parents. Don't rush it. Like you, I wanted their acceptance and respect. I'm an older brother and we're a close family and I didn't want any of that to change either. I very much wanted to remain a part of my family.

I recommend that you make sure you feel emotionally strong, that you spend some time trouble shooting questions and concerns they may have and coach yourself to not react with anger.

I did similar things as you with bringing up issues - political and social. Basically I laid the groundwork. I chose to talk to my dad first. He was unbelievably supportive. My mom needed a little more time; she actually did see a counselor for a while. But, we are now closer than we've ever been. She's even feeling comfortable now enough to tease me, so things can work out. My parents have grown and evolved. They needed time to accept things they already knew but once verbalized honestly, it was scary for them just as it was scary for me.

What I didn't expect was the onslaught of emotions after. Despite things going well, I felt a bit unnerved after and I did need a safe place to stay a couple of nights away from home. So, maybe have a contingency plan just for a place to crash for a night or two. Here's a recent recap I did in another thread on coming out, you might get a little from it.

You have your parents' past reactions to help you with the possibilities of their reaction, use that. You have current reactions from your dad, build on that.

BUT, you do have to be honest with yourself, that despite your mom now having a gay friend and your dad's recent positive steps, what happens if their reaction is the same as before? Can you handle that? How are you going to react?

So, I guess I'd recommend slow down but keep moving forward. mile:

You're smart going to a counselor at school. I've only had positive experiences with my school's LGBT program. We even have a peer counselor system where you can meet with someone in your age range and discuss things like this but over coffee and stuff. They go through training and are very dedicated. Maybe your school has something like that. Check it out if you do.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[jp2012]

I wish I knew how my grandmother would react, I usually tell her everything and she helps with my parents. But I have no idea how she will react. Now that I think about it she is really the only family member not pressuring me about girls and relationships.

Also, since I have decided to wait a bit longer with my parents, how should I act around them? Should I still just glaze over the relationship questions or should I flat out say no I'm not in a relationship and don't want to be.

[Nick9]

Hi jp, I can't give you any better advice

Good luck with your decision and welcome to GS

[dfiant]

Waiting to tell you parents is probably a wise choice given your circumstances as opposed to it being a right or wrong choice.

It's nice to know that you had the conversation about homosexuality with your father and it seemed to be a mature discussion, with everything that has happened in the past the fact that their son is gay would be very much on their mind and it would seem they are closer to accepting your sexuality than they were when you were 14.

I think the most important thing you need to establish is a support network, a couple or a few people that know you are gay and accept and support you, to me that would be just as important as financial independance.

You don't have to do anything you want to do so don't feel pressured, just wait for 'the time', you'll know when it is 'the time', your gut instincts will tell you.

Good luck and welcome to Gayspeak

[jp2012]

So I thought I'd post a little update.
Mom came to town this weekend and there were several moments when I wanted to tell her but for some reason I just couldn't. Then I started noticing some off hand things she kept on saying like asking me about girls, wanting to write my cell number on the receipt for the waitress, going thru the pictures in my apt asking about each girl and if they have boyfriends. I'm just really getting mixed signals from what she thinks about my sexuality. I would think she has an idea, but it feels like she doesn't have a clue.
Update 2, I almost came out to a nice guy in one of the organizations I'm in. I'm 80% sure he's in the closet and we aren't very close at all but at a party the other night there was this awkward feeling between us... Like he wanted to talk to me and I wanted to talk to him but we couldn't. He is night and day from me, he's short super athletic and works at a gym, I'll have to work on my gay-dar a bit more before I come out to him though.
Really looking forward to this Friday and hopefully I get some good talking points for coming out and meeting some IRL gay friends.

[James]

Lots of good advice here, read about others who have finally come out in the forums, remember that parants have preconcived idea's about how their children should be and what they should become and that it takes sometime to realize that they are individuals who think and feel on their own and will follow their own path, most come around in time, Jim

[Sequard]

I wish I knew how my grandmother would react, I usually tell her everything and she helps with my parents. But I have no idea how she will react. Now that I think about it she is really the only family member not pressuring me about girls and relationships.

Also, since I have decided to wait a bit longer with my parents, how should I act around them? Should I still just glaze over the relationship questions or should I flat out say no I'm not in a relationship and don't want to be.

i just need to ask u sth ? how sure are you that they already don't know about your sexuality, cause people that are near a gay person somehow know about it. have u thought about this ?

[jp2012]

i just need to ask u sth ? how sure are you that they already don't know about your sexuality, cause people that are near a gay person somehow know about it. have u thought about this ?

I haven't just thought about it... I pray they know! That means that they have had plenty of time to cope with it... Or at least shouldn't need much more time to make a decision on accepting me or rejecting me. I just really suck at reading people... Growing up I could never tell when girls liked me, probably because I didn't care haha, but knowing how others feel/think about me is not one of my strong suits.
I feel my mom is still holding on hope I'm straight just because she talks about girls nonstop whenever she visits, but she has to have some clue.