QA the parenting you recieve

[pellaz]

For those who are out to your family, having positive ties to their parents.
and
Especially those living at home or visit home often
how would you rate your parent's involvement in you life?

referencing article.

do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?
-Do they know who you are dating?
-Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?
-Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?
-Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??
-How much do you love the rents?

[Sylph]

For those who are out to your family, having positive ties to their parents.
and
Especially those living at home or visit home often
how would you rate your parent's involvement in you life?

referencing article.

do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?
-Do they know who you are dating?
-Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?
-Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?
-Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??
-How much do you love the rents?

Hmm..

My Mommy is my bestie and she loves it when I go into "hyper gay mode" . She's constantly telling me to go get my "cherry" popped and I'm like "mom, eww" lol. She's very real and loves me, but can be a bit much.

My Grandmother (My mom, grandmother (and her husband) and I live together) doesn't particularly like it when I get too fem, but is generally very supportive. She doesn't like it when I talk about getting a boyfriend, and always tells me "you better be the one sticking, and not getting the sticked" . Her older brother was gay, but died of aids, so she's very keen on me being careful.

The rest of my family isn't so lovey-dovey. The females empathize, but the males really don't like me at all. I usually stay close to the ladies, or sit in a corner at family gatherings. We have a few lesbians in my family, but only I, along with one other guy, who's not on the island, am gay. And when I say lesbians, I mean "one of the guys" type lesbians. It's very awkward, but I'm not one to be ashamed of myself.

My Grandmother's husband, who's Irish, is pretty open to it, but isn't particularly used to it being flaunted all over the house :p . It doesn't help that I'm particularly loud and because he married into the family, he sees some of the things I do or say to my Grandmother or Mother as weird, but is generally not very weirded out by it. When he first came, he used to make the typical "guy" jokes with me, but figured out quick I'm not really into that typical "male machismo" stuff.

Other than all this, I'm pretty fine and dandy . I'm particularly lucky to have the situation I'm in, because I know how hard it is for other people, especially young people. Although, to be given credit, I didn't just one day become all feminine and what not, it's been that way my whole life. So people, I assume, have just gotten used to it.

.

[DerJack]

-Do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?
Don't ignore, but my Mom doesn't seem to understand why I want to be so open about it, we make jokes back and forth about it though, so they're totally accepting of the concept

-Do they know who you are dating?
No, but to be fair I've not even met him face-to-face

-Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?
No, I would like them to.... but, I think that's still down the road a ways

-Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?
No, I learned most of what I know between school and my own interest... but I feel I've educated myself better than they ever could have

-Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??
No, they love me regardless... nothing has changed

-How much do you love the rents?
I love them lots, generally when I visit home I just stay there all day and hang out with my Dad, when Mom comes home we eat and then sit around and watch a movie together or something, I get along with them really well... I'm the youngest of four boys... that might explain my connection to them...

[spencer]

-how would you rate your parent's involvement in you life?
Well..I tell them everything so very involved.
-do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?
Considering my sexuality is less...crazy than the other things I've had to tell them about myself they handle it like it's nothing.
-Do they know who you are dating?\-Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?
I tell them about my relationships have never gotten to the point of time to meet the parents although I am not opposed to them meeting the people I date.
-Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?
I'm super uncomfortable talking to my parents about sex. My mom tried to give me a talk once while she was drunk and I immediately got the subjct changed.
-Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??
Probably not. My gender identity/sexuality has changed my dad's mind on a lot of things for the better and has made him a more open and accepting person. And it's actually given my a wonderful relationship with my mom when as a child we didn't have much a relationship and the times we did ever interact wasn't often positive.
-How much do you love the rents?
A whole bunch! They're the best.

[azulai]

For those who are out to your family, having positive ties to their parents.
and
Especially those living at home or visit home often
how would you rate your parent's involvement in you life?

My dad is 48 and my mom is 49, so I think I have young parents compared to some friends. I live at home but spend some nights at my bf’s apartment which is closer to school.

I'd describe them as protective, and bit nosy yet patient, supportive and unconditional in love.
My mom and I had the big clash over religion but we both wanted our positions respected so we worked hard to understand the other. She does a lot of volunteer work and I go with her when she's doing dirty work like cleaning or setting up for events and stuff.

My dad and I have always talked, played basketball or jetski together, gone to sports games and stuff like that. He has spent countless late nights listening to me kvetch (bitch) mainly about religion and republicans.

do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?
I'm the oldest, I have 2 younger teenage sisters (one is active in dance, the other active in sports). My mom insists on us eating dinner together at least once a week. She'd prefer twice and some times our schedules all work to make that happen for her. I've had a lot of responsibility with my sisters/house if my parents go out of town. They trust me. I'm quiet, not in any way flamboyant. We're all nosy, and sarcastic yet affectionate. None of that has changed.

At first things were a little tense with my mom but she did get some counseling. Both she and my dad were insistent that nothing was wrong, but something she needed to do. And, she wasn't acting mean or anything, but we just didn't have a good conversation, she kept backing away. Then one day we were at home by ourselves and we had a really good talk. That helped me so much and I think her, too. It was kind of an ice-breaker. It's been nice to be able to talk about a date and our plans, if we're cooking my bf or I can call her with questions, stuff like that.

Do they know who you are dating?
Yes.

Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?
Yes, my dad insisted on meeting the bf as soon as I came out to him. It kind of scared me a bit at first but my bf was very mature and calm about it. He's four years older than I am.

My parents took us out to brunch. It was a little awkward at first but we all ended up drinking Mimosas and laughing at my expense -- so it was a success!

My mom invited my bf over this past Thanksgiving when she found out he was not flying home. And, then we were all together for New Year’s Eve. So, they're getting to know each other a bit.

Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?
My dad and I had that father-son talk when I was around 11 and it was just general stuff about puberty. I do remember him trying to talk to me about condoms and stuff when I was around 15 and I was insistent that sex was the farthest thing from my mind.

When I came out to him, he was, I really don't know how to phrase it, but I guess "concerned fear" since he realized I was dating someone, so he was pretty direct. It was horribly awkward but I have to respect his desire to make sure I was being safe and not stupid. :biggrin: I got better info from the internet.

Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??
I don't think so. They are really trying. One of my sisters can date but mainly goes out in groups, and the other one isn't old enough so I really don't have anything to do a comparison. My bf and I hung out at my house a lot during Spring Break. The rule was he can stay over but he can't sleep in my room. :tongue: I actually think they will be more strict with my sisters.

How much do you love the rents?
I love and respect my parents. I'm changing and feeling more independent now a days but in some ways I feel closer to them. Kind of weird but it's just the way I feel. mile:

[Sylph]

Were we supposed to answer the questions directly? :redface: oopsie .


>Do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?
My mommy is more helpful :p . She had me when she was 14 and has been helping and raising me since then. She loves the fact that I'm who I am with no reserve. My Grandmother pretty much tolerates it, but we have our "girly" moments.

>Do they know who you are dating?
I'm not dating anyone much to my mother's dismay. She wants me to get my "cherry" popped , but If I ever were to get into a relationship, she'd be the first to know :p . My Grandmother treats me like a daughter and tries to protect my "innocence" but wouldn't be very interested in whoever I was dating.

>Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?
N/A - But I would probably hold off if I ever do, because that poor guy would be smothered like a Bee smothers honey .

>Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?
Well I learned about sex in an unconventional way, but my Mom has been very clear about how sex works, in every sense of the word. :redface:

>Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??
Probably, probably not. My mom always told me to be who I am, so I don't know whether or not it would make a difference. Perhaps to the rest of my family, but to me, they don't really count, as I don't see them often.

>How much do you love the rents?
My mom and I raised each other. We're besties and we always tell jokes, sometimes dirty... , and are both very loud and vocal people. I love my mommy mile: . My Grandmother has also had a hand in raising me and I have lived with her my whole life. Though not as "free" as my mother, she's been very helpful in raising me and I love her a whole lot too. They, along with my siblings, are the only people I would bend-over-backwards for.
~
There that's more descriptive :p .

[pellaz]

i was curious if anyone was on the negative side of all this is what.

I never considered the range of responses from parents and the little news article (the link) got me thinking:
total reduction (kick the gay out of the house)
passively ignore the gay child
continued involvement and good parenting even tho the child is gay

one conclusion (that i get from my partner's situation and from here too) is when a child is out early, pre teen, he is better accepted later in life?
just thinking.

[dfiant]

What a brilliant idea for a thread, thank you so much Pellaz. I hope to see more threads like this because I am fascinated with people and thier life experiences

do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?

I fell in love for the first time when I was 12 years old in 1981. I spent a lot of time with this boy in school, after school and all weekend. We shared a bed when we slept at each others house. When this relationship ended I was emotional and became withdrawn. It was noticed and as mothers do, my mother demanded to know what was going on. Not knowing that what I was doing was 'wrong' I told my mum I loved him. 'You are confused, you are just confusing your feelings for something else and it's just a phase you are going through.' was the response and the end of that subject. I understood that things like this were not to be talked about.

You have to remember all this happened in a time that was very very gay unfriendly and 'poofter bashing' was a weekend past time that was greeted with cheers and applause in my home town. So my pre-teen and teen years were a constant battle between my feelings and societies hate which I battled completely alone, became very withdrawn from society because basically I was scared shitless after being outed in High School.

Fast forward to the year 1996, I was 27, I was sitting in the gardens of the Heian Shrine in the East Graden. In that moment, I'm not religious but it was a very spiritual moment, I felt at one. In that moment I felt all the hate, all the judgement, everything negative (I call these my clouds), lift from my mind and body, I saw my future, I finally knew myself, I finally loved myself.

It took another 4 years before 'the moment' came. I sat with my mother and those words filled the air, everything from that point when in slow motion, a minute felt like a gut churning hour. " You know I love you no matter what, you are my son. I know something is troubling you and has been for a long time. Do you have something you want to tell me?"

The flood gates opened, tears flowed and those words came "I'm gay", and then came the embraces. While she was hugging me she said to me 'I know. I have known since Mark.'

Mark was my boyfriend when I was 12 years old, the boy that broke my heart, the boy that was part of that 'Confusion' and that 'Phase'. I pushed her away and I saw red. "I went through 19 years of hell for THAT???"

My mum is my bestie as is my little brother (Coincidently he is a foot taller and 20 kilo heavier then me, but he is still my little brother ).

-Do they know who you are dating?
-Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?

Yes, and since I came out both my mum and brother have welcomed my dates.

-Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?

No, they had very misinformed ideas of HIV/AIDS and STDs so I had to educate them.

-Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??

No

-How much do you love the rents?

My mother is my life. My father, if you asked me 15 years ago I would have used the word HATE. Today I feel sorry for him that he couldn't allow himself to be part of what he created, family.

[Puck]

do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?
My mother suffers from what I call "ostrich syndrome" where she buries her head in the sand about it and hopes it will go away. She's not abusive towards me or anything...but she can't even bring herself to say the word "gay", let alone talk about it.

My father has told me I'm dead to him. That if he were still in charge of my life, he would take me to one of those hospitals that "rehabilitate" gays, and has said if I was dying in a gutter, he would step over me.

-Do they know who you are dating?
Nope. I doubt they want to anyway.

-Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?\
My last boyfriend wasn't even allowed in my mom's house to use the restroom. We had to walk to the nearby gas station so he could use their facilities.

-Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?
A religious fundamentalist couple discussing sex of any nature? Don't make me laugh. I learned everything about sex through school and my own raging teenage hormones at the time.

-Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??
Absolutely. Neither of them will ever fully accept me the way I am sadly.

-How much do you love the rents?
I love my mother dearly, despite her not wanting to acknowledge my being gay. At least she still loves me and doesn't make me feel ashamed.

Its best I don't say much about my father, except he is one of the very few people on this planet I legitimately hate.

[Jay]

Do they just ignore you and your gayness or are they involved and helpful?

I come from a Muslim family so you can guess what happened when they found out that I am gay. My mom cried nonstop. My dad refused to talk to me.

I was around 14 years old at the time. I didn't want to be kicked out from the house so I apologized to my parents. I went stealth for a few years to ease down the storm. I also tried to fix and convinced myself that I'm straight. My parents think my homosexuality was just a phase.

When I was in college, my big brother tracked down my Internet cookies. He informed my parents. My little brother hates me ever since that day.

I probably have to re-announce my sexual orientation to them again one day. I'm ready to be disowned by my family.

Do they know who you are dating?

They don't know anything about my personal life. I do not allow them too.

Have they met him or her, if you wanted them to?

I don't think my parents will take it too kindly. So for the safety of my future love and I, no. I will not introduce him to my parents. If anything goes wrong, let it be me who suffers. Not my guy.

Have they been informative for the safe sex topic?

To them, gay is a sin. AIDS. HIV. Everything's bad and ugly.

Would they be more better constructive if you were straight??

Absolutely.

How much do you love the rents?

I love and respect my parents dearly. They are wonderful people. It's a pity that they can't accept homosexuality due to religion and culture.