Fellow co-worker... Need input

[selkirkguy]

Hi all this is my first post here and I am looking for some input with this matter.

My co-worker and I joke a lot but lately it seems like the joking is getting a little more personal or shall I say daring. He is an older man, married very nice person. He likes being called "moose" although this is an inside joke between the two of us. Lately our text messages have become more of what it seems to be a sexual nature. I'm a gay man and he seems quite comfortable around me.

He told me that we need to find a code word when we text in case his wife is around and she sometimes reads his messages. He always also deletes our chats afterwards so no one reads them as we tend to joke a lot but as I mentioned it seems to be getting more sexual in nature.

This week he left for 2 weeks on holidays to his daughter's place and I told him I would talk to him when he came back. I told him I would not text him while he is away has this might not be kosher. His reply to me was " screw kosher. Text ya later"

One joke was referred to a "fiddlehead" and he replied with "I could go for corn on the cob" which obviously to me had another meaning. This is a married man. Sure I'm somewhat attracted to him but again he is married; a place I refuse to go.

My question is does this seem to be all in fun or is there some kind of hidden attraction or curiosity on his part or even attraction to me? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

[pellaz]

by the way; welcome to GS
I hope this gives you some insight with your er co-worker situation

your co worker could be gay or bi in a straight marriage, up till this time gays have found the need to be closeted and often in personal denial. It takes two or three to break up a marriage but be ware once you wake up the boy you have to figure what to do with him.

does he know you are gay and does he know what that means? The employment laws where i live are functional for gays so if that is the case for you I put up a pic of my partner and i am out at work. Just solves a lot of issues. like this. At least he is not homophobic about his doubts.

Everyone assumes gay men are more promiscuous so if it went bad it would be your falt. The reality is gay or straight most people are created the same in this department. A relationship with a confused man is not worth it. The sex is odd and the guilt is the lingering emotion after its all done.

Anyone called "Moose" most likely not reliable in the emotional department. He is a co-worker, in a straight married so stay away from him. You can be a friend and not that typical gay man everyone remember from QAF. There are lots of gay men who would appreciate your attention and look back fondly on the relationship.

[selkirkguy]

Thanks pellaz. As I said I don't go for married men. As you said it does complicate things and well I am not one to go and bust up a marriage.

I totally agree that staying is a good thing. I rarely work with him and the times I do I will keep it in a strict professional manner.

[selkirkguy]

I forgot to mention pellaz that he as well as everyone else at my work know I'm gay.

[ceez]

some straight guys who are comfortable with their sexuality will joke around with other guys straight, bi, or gay. my friends slap each other on the ass all the time and call each other baby but they are completely straight and even if they were curious it wouldn't be worth the trouble going behind their girlfriends backs for a booty call.

it's ok to joke around with him but I would back off if it turns out that he is serious which I doubt. it sounds like he has a lot to loose.

[matty7]

flirting fun is great and maybe its just that, straight people sometimes see a gay mate as a non competition with ladies so maybe say and open up more to us, happy u see a married guy as a off limits... but is he happy in his marriage ? if not then many gay guys get married for many reasons - if he lets u get this info then then that changes the dynamic a little - great u have morals about busting up a marriage though .. he must see u as a great guy

[Bowyn Aerrow]

The fact he has a code word and wants you to NOT text him at certain times is screaming that something is very wrong here.

Now I have a straight friend or two and even the brother in law were we joke about sex and other 'gay' situations. But they don't hide it from their GF or Wife, and we even do the joking in front of our SOs. We don't hide it, we are not ashamed of it, we don't need to divide up these parts of our lives and 'fear' being 'caught' for it.

It is a joke, we know its a joke. Our SO's know we are joking and having a bit of 'man-play', but we all know that nothing is going to happen.

No need for us to have codewords to text or phone by, no need to delete text messages out of 'fear' our spouse/SO will find them. Its all in the open and honestly good natured innocent fun - Bawdy at times, but innocent.

Moose fears being caught. He wants to separate you from his spouse and keep it this way. He is ashamed to a degree here, thus deletes his texts to 'hide' what he is doing.

If this was innocent he wouldn't have to hide it. If his intent was just a bit of fun, he wouldn't be ashamed.

You need to make it clear to him, take him aside and tell him point blank 'I don't do married men - ever, never.'

[Rainbowmum]

This is a married man. Sure I'm somewhat attracted to him but again he is married; a place I ref.use to go.

Does it make a difference that he is married ?
Hell yes it does.
He is off limits , in a NGZ (no go zone )

Don't become his experiment and do not become his mistress.
You work together , you have to coexist in the same environment daily.

[East]

I think you need to figure out where he is coming from....this is why.

The straightest guy I ever met is one of our best friends and he jokes ALL the time about becoming a sandwich with me and my lover and he gets a little graphic at times and if anyone heard or saw the three of us together you would think HE was gay...not me or my lover:biggrin: ,,,and then a few of my other straight friends do the same to a lesser extent sometimes. The REASON he is so comfortable joking with us is BECAUSE he is 100% straight.

So...figure out if this is the case with your guy or if he is closet/curious....The guy above..he doesnt' hide his open flirtations from anyone...I don't think it even occurs to him BECAUSE he is straight. I have never seen anyone who truly loves a woman more than this guy.