Taking a break from Gayspeak guys, sorry!

[mrk2010]

Hi guys,

Unfortunately I am going to have to take a leave of absence from Gayspeak and become an "inactive" member which is something I have been contemplating lately. Just life circumstances and they way things are I'm afraid, I'll be checking in periodically maybe once everyday or just leave it on, on the iPad but I don't feel like I am able to interact with the forum as readily as I used to. Gayspeak has helped me lots since I joined and I have met a load of nice people who I will definitely keep in contact with via msn, Facebook and by texting and phone calling, you know you you all are .

Basically I am feeling ever so frustrated with the forum I need change and the posts I read have changed in nature since I first joined. I feel as of late the posts I read bring up personal issues and this isn't something that used to happen during the first couple of months I was on Gayspeak. Originally I came here to seek advice on how to come out and I did that and since then I have been through so much. I just feel that the posts are really depressing in nature and in my head I just feel this place is full of problems ones that are more damaging to me because all I'm reading are posts about depression and suicide which I have experienced myself and don't need to relive it. In no way am I taking a personal swipe at anyone I just feel that for my well being I kind of limit what I read on here and limit my access although I probably will be still reading in the background but not commenting on things.

Also in a way I feel that since I have joined I have been living my life through here instead of living my actual life. This struck me when I was writing about visiting a sauna and I thought to myself, "who really wants to know about this, why am I writing this?" in a way ao think gayspeak has been too much of a crutch for me, I feel like I have been seeking validation from the people on here to let me know that I'm a good person, that I am good looking and that I have a good personality. I just thought why am I doing this ? Why am I seeking the validation of strangers? There must be some reason for this.To be honest this has scared me that I'm living my life through here rather than actually living my life. In terms of the advice been given to me it has been good and to an extent it has helped me but a realisation popped into my head the other day. I NEED TO MAKE MISTAKES and learn from them, I need to break the perfection, I need to break my perfect ideals. There is no Mr Perfect who's going to sweep me away, make me feel special but there is probably someone out there who can maybe be half that.

I just don't want to waste my time then 3 or 4 years down the line think "I'm in the same position I was 3 years ago, why didn't I go out more? Why didn't I experience new things or meet new people? If this happens I'm only going to resent my actions and my life and become bitter. Even further down the line I don't want to end up 30 years old without a boyfriend or a partner and still living with my parents because the cycle is only going to be destructive. I just need to get out there and do things with my life apart from studying, perhaps meet and say hi to a certain member of gayspeak who has been an amazing friend to me since October (he knows who he is) lol

I'm sorry guys if this hasn't made much sense but it's the way I'm seeing things right now, but I need this break / limited interaction and need to move on actually living in the real world instead of living my life on here and it isn't really a good bye as such cause I'll still be around but probably not as much or in a capacity I've been used to.

Cheers guys,

mrk2010

[faceslikemine]

I completely understand that, and I think that others will see that too. I find that the internet in general can be addictive, which can go hand-in-hand with depression. Go out there and live your life. Maybe check in in a couple of months time and let us know how your dissertation turned out - as a fellow student I am rooting for you passing your course with first class honours (is that what you get with honours? I have to admit, I don't understand the university grading system that well). I wish you good luck with your teaching degree, and best of luck with your future .

[pellaz]

... Gayspeak has helped me lots since I joined and I have met a load of nice people ...
I just feel this place is full of problems ones that are more damaging to me because all I'm reading are posts about depression and suicide which I have experienced myself and don't need to relive it. ...
I NEED TO MAKE MISTAKES and learn from them, I need to break the perfection, I need to break my perfect ideals. There is no Mr Perfect who's going to sweep me away, make me feel special but there is probably someone out there who can maybe be half that. ... perhaps meet and say hi to a certain member of gayspeak who has been an amazing friend to me ... I'll still be around but probably not as much or in a capacity I've been used to

to some degree this forum basically is a help line when it needs to be.
if the future, when you are stronger, i hope you spend some time here to give something back to the gay community. Post what you feel strong about.
for example:
I havnt asked but I can figure my partner has never been to a nude /gay sauna. I would have never have gone my self if some past bf had not taken me. You reminded I need to show this experience to my partner.

.. the posts I read have changed in nature since I first joined. I feel as of late the posts I read bring up personal issues and this isn't something that used to happen during the first couple of months I was on Gayspeak.

[COLOR="Red"]I have seen members say new members dont hang around and mrk2010 is not the first member to recently say the topics are more abut emotional emergency repairs than positive issues.
gayspeak.com should have emphasis on positive life issues. I try to post in the movies, music and some tec things. The music section is frustrating. With such a international reach a cooking section would be nice. Probably a high percentage of the members are IT and tec, but are in the closet about this.[/COLOR]

[Nick9]

Hi,
I am sorry you are leaving. However, I am really glad that you have found friends here. And that you were given an advice when you needed it.

Staying several years at one (any) forum doesn't mean you are not living your life. It doesn't lessen you chance to find a new partner. And for me my internet friends are as important to me as those in my so called real life. Many of them I will probably and unfortunately never meet, but my life would be less interesting and happy without them.

If you feel in the future, that you can use having some, come back to GS, and as pellaz says, give something back to the community.
Good luck!

[mrk2010]

Hi,
I am sorry you are leaving. However, I am really glad that you have found friends here. And that you were given an advice when you needed it.

Staying several years at one (any) forum doesn't mean you are not living your life. It doesn't lessen you chance to find a new partner. And for me my internet friends are as important to me as those in my so called real life. Many of them I will probably and unfortunately never meet, but my life would be less interesting and happy without them.

If you feel in the future, that you can use having some, come back to GS, and as pellaz says, give something back to the community.
Good luck!

Just for the record I'm not leaving I'm taking more of a back seat role, I did say I'd be checking but not as much. Thanks for the sentiments though.

[Nick9]

Sure, whatever is good for you

[Zet]

Hope you the best and enjoy your life as good as you want mate

[East]

I NEED TO MAKE MISTAKES and learn from them, I need to break the perfection, I need to break my perfect ideals.

Bravo! This is a good realization! I do hope you will come back and visit and give updates on how you are doing.....

Although it doesnt' bother me too much and I am glad that there are alot of people here who are willing to help...I have to avoid the suicide and depression stuff myself....I cant' say what I really want to say so I avoid them.....

...sometimes when there are too many of them at once...I just play the one more song game

[dfiant]

You can't leave...I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE LOL

On a serious note, There are issues that can be dealt with on a forum, but you can only go so far towards resolving them online, you also have to resolve these things in LIFE so it is normal to take time out, I encourage it.

You came here seeking the tools to help yourself, you were lucky and you found them, but everything is still a little raw which is why you get so affected by what others are going through, but you know what, all the experiences will make you a GREAT mentor in the future, you will help people, I have no doubt about that, in your profession and in your life, and hopefully again in a Forum like GaySpeak.

Go, have some fun, do what you have to do.

Daz xxx

[Rainbowmum]

Completely understandable babe.
I will keep a candle in the window for you.