Attracted to younger men

[LateBloomer]

Really? Self discovery should be an eternal exercise. What is the meaning of "know yourself"? What is "yourself"? Is "yourself" not always changing? I think "yourself" should always be flexible.

A friend of mine, who is younger than me, suggests that there may be no such thing as Self, instead it might just be a collection of ideas, memories, experiences, feelings, etc.

Yes, I see your point, and I think it's an important one. I agree we are shaped by our collection of experiences--and therefore--as long as we continue to be open to experiences we continue to shape our lives. This happens from birth to death.

But one of my favorite expressions is from the Jesuits: "Give me the boy until he's seven and I'll give you the man." In other words, our CHARACTER is pretty much set at a young age--during the so called "formative" years.

And as we age we continue to pass through certain "portals", let's say. Some of those are those early years, then the teenage years, losing one's virginity, moving away from home, establishing a career, falling in love, having a relationship (maybe children), losing one's parents, retirement and then death.

I was merely suggesting that by the time a person is in their 30s they basically know what they value and what direction they're headed. Are there exceptions? Certainly. I hold myself out as an example of one. I've been pretty clear that my "maturing" has been late (LateBloomer).

We're all individuals, yes. But I also believe that a particular age has certain characteristics.

Just my opinion.

[dfiant]

It's not always the case that because you are older, you are more mature, level headed and grounded. Life gives people experiences at differing extremities at differing stages in their lives. Self-discovery doesn't always happen in ones 20's. It can happen in ones 50's or even in ones teens.

I was caring for a 14 year old who had a very rough start to life and at that age, even though he was very unsettled in life, he showed a maturity beyond his years, the sort of maturity you don't often find in people in their 20's or even their 30's. He is now approaching his mid 20's and he is an amazing person and I am exceptionally proud to call him a friend.

He lives 900km south of me, when he was 14 I was 34, and it wasn't unusual for us to call each other for a chat each week, and those phone calls were 2-3 hours in length and there was never a boring moment.

I believe it is due to this friendship that he has found the strength and belief in himself to go on to become one of the finest young men I have known.

We are 20 years apart, 900 km apart and compatible. If we weren't good friends and we had met 10 years later who know what could have happened.

[LateBloomer]

Great story Dfiant.

Yes, I'm making a generalization. And yes, there are exceptions. But as stereotypes go, you know, they wouldn't exist if there weren't always some truth to them.

GENERALLY, I think we're a little less focused in our 20's. And back to the original question, I think that's why I'm GENERALLY not interested in anyone more than 10 years younger than I am (but I'm flexible). Show me an exceptionally grounded 28 year old and I'll buy the first round.

[Rainbowmum]

Youth is beauty.

Fortunately, it's not only the outside that counts.

You took the words right out of my mouth.mile:

[Rikki]

Describe "grounded"

[LateBloomer]

Describe "grounded"

Certainly.



http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/grounded?s=t

— adj
sensible and down-to-earth; having one's feet on the ground

[Rikki]

I was asking what you thought it meant. Particular behaviours, characteristics etc you associate with groundedness.

[Seath]

Certainly.



http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/grounded?s=t

— adj
sensible and down-to-earth; having one's feet on the ground

[LateBloomer]

I was asking what you thought it meant. Particular behaviours, characteristics etc you associate with groundedness.

Well, I'm thinking of the maturity and perspective that comes with age.

"Gravitas".


There's nothing wrong with searching and experimenting--those are necessary and desired behaviors. But in romantic terms, those years are best left to casual dating.

I'm looking for something more serious. I'd like my partner to be "grounded" in the sense that he has a clear direction and sufficient experience to guide him there without my assistance.

Not that I'm not willing to help or support a future partner. It's just that due to my own lifestyle I NEED a very independent and self-reliant partner.

I'm SUPER independent--almost to a fault. I'd like a partnership. I'm really not interested in mentoring. Supporting? Yes. Mentoring? No.

I hope that makes sense.

[mrk2010]

To be honest it depends on what your limits are. Typically I would say a 12 year difference would be quite acceptable maybe 10 but it depends on how you feel. If I liked the personality and other attributes of a prospective older partner why not? But common sense comes to mind and the words "NO GRANNY SEX" pop into my head lmao