I have the most amazing best friend, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel better when I am down, we can spend hours on end talking about nothing at all. He is also the most beautiful guy that I have ever seen, even his imperfections are perfect!
And yes, I'm in love with him... I told him how I feel and he told me that he loves me too, just not in love with me. Another problem is I live 5000 miles away from him. We only e-mail and Skype but since he started dating a guy 2 weeks ago, I get this funny feeling in my stomach when he wants to Skype and always cancel on him.
Should I tell him the thought of seeing him with another guy is killing me? 
EDIT: we practically saw each other every day for 2 years before I left South Africa. We were gym partners, saw movies together, got drunk together . And in this time we never dated someone else... it felt like it was heading somewhere. So this is only an online thing recently.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Hi Spades,
sorry to hear that 
I don't know. I probably wouldn't do it. You don't change anything, you only make him feel miserable. Try to save your friendship. You are far away from home and for some time you will be. You need a good friend. And who knows? Maybe when you come back...
I think telling him you are still in love with him wouldn't hurt, but mentioning you don't like he is in another relationship, probably would. He is happy now, don't spoil it for him. He wouldn't be pleased if you do.
•
Posts: 9,477
Threads: 267
Joined: Apr 2012
Reputation:
2
I'm a : Single Gay Man
Starsign:  Scorpio
Mood: None
Hi Spades it's better to have your mate in your life life as friend then not at all. Also you never know what the future holds.
•
Spades Wrote:Should I tell him the thought of seeing him with another guy is killing me?
Have you spent face-to-face time with this friend? I'm just curious.
In any case, if he is really your friend, you'd be happy for him in finding (or being found by) a partner in love. And your jealousy could end up wrecking what friendship there may be between you.
You may not be able to wish your jealousy away, however. It's best to really explore the jealousy in depth, in order to attempt the alchemy of making lead into gold. Lead, here, is unloving thought-feeling. Gold is loving thought-feeling. One rarely makes gold out of lead by pretending that it isn't lead, after all. So why not explore this bit of lead in minute detail, seeking in it the possibility of transformation into gold?
•
if you found out he is dating its understood you are free to date as well. I would not bring up your dating habits unless he asks you. Tell the truth at that time.
You as a friend should support him so if he is dating you should be interested. Are you two in any position to become lovers, you never met him in person.
•
JRiver Wrote:Have you spent face-to-face time with this friend? I'm just curious.
Yes, we practically saw each other every day for 2 years before I left South Africa. We were gym partners, saw movies together, got drunk together :biggrin:. And in this time we never dated someone else... it felt like it was heading somewhere.
I cant loose him as a friend, but I am not sure how to see him on cam and not break out into tears...
•
Spades Wrote:I have the most amazing best friend.... [...] Another problem is I live 5000 miles away from him. We only e-mail and Skype.
I've been in this situation with a best friend. (I use "best friend" to indicate any of my very closest friends, not just the single top-most friend.) And it is really good in lots of ways, but ultimately leaves me wanting. I have come to know about myself that I really need face-to-face time, and lots of it, with my closest friends. And I really think this is true for everyone. There really is no substitute for arm's length relating, even if physical touch isn't part of the dynamic. And there is no substitute for being able to share meals, take walks, sit in the sun, go hiking..., garden... with one's best friend/s.
Don't let the internet stand in the way of your having an up-close best friend. 'kay?  mile:
•
hello Spades,
Best thing to do is just keep friendship until the day you meet because being 5000 miles isnt a fair nor just thing to do to not allow him to do what he wishes to do and in the end you would be the one getting hurt... To be honest i would try local guys rather than long distance as they rarely work and this isnt to piss on your parade but just give honest upfront advice
Kindest regards
Zeon x
•
Spades Wrote:I cant loose him as a friend, but I am not sure how to see him on cam and not break out into tears...
I see. So you've been up-close friends and now you don't have that anymore. That in itself is a great loss. I'm sad with you in this respect.
I think you should talk with him about all that you are feeling and going through, but please be sensitive to him as well as to yourself in this talking. He also needs your loving support as his friend. So it would be unkind not to celebrate any happiness he may have with another.
Best friends have to talk about all of the important stuff in their lives, and you can't really hide what you are feeing and going through. So tell him. Ask him to help you to work with this stuff you're going through.
Meanwhile, try to expand your heartspace in relation to this friend so that the love is so big that it can contain both joy in his happiness with another and your own sadness in not being the one he's sharing that up-close relationship with. That is: bring love to both yourself and to him. Love him even bigger by letting go of painful attachment. Keep the happy attachment, the open-hearted love that does not cling too much.
•
I am having trouble not being jealous of this new guy, of being happy for my friend. Yes I don't want him to be alone, but I want the person he is with to be me... I hate my illness so much
•
|
Avoiding my best friend
