Avoiding my best friend

[Dan1980]

I felt the same with my friend. We talked about it and are still friends years later. I loved him loads too. Even his boyfriend is a friend of mine. Time is a great healer.

[dfiant]

The green eyed monster, far from being an illness, can be destructive, but it is also a natural emotion.

What you are feeling is natural, but you are going to have to keep your emotions in check and not let them get out of hand so that they destroy your friend, your friendship and yourself. You are going through a process and the process is LOSS, your are grieving and in time it will get easier.

If you feel unable to talk to him, then sit down and write a heart felt email, tell him how you feel.

Ultimately you should give yourself the time and space to get over this.

[JRiver]

I hate my illness so much

Which illness is that? I have not read any posts of yours which mention an illness. Unless you're calling jealousy an illness, that is.


EDIT:

dfiant is right. jealousy is not an illness and is a "natural" emotion. And he was right about the other things he said, as well.

The trick here is to be very kind to both yourself and your friend at this time -- both of you. And one way to be kind to yourself is to ACCEPT your jealousy and embrace it. It is not the enemy. It's just a phase in a process of awakening to an even bigger love.

[Nick9]

I am having trouble not being jealous of this new guy, of being happy for my friend. Yes I don't want him to be alone, but I want the person he is with to be me... I hate my illness so much

Hi Spades,
no offense please, but are you sure that your illness has something to do with your situation and your relationship with your friend? Did he tell you that?
Or do you mean, that you can't move back home right now without your folks?

Maybe you just looking for reasons, for something to blame?

If you two have been this close for two years and nothing happened... Maybe you are his best friend, and he has always wanted things to be this way.

Be grateful for his friendship and try not to ruin it by jealously. I know that it is hard. I really do. But I can't see any way how to make things better right now. Only worse.

Let him know that you are glad he is still getting in touch with you, even though you are far away. Sometimes we need a good friend even more than a lover

[Spades]

OK, to clarify the 'illness' issue... I have multiple sclerosis, because of that I'm in a wheelchair, I have uncontrollable shaking at times, blurred vision, and a couple more. Now because of all my symptoms, I am no longer able to drive, hold down a permanent job, or take care of myself all the time. That is why I had to move back with my parents in Saudi Arabia.

Since I have met him, we knew that this day would come, that is why we never really started a relationship but were as close to one that we could be without getting too attached. But I got attached and now my jealousy is threatening to destroy our friendship...

[Nick9]

Spades, try to keep him in your life Your head must be stronger than your heart.

I had once thought that my symptoms meant that I had MS. Later it turned out that my problems were caused by two different kinds of illness I suffered at once.
But before I got to know that, I had read a lot about the illness and tried to mentally deal with that possibility.
Try to be strong and keep your friend close. And if you need a hug, don't hesitate to come and ask for it

[Rainbowmum]

Spade I know this is hurting you right now.
The more you avoid him , the more pushed away he will feel , and he won't know why.

Don't give up on him , he is still your friend.

[Spades]

Ok, so I made a Skype date with him for Sunday, I am so nervous! I don't want to show him how jealous I am, I really want to be the friend to him that I used to be, cause I miss him so!

I'm afraid he tells me about the weekend that they spent together?

[Nick9]

Hi Spades, if you want to cover you nervousness, tell him you are dealing with some issues, or your friend is, and you are sorry it distracts your mind even during the call.
Happy people tend to overlook bad sings, he may buy it easily, and you calm down and stop being nervous.

Yes he probably will talk about him. He will want to share his happiness with you and make you feel as good as he is feeling. Or they might have some problems, and he will confide in you because you are his best friend, and people ask their best friend for help.

"I wish I had a bf too right now, and I also wish you and me could go out and have a drink together." is probably the closes I would dare. Because if you tell him everything, he may feel bad and guilty. And when he would think about calling you next time, he will remember, that you feel bad because of him, the guilt will be back, and he will tend to avoid the call.

Try to be happy for him. He can't change it now, can't come and whisk you away from SA. There is no reason to make him feel bad.
You will see how it goes. Enjoy your time together on Sunday

[JRiver]

OK, to clarify the 'illness' issue... I have multiple sclerosis, because of that I'm in a wheelchair, I have uncontrollable shaking at times, blurred vision, and a couple more. [....]

Since I have met him, we knew that this day would come, that is why we never really started a relationship but were as close to one that we could be without getting too attached. But I got attached and now my jealousy is threatening to destroy our friendship...

Oh, my, what a sad story! I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. And I do hope that MS will soon be curable.

Meanwhile, do make the best of your situation. You can still have a good and happy life. Never forget that.