blacked out night with bi friend question

[nightofdarkness]

Hey everyone! This is my first post.. and something that happened a few years ago brought me here.. There are some things I've done that weren't gay friendly and I hope you guys don't judge for that since I have changed alot since my teen years..

Well one night I took around 2-3 xanax and told my dad to take me to my best friends house. At that time he was bi-curious and I was pretty sure he had romantic feelings for me. We were friends since 7th grade I believe this was my junior year of highschool.
That night I felt very emotional and lonely and I went to my friends house because we had alot of fights early on, alot of rough housing and anger issues that stemmed mostly from me.. All I remember is the drive to his house..

Went I woke up that morning I found that my zipper was unzipped and I freaked out. Later on he said he gave me blowjob. I thought it wasn't a big deal.

Well fast foward about 2 years right before sophomore year in college.. I did something so aweful and horrible. I regret it not only cause of the consequences I had but because of how intolerant and dumb I am of something that is so commonplace and a la mode. Looking back at these very old texts he was talking to me about this guy who was a lover boy, for a long time and I told him I don't want to hear this shit about your loverboy. Later on I texted him to tell his own dad more about him..

A few days later we were talking about getting women and I have no idea why I did this.. But I told him that girls don't like guys who like to suck dick.. It was very insecure of me to say I know this.. But was suprised me is that I went on and on.. I must have sent 6 or 7 texts bashing his sexuality.. He then sends me a text thats written in poem form.. It begins with how I think i'm rightous because I bury my dick in women, and that I'll go to hell.. then he says that I sucked his dick that night and that my ass was mighty tight..

Me, being heterosexual, freaked out and I called him and he said it was true. He said he sucked me, I slapped my wanker on his face, and then I did him in the ass and cummed. Then he said that we did 69 and he fucked me but didn't cum.

Well these stories were told to me for a couple months and I slowly became depressed.. I have femine features and shit so its alot harder hide stuff like that if it happened, since i'm naturally have a very masculine and heterosexual personality. There were times where I thought he was lying, and times I thought it may be true. I couldn't remember I blacked out..

We smoked once on thanksgiving break and he seemed nervous and told me that whatever happened that night, what you know is what happened. Later on I told him, "so you lied to me?" and then he went on to say that we did stuff. When I told him to tell me the events, at one point he was smiling hysterically, and said "sorry i'm really excited.. then I put it in you, it felt so good"

I asked him on new years eve about the 69 over the phone and he said I pecked his dick.. A few week later I asked him again and he said his dick was definitely in my mouth. So I became depressed again. A month later I had my dad call him. My parents said that he was in love with me and that he was lying in hopes of being with me. I remember at one point he told me to listen to this "gay music" which "caters to us".

My dad calls him and my dad said that he said he was going to back off. An hour later he calls me and says that all the stuff I've been going through wasn't working and he thought the only thing that could set me free was the truth. He went on to say that "all that happened that night was that I sucked your dick". He says he wanted to teach me a lesson about being accepting of homosexual things and stuff, but that it didn't work and that I was just getting depressed and that he was going to tell me eventually. He also said that he did not believe I was heterosexual. He said part of the lying was because of his anger towards me throughout our friendship. (physical, emotional abuse etc)

So I felt good for a few weeks but I talked to him, and told him that what he did left me scars. I was in a mindset were I accepted that I was sexually taken advantage of in some way.. It didn't just go away. I told him why he didn't keep a trump card to reverse his lie.. He then sends me pictures.. from the look of the camera numbers he took around 30 pictures.. of him sucking my penis. I was clearly unconscious or mostly unconscious. My eyes were mostly closed and my mouth my open and shit. The pictures told a thousand words.. It was clear that I couldn't have fucked him or me willingly have him fuck me.

However I became worried.. Although all the 30 pictures were of him sucking my limp penis, how can I be sure he didn't try to rape me or put his penis in my mouth? He was 17 and it was his first sexual experience.. He also is a nice guy, and respectable. But I don't know.. He said that I had to piss that night, and I was falling everywhere.. So he took me to the bathroom and unzipped my pants for me to piss. Then I was on his bed crying about how I don't have real friends and how I broke up with my gf etc. My dick was already basically out he said.. and he started to suck it and I let him. Then I passed out while he was sucking me. He was jacking off and taking pictures, and when he was done he washed up, pulled my pants up and kissed me on the forehead goodnight.. He said he hoped I remembered

He swore to god, and love that all that happened was that he sucked me. But I remember once he swore to god that we did alot more than that previously.. His excuse for lying was that he was autopilot and that lying about the situation was just nature at that point. I mean now that I see the pics I know that obviously wasn't the case, but can I be sure he didn't do me in the ass and put his dick in my mouth?

I saw in one of the pics that my pants slid down, and he said it was because he wanted to "get all of my dick". My dad said I would felt it the next morning. Is this true? His dick is rather large I believed when we measured he was 7.5-8 inches.

I know this post is large but the situation has been draining me alot lately, especially with the new town i'm in by myself, without a car. (DUI) Do you guys think that anything else happened other than him sucking me? Thanks in advance..

[Nick9]

Do you guys think that anything else happened other than him sucking me? Thanks in advance..

*sigh* and what difference will it make? Will you be more tolerant to gay people? Would you hate them less? Are you feeling insecure and dirty because maybe it had happened and maybe (*faint*) you liked it?

Try to accept it or forget it because nothing we will say will make you sure.
Actually, it is just my guess, but you have spent so much time writing about all the details, that it may mean that somewhere in the back of your mind, so deep that you don't want to know about it, you are not that repulsed by the idea.
I am not saying it to hurt you. Just think about it.

[LateBloomer]

Just a few thoughts...

--I would feel worse about being so stoned and/or drunk that I'm not fully aware of my surroundings to the point I can't protect myself.

--I do think you were "abused" or "taken advantage of" or whatever word you want to choose.

--I think your friend is a user, abuser and pathological liar.

--I agree with Nick that it wouldn't make any difference whatever else happened. It's done. All you can do is forgive YOURSELF and the OTHER GUY and promise yourself you'll never put yourself in that position again.

Good luck.

[zeon]

Hello,
Sorry to hear this vile bastard took advantage of you.... I hate to break it to you but oral sex counts as rape and i believe that he took his advantage on you when you was in a position of not being able to resist and defend yourself.. He is a disgrace to the GLBT community and a disgrace to people in general as people like him are infact weak... Weak to play games to get what they want.. If i was you i would avoid him at all costs because his motivation is to get to you and just suck you off and to be honest if your not interested in man on man action then you shouldnt gbe feeling as though your pressured into giving into this.. The photos he took of you if you can obtain them and feel that you want to contact the police use this as evidence to obtain justice as what he has done is un forgiveable..

If he has a fantasy about yopu he should have kept it locked inside in the event of him knowing if your gay or bi sexual or if he likes you more than a friend by all means open up and then you can take that as a compliment.. Now with regards to this guilt hanging over you... Forgive yourself and place it down to a once in a life time experience.. If you choose to do it again out of curiousity then go for it but if not dont let it haunt you..

I would ask that in life you dont judge us all by the standards he has done to you because i can say hand on heart that myself like 99%of GBLT people respect others sexuality and dont go abusing the trust especially when it comes to friends

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon x

[Bowyn Aerrow]

especially with the new town i'm in by myself, without a car. (DUI)

DUI - so this doing drugs and/or drinking to black out is one of your favorite past-times?

His dick is rather large I believed when we measured he was 7.5-8 inches.

Measured his dick? Do straight boys do that?


I had a straight friend do this sort of 'game' thing with me, were he would get high/drunk and come over to my house then try to get me to 'play' with him. While stone sober he was 'oh no, bro - I can't ever do that sort of thing'.

Drunk/high he was all over me - nearly had to beat him off with a stick.

Next day he would be 'What happened last night?'

Since he really wasn't straight, but struggling with his inner gay man, he found a way to try to have that gay sex he wanted and not have to be responsible for his actions. Unfortunately for him I have very strong ethics and don't date 'straight' men - ever. So he was SOL each time he played these games.

So since you blacked out - what really happened??? Was it simply him helping you to the bathroom and your dick flopped out, or was it you asking for help and letting your dick flop out to tease him?

He pretty much assumed you two were 'dating' at the very least...

Going back over to smoke (I assume dope) after all of that one Thanksgiving sends the wrong message. Don't you think?

So its OK for you to talk about women but he can't talk about guys? Its ok for you to lash out and hurt him when he speaks of loverboy, but he isn't allowed to lash back at you when you speak of sucking dick and women?

Yeah I'm sure there is lies here. Lots of them. He most likely did indeed inflate what really happened in order to hurt you back. But hey, you started it.

Did he rape you? Doubtful - and I suspect that the old saw 'You can't rape the willing' plays in here big time.

[Gizzie]

I dont think it matters what else happened that night.
Just dont let him pester you any more because obviously he enjoys how much he can bother you.

[Sequard]

Well one night I took around 2-3 xanax

for starters why did you take xanax in high school honey it does not solve your problems, tell us here we will help you ok ?

[nightofdarkness]

DUI - so this doing drugs and/or drinking to black out is one of your favorite past-times?


Measured his dick? Do straight boys do that?


I had a straight friend do this sort of 'game' thing with me, were he would get high/drunk and come over to my house then try to get me to 'play' with him. While stone sober he was 'oh no, bro - I can't ever do that sort of thing'.

Drunk/high he was all over me - nearly had to beat him off with a stick.

Next day he would be 'What happened last night?'

Since he really wasn't straight, but struggling with his inner gay man, he found a way to try to have that gay sex he wanted and not have to be responsible for his actions. Unfortunately for him I have very strong ethics and don't date 'straight' men - ever. So he was SOL each time he played these games.

So since you blacked out - what really happened??? Was it simply him helping you to the bathroom and your dick flopped out, or was it you asking for help and letting your dick flop out to tease him?

He pretty much assumed you two were 'dating' at the very least...

Going back over to smoke (I assume dope) after all of that one Thanksgiving sends the wrong message. Don't you think?

So its OK for you to talk about women but he can't talk about guys? Its ok for you to lash out and hurt him when he speaks of loverboy, but he isn't allowed to lash back at you when you speak of sucking dick and women?

Yeah I'm sure there is lies here. Lots of them. He most likely did indeed inflate what really happened in order to hurt you back. But hey, you started it.

Did he rape you? Doubtful - and I suspect that the old saw 'You can't rape the willing' plays in here big time.

lol I mean we were in 8th grade or so.. a competition between dick size, more of a boyish thing. I'm pretty sure I let him suck me.. but I passed out during it. I wanted him to come over to smoke because I wanted to see what he had to say through my own eyes.. I know I started it, but there's part of me that thinks lying is a different animal. I'm pretty sure I really did have to piss.. he said I was falling all over the place in there..

[nightofdarkness]

*sigh* and what difference will it make? Will you be more tolerant to gay people? Would you hate them less? Are you feeling insecure and dirty because maybe it had happened and maybe (*faint*) you liked it?

Try to accept it or forget it because nothing we will say will make you sure.
Actually, it is just my guess, but you have spent so much time writing about all the details, that it may mean that somewhere in the back of your mind, so deep that you don't want to know about it, you are not that repulsed by the idea.
I am not saying it to hurt you. Just think about it.

I don't mind that he sucked me, its not a big deal. I just know for a fact that I was blacked out after (by the pictures) and I'd hate to be taken advantage of, you know like anal penetration and stuff.. and all the lies he told me before triggered those thoughts. Do you think I would have felt it?

I don't want to come off as a homo-phobe.. its just that I don't have the balls to be the one doing the sucking or getting fucked or any of that. I don't know if its the way I look or the way I carry myself, its just not me. Especially not with him, I mean yea of course I think some guys are attractive.. but females take precedence. I don't think its enough to label me bi because I simply don't have the urge to do something sexual with a man unless its with Johnny Depp or something? lol I think any straight guy thinks that deep down but they don't say it. I still would be reluctant to be getting did by him though..

[nightofdarkness]

plz help im only 19 have mercy!