I think I'm starting to hate my best friend....help!

[Anonymous]

So I have been friends with this guy for almost 14 years. We've been through just about everything together, and are more like brothers than friends...at least, that's the way things used to be.

Lately, I look at him, and see him in a completely different light than I used to...and this new light is not for the better.

A few examples: I've noticed that throughout the entire friendship, I've been the one putting all the effort into staying friends it seems. I do all the calling, I arrange all the things to do when we hang out, I do all the supporting through hard times.....not once has he reciprocated any effort or worked to maintain the relationship on his part. I can count the number of times he has phoned me to speak without me doing so first on one hand. Every time he comes over to spend time, I always pay his way for lunch, since I'm acting as host (and I feel good friends treat one another from time to time). yet, he has never offered to return the favor, and its not for a lack of money (he has no bills to pay except his phone)

Not very long ago, I was teetering very close to the edge of suicide....and I went to his house for help and someone I could talk to and confide in. In what I thought was a moment of true compassion, he offered to let me stay the night so I wouldn't have to be alone. I told him I appreciated it, but I'd be happy just to talk and not be a burden on him. His response was 'well yes, it would be a burden....but I don't mind" Who says that sort of thing to their best friend considering suicide? Even if they did feel that way, why say something so hurtful to someone in pain?

Its not just that scenario either. I've provided a shoulder for him to cry on every time he's been hurt, with no expectations for myself other than the knowledge I'm doing what any decent human being would for their friends. When I come to him for support, be it over a break-up or stress or what have you...his response is the same...a generic "bummer dude" or "that sucks....can I bum a cigarette from you?" response. Its like he only cares for himself anymore....and it never used to be like this.

He didn't get his first job until he was 25...and now that he has a part-time job, he struts around like cock of the walk...he used to be on government assistance when he was unemployed...but his tune changed when he got a job, looking down on those on welfare himself now...hypocrite.

He was also one of the first people I came out to...and he has no problem with gay people. But whenever I try to talk about a new boyfriend or GLBT issue (nothing risque either, just normal issues)....he becomes very uncomfortable it seems and clams up...which makes me wonder if he's hiding some true feelings

I'm just seeing his newfound ego, his unwillingness to have anything to do with his old friends, his callousness....and becoming truly disgusted. I still look at him like a brother, and hope he feels the same about me still....but its getting to the point where I can't stand who he has become...and wonder if all childhood friendships are doomed to dissolve in our adulthood as we grow and change from the people we used to be.

Apologies for the long rant, but this has weighed heavily on my mind and heart for some time now. Anyone else been in similar situations or can offer advice...I'm all ears.

[spencer]

I had a very similar situation recently with my best friend. I vocalized my issues and attempted to resolve them but I wasn't heard. I have not spoken to her since and that was in December or January. I think sometimes there just comes a point when it doesn't work, people grow apart as they change. Before the downfall, one friend acted as kind of a mediator and we had a discussion that didn't go well but I would suggest trying to discuss with him how he's changed and how it's hurting you. He might not even realize what he's doing.

[pellaz]

... whenever I try to talk about a new boyfriend or GLBT issue (nothing risque either, just normal issues)....he becomes very uncomfortable it seems and clams up...which makes me wonder if he's hiding some true feelings ...

if your friend is not comfortable with his sexuality, he will react when you talk about yours

[dlboy53]

Tell him how you feel and ask why. Point out these issues maybe he does not realize that he is doing it or maybe he does. Like stated about maybe he is struggling with an issue himself and can not deal with it. put the ball in his court.

[Puck]

Tell him how you feel and ask why. Point out these issues maybe he does not realize that he is doing it or maybe he does. Like stated about maybe he is struggling with an issue himself and can not deal with it. put the ball in his court.

Couldn't have [put it better myself.

Everyone's different on what their consider good manners or acceptable behavior for friendships.

If you two have been friends as long as you say, I highly doubt he's doing this deliberately to hurt your feelings.

Might be an awkward conversation, but I also suggest sitting him down and airing your concerns to him. Better than dwelling on it with no resolution and having your feelings fester until ultimately they explode and completely obliterate any chance of remaining friends.

[Jason74]

I say just communicate how you feel and tell him exactly what you said to start this post and see what his reactions are and hopefully things will work out, if they don't I am sure you can find someone to replace him that will be there for you more than he was. It might be hard to let go of the friendship but you have to do what is right for you.

[Rainbowmum]

Some times friendship just like love can blind us.
It takes a lot of work to keep any relationship strong , if it is a one sided effort ,animosity will creep in.

You have outgrown him , and now that there is some distance between you , you are seeing his true colors.
Look at it as good fortune , you are now free of him.
You deserve better.