04-29-2012, 09:42 AM
Hey, I just watched a vid and I wanted to ask anyone here (or anyone who knows someone from this background) who had been raised in a Christian home that said gays are damned (and believed it themselves) if they'd been willing to consider killing themselves (and WHY) over a religious belief as described here at 2:10-20 (and Tyra adds another had said the same thing):
Can someone explain to me why he wouldn't at least try to have at least a brief moment of happiness? :confused:
After all, many Christians like to say, "If there's no God I haven't lost anything for believing, but if there is a God I get everything." So why not, "If there's a God who cursed me and now I'm going to Hell then it's futile to resist as I can go later after having hopefully experienced a moment of happiness and just maybe I'll change before I die and go to Heaven after all, but if there's not a God then I can have a life that might include love, happiness, and fulfillment without the Hell"?
Is it like a terror? I've read that some people lost at sea have intentionally drowned themselves because they couldn't stand the terror of trying to stay alive, so to end the fear they ended themselves. But given that the terror in this case is of Hell and one is going there after death then I don't see how this could be the case...
I had assumed that the reason so many gays raised in this background committed suicide because of the SOCIAL reasons (the reasons I can understand). That is, they didn't want to face the rejection (and worse) from their friends, family, and church which would cause them such heartache so to prevent this from happening they kill themselves (or kill themselves because this rejection happened). I can imagine some hating themselves because they think God hates them and can't understand why they can't "pray it away," but surely suicide wouldn't make it better in any way. Seeing this made me think there must be something else at work, however, a specter in one's mind so to speak, that one believes in this God so much that they want to SEND THEMSELVES to eternal torment because that's what Jesus would do.
One more thing that baffled me: he says later on that he didn't tell his mom he was gay because he didn't want to disappoint her, yet he was willing to kill himself. Does this mean that some believe being gay is an even bigger sin and shame than suicide? :confused:
Remember, I wasn't raised Christian so I don't "feel God" or fear Hell anymore than I fear getting coal in my stocking on Christmas, and the Bible is as meaningful to me as the Koran. So can you explain this "force" or "presence" that afflicted you (or gods forbid, still afflicts you)?
I'd like to understand this not only because human nature intrigues me, and not only because I think it can help me better understand (and thus counter/predict) those who wish to kill me out of religious morality (and I have been threatened with death before with Bible verses cited why me and my girlfriend had to die), but because it might make it possible for me to help someone in the future who believes they must do God's will by killing themselves because right now I currently have NO IDEA what this is like.
Another part I'm wondering about is if people are raised to at least consider killing themselves because they felt they've betrayed God for being gay then what do all their straight relatives think of gays? After all, if gays unfortunate enough to be raised in such homes are willing to kill themselves then aren't their straight relatives even more willing to kill someone else for it if given the chance? :eek:
I do recall someone I used to know who told me when she voted against Prop 8 she found it hard because she could "feel God's disappointment" in her (despite that she no longer believed, at least not at a conscious level) and it was painful for her. I wish now I could get in touch with her again and ask her more about that...
And btw, have you ever seen the Jasmine arc of season 4 Angel? I recall finding this really creepy and also paralleling Bible prophecy of a "new heaven and new earth" where all live in love & harmony worshiping the divine, and as I saw on that YT vid I linked to where he was going to send himself to Hell because he had failed God by being gay I was reminded of where Angel fell in worship before her, robbed of his free will and now considering Jasmine as God, and handed her his sword and asked that he be executed for having worked against her. I'm curious what you thought of that scene and any feelings you had watching it. That is, could you relate? And did you feel horror at the scene (as I did)?
Thanks.
Can someone explain to me why he wouldn't at least try to have at least a brief moment of happiness? :confused:
After all, many Christians like to say, "If there's no God I haven't lost anything for believing, but if there is a God I get everything." So why not, "If there's a God who cursed me and now I'm going to Hell then it's futile to resist as I can go later after having hopefully experienced a moment of happiness and just maybe I'll change before I die and go to Heaven after all, but if there's not a God then I can have a life that might include love, happiness, and fulfillment without the Hell"?
Is it like a terror? I've read that some people lost at sea have intentionally drowned themselves because they couldn't stand the terror of trying to stay alive, so to end the fear they ended themselves. But given that the terror in this case is of Hell and one is going there after death then I don't see how this could be the case...
I had assumed that the reason so many gays raised in this background committed suicide because of the SOCIAL reasons (the reasons I can understand). That is, they didn't want to face the rejection (and worse) from their friends, family, and church which would cause them such heartache so to prevent this from happening they kill themselves (or kill themselves because this rejection happened). I can imagine some hating themselves because they think God hates them and can't understand why they can't "pray it away," but surely suicide wouldn't make it better in any way. Seeing this made me think there must be something else at work, however, a specter in one's mind so to speak, that one believes in this God so much that they want to SEND THEMSELVES to eternal torment because that's what Jesus would do.
One more thing that baffled me: he says later on that he didn't tell his mom he was gay because he didn't want to disappoint her, yet he was willing to kill himself. Does this mean that some believe being gay is an even bigger sin and shame than suicide? :confused:
Remember, I wasn't raised Christian so I don't "feel God" or fear Hell anymore than I fear getting coal in my stocking on Christmas, and the Bible is as meaningful to me as the Koran. So can you explain this "force" or "presence" that afflicted you (or gods forbid, still afflicts you)?
I'd like to understand this not only because human nature intrigues me, and not only because I think it can help me better understand (and thus counter/predict) those who wish to kill me out of religious morality (and I have been threatened with death before with Bible verses cited why me and my girlfriend had to die), but because it might make it possible for me to help someone in the future who believes they must do God's will by killing themselves because right now I currently have NO IDEA what this is like.
Another part I'm wondering about is if people are raised to at least consider killing themselves because they felt they've betrayed God for being gay then what do all their straight relatives think of gays? After all, if gays unfortunate enough to be raised in such homes are willing to kill themselves then aren't their straight relatives even more willing to kill someone else for it if given the chance? :eek:
I do recall someone I used to know who told me when she voted against Prop 8 she found it hard because she could "feel God's disappointment" in her (despite that she no longer believed, at least not at a conscious level) and it was painful for her. I wish now I could get in touch with her again and ask her more about that...
And btw, have you ever seen the Jasmine arc of season 4 Angel? I recall finding this really creepy and also paralleling Bible prophecy of a "new heaven and new earth" where all live in love & harmony worshiping the divine, and as I saw on that YT vid I linked to where he was going to send himself to Hell because he had failed God by being gay I was reminded of where Angel fell in worship before her, robbed of his free will and now considering Jasmine as God, and handed her his sword and asked that he be executed for having worked against her. I'm curious what you thought of that scene and any feelings you had watching it. That is, could you relate? And did you feel horror at the scene (as I did)?
Thanks.