Maybe it's a sign

[monk]

Find another (better) therapist. The one you saw should be struck off the register.

[Spades]

Nick, I've tried to commit suicide because of health problems before, and the only thing that did was leave 2 long scars up my arm and a deep hurt in the people who love me. Speak to your partner about this, so that he can be there for you, so that he knows he's not the reason you are pulling away.

I had a disease for 5 years before I would acknowledge it, and when I finally did speak up, I found it liberating. Yes. there are still some bad days, but knowing that I have a support network really helps!
And we are here for you bud! You still owe me a tour of the Czech countryside

[Nick9]

Nick, I've tried to commit suicide because of health problems before, and the only thing that did was leave 2 long scars up my arm and a deep hurt in the people who love me. Speak to your partner about this, so that he can be there for you, so that he knows he's not the reason you are pulling away.

Yeah, you are right. I wish it would be easier. But yes, I am afraid that's exactly how he feels :frown:

I had a disease for 5 years before I would acknowledge it, and when I finally did speak up, I found it liberating. Yes. there are still some bad days, but knowing that I have a support network really helps!
And we are here for you bud! You still owe me a tour of the Czech countryside

Thanks. Hmm, have I really promised you that?

[LateBloomer]

Thank you so much, guys :frown:

Latebloomer, you are very right. If it was someone else's post, I would have had no problem to encourage him or her and to find good things in his/her situation. Too bad I can't do it for myself.

You know I had spent hours to keep SadSilence's head above water (yeah I know he is a swimmer *chuckle*), but lately I am thinking that what he does can feel really good. I am still sane enough to not cut, but I needed someone's help to find a way how to cope with it differently. Yeah, I didn't get it yesterday.

The thing is, I have some.. hmm heath problems. No, it's not terminal. If I rule out a suicide that is :biggrin: It's not a disease. My partner even doesn't know about it. But it won't go away and it's been destroying me and my relationship for years. Lately it's gotten much worse (psychically) and I really don't know how to deal with it.

Yesterday I felt like climbing a long flight of stairs to get to that therapist's door. I certainly hadn't expected he would push me down those stairs again.

Ok, I understand you have health problems but it's not a disease...

So, it's nothing you can give your partner. But I agree with Spades, you should include your partner in this issue, especially if it's affecting your relationships.

Keep us updated on this, I'm sure at least ONE of us has gone through a similar thing.

[ceez]

hang in there buddy, if your depression is like mine then you'll feel better in a couple days. In the mean time try to find a real therapist to talk to

plus it would hurt me very much if you weren't here

[Spades]

Yeah, you are right. I wish it would be easier. But yes, I am afraid that's exactly how he feels

When I felt powerless against my condition I pulled away from people, cut myself off socially, and that was stupid! I ended up hurting my friends and family, my lover (we broke up because of this) and myself. So talk to him, let him know what is happening, if he really loves you, he will share your tears and then give you a hug

Thanks. Hmm, have I really promised you that?

Nope, but if I visit, I want one from you :biggrin:

[Nick9]

hang in there buddy, if your depression is like mine then you'll feel better in a couple days. In the mean time try to find a real therapist to talk to

plus it would hurt me very much if you weren't here

I remember, ceez. Your depression was the reason I started to post at GS. Because I was afraid that you would do something desperate.
I don't think about suicide now. After the last year, I can see the difference. I just feel really hopeless. I have made another appointment. Hopefully this one will do. Because I don't have the strength to make a third one. Maybe I am looking for something no one can give me anyway... The instructional manual how to deal with it :biggrin: I don't know.

And thank you

When I felt powerless against my condition I pulled away from people, cut myself off socially, and that was stupid! I ended up hurting my friends and family, my lover (we broke up because of this) and myself. So talk to him, let him know what is happening, if he really loves you, he will share your tears and then give you a hug

Yes, that's what I need *dreamy smile* - a hug. I would be lost without this smiley :biggrin:

Nope, but if I visit, I want one from you :biggrin:

okay :biggrin:

[zeon]

Hello Nick,
I would say suicidal thoughts are not nice end of... Life is a gift mister one that isnt granted to everyone who starts where life begins.. I think the counsellor should be repremanded because when you go to seek help they hjave a duty of care and if they allow this to fail then they are not fit for practice.. Dont allow it to get to you because it isnt worth it at the end of the day you got us on GS... Feeling suicidal is never an option to go down because things happen in life and oppetunities open up within life itself which you could end up missing out on if something happenned... I used to feel suicidal when i was younger and had a lot of abuse and one day I thought to myself.... Why do I need to take my own life and what exactly is making me feelk like this??? I weighed up my life on what i have achieved and what i have yet to achieve and then i recognised what was bringing me down... Even today if i get down mister i think to myself I have my two beautiful dogs who are there looking aftyer me company wise, i have my mortgage i fought tooth and nail for (despite having to pull a few strings and little white lies)... I have finally got my life going even though its young... 25 years when it started and 27 now its re buiolding.... Picture life like a computer console.... Back in 1985 when technology was new... Nintendo was realeased... This was the start of a lifetime revolution and as time has gone on computers have got better and better and with life... Life gets better and better if you allow it to do so

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon x

[Nick9]

thanks Zeon

you know, Latebloomer was right. I wrote something similar (to your advice) to the Anonymous' post this morning. So why it is so hard for me to accept an advice from myself? I don't know.

You know the feeling when you have a secret and the longer you are keeping it a secret, the harder it gets to say it aloud? It's not so big deal after all. It doesn't concern anybody else, just me and him, but after all those years I am not able to say it aloud when I am alone in a room. So, yeah, I do need a therapy. Maybe when I say it to him after all, he will say Okay, fine. What movie do you want to watch today? :biggrin: And I would beat myself over my head

[zeon]

Hello Nick,
Inside us we all have a defense mechanism and we are not good at listening to our own advice because we beggar belief whereas if someone confirms what you are thinking then you know its the right path to go down... With regards to saying what u need to say why dont u just think u know what bollocks this im saying it whats the worse that happens??? I aint gonnas end up dead so nothing really and say things as they are....... It will take a weight off your shoulders and be able to put back on the floor

kindest regards

aunty zeon x

p.s its cruel t b kind