Bitterness

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure what is happening to me, My depressions has gone in cycles for a while but lately I've not felt... I think it has gone to bitterness. I mean I am still suicidal and think my life suck, but I don't feel bad about it. I hate my self I hate my life... I used to be sad feeling that I wanted to take my life... When I think about killing my self today it just feel like doing chores, it has to be done. I am not feeling sad, I would only feel relieved that it would be done but there is always something stopping me. I am young, to young many would say, but I feel like I am an grumpy 80 years old man laying on my deathbed waiting for the agony to be done, to be no more. Every day, every moment, every second I am dreaming of a dramatic death just so people would see me... But what would it matter. I am and always be who I am... For ever an ogre. I mean... Has anyone been in my position before? Eh who cares no one likes random ranting I don't need empathy... Is it easy to hire an assassin just to be done with it all?

[younglove]

What makes you feel so sad and alone?

[Nick9]

Hi Anon

You must be around for some time, otherwise you couldn't have posted as Anonymous. You know that there is a lot of people who feel this way at GS. Have you read Better off dead just several threads below yours?
You are definitely not alone in this.
Do you know why you feel this way?

[Anonymous]

Hi Anon

You must be around for some time, otherwise you couldn't have posted as Anonymous. You know that there is a lot of people who feel this way at GS. Have you read Better off dead just several threads below yours?
You are definitely not alone in this.
Do you know why you feel this way?

Yes I've been here for a while... I've read some... I meant more of... Nvm it was just stupid for me to post this just let the thread die...

[pellaz]

your too good to just throw away. Serious.

[Nick9]

Yes I've been here for a while... I've read some... I meant more of... Nvm it was just stupid for me to post this just let the thread die...

Oh, well don't give me that shit
I have never said that. I have a very nice thread here myself. It's still "damp from the ink." Just two days ago I was thinking if it would be better to be hit by a subway train or a bus.
My great therapist said to me, that everybody had issues and dealt with them, and I must to. Then he kicked me out.
So, trust me, I know where you are at

So you are not sure what is the trigger for your dark thoughts? Why do you hate your life? Is it because you are gay/lesbian, because you are alone, has been dumped, lost your job, moved far away from your friends?
Knowing that it would be easier to give you advice and some love

Just know, that you would be missed.

Every day, every moment, every second I am dreaming of a dramatic death just so people would see me...

Where is the fun in that when you wouldn't see it, Anon.

Stay with us and tell us more why you are feeling that way...

[younglove]

I am 23 and in my first relationship. I came out this past summer after denying and hiding who I was for my whole life. I went through times when I considered suicide or that no one would miss me. After I came out, I found someone who grew to love me and hearing him say that made me cry. I never thought I would have that in my life. Someone who loves me. I am telling you this because had I chosen to take my life, I would never have lived to see it get better. I would never have met my boyfriend. I would have missed out on so many amazing moments and experiences. In the end, life really is short. Don't let your problems today prevent you from the greatness of tomorrow.

[Nick9]

Anon? Come back to us...

[zeon]

Hello there,
Death is never an option until the right time.... Having depression can lead to these thoughts because your finding it hard to cope with situatioins in life... Life however is one big game we all play and have fun in... Whats bothering you??? If we can identify this we may be able to advise you how to potentially move onwards and upwards to the window of oppetunity because the quicker this gets shifted the quicker you can live your life for you

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon xx

[Rainbowmum]

Hi Anon,
Bitterness and resentment should never rule your life.
I would like to suggest professional help, you need to get on top of this.
You need tools that will help you cope.

Death is never the answer.