He doesnt trust me

[lost537]

I've been in my first gay relationship for 7 months now. He constantly accuses me of cheating on him. Even after living with him for the last 1 1/2 months he thinks I am picking up people in restauruants if I go out to lunch. It's at the point where there is nothing I can say to convince him that I am completely in love and would never do such a thing. I thought I had found the person to spend the rest of my life with but I cant go on having to defend myself of something I would never do. Do I be patient and keep reassuring him that I love and want only him, or do I run for the hills. In either case, it hurts tremendously

[CustomMadeKid]

In my opinion, you should sit him down and ask him once and for all why he suspects you of cheating? It may be that he has been cheated on in the past and it's caused massive insecurities. Or there may be another reason, has he told you exactly why be suspects it?

Then I'd tell him that he either has to start trusting you or you guys split up. Relationships are built around trust and love, and if he doesn't trust you then you probably shouldn't be together. Hopefully it won't come to that though, hopefully you can both just talk it out and make sure he promises to start trusting you. It's not fair on you because you've been faithful. Sorry to hear you're going through this, I hope everything works out!

[lost537]

Thanks, I appreciate it.
He says he was cheated on before after a 14 year relationship. We've talked over and over about why he thinks I cheat but none of his reasons make any sense. He demands that I use google lattitued GPS so he knows exactly where I am at when I am at work. I told him that I don't beleive that I have ever shown him any reason to be tracked like a common criminal and that I would not do it. GPS only shows me that he has absolutly no trust, he thinks my not agreeing means I am hiding something.

[East]

This may be hard to hear but I have found out that people who are really suspicious of the other person are usually projecting their own thoughts and feelings to their partners.

The cure...get him to own his own feelings and maybe even actions.....

The past relationship and insecurity stuff are the acceptable excuses...if they are obsessed with it then they think you are doing what THEY are doing...whether it be in thought or in action.

(Quickie insight)....the thing is...alot of people hold themselves up to some kind of absurd standard...they image love and expect "love" to be a fairy tale in which they just "know" they will feel a certain way. When they find themselves always looking around at other people or lusting after other men they maybe cannot accept themselves or their behavior because they feel guilty or ashamed that they are "in love" and "shouldn't" feel this way so they disassociate from it and pretend they dont feel that way...that is the moment their partner is screwed.

The other option...they might be extreme control freaks....some people want to "own" you...no judgements one way or the other but it is something to perhaps consider.

[Bookworm]

His insecurities seem to be making your life a misery. If he is never going to work on his own issues himself, rather than transferring them onto you, I don't see an easy resolution to this, other than walking away and leaving him to work through his lack of trust.

If someone demanded that I be tracked 24/7, I'd be showing them the door. You can't build a positive, healthy relationship in such a stifling distrustful environment.

[Rikki]

Nail on the head east. What we see outside is actually distortEd by how we are inside. It is good that you do not agrEe to the gps thing as this is his issue and his responsibility to work through it. But first he needs to take responsibility for it which is the hardest thing for anyone. If you were to agree to it then he would just require it of everyone and that would not be solving his iSsues. To critique another to such extents means which actually need to look at ourselves

[pellaz]

my partner is always texting me every 44 minutes if i love him. Bothered me at first, got used to it. Maybe there are things you do that he dosnt like. Sit down the two of you and discuss your issues.

It may be a good time to attend a group session for lgbt partners. Make a vacation of it and attend a class in SF. It might sound different for him in front of other people?

[dfiant]

Yeah, massive insecurities.

You need to sit down with him and talk and solve this issue or the insecurities will sour the relationship.

Good luck.

[Rainbowmum]

Your partner is suffering from insecurities.
Get him to a therapist as soon as you can , if his insecurities stem from someone cheating on him.
Nothing you can say will change that.

He needs help.