he is cheating, but I love him??

[slokara]

hi guys,

maybe you remember my post here : "is he cheating???"
I could not add a link.

I suspected that he may cheated on me. I played a game, and he had to confess that he tried to cheat. The reason was that there was a problem with our bed. He had a problem with erection. But as he said, this was the first time he had a failure of erection.

First I asked him whether he finds me attractive or not. He always said I was attractive. But then he confessed me, he said that he just wanted to have sex in order to understand whether same situation would happen with another person or not. I was very angry. I could not speak with him for 2 days. Then I went to his house, and saw that he is really , really sorry.

For the first time, I forgave him because I knew that erection was a big problem for him. And also he could be a passive for me also. Anyway, I said him that if this happens again, I will never forgive him. And he promised that will never happen. It is so strange I never thought that I can forgive one who cheat on me, but this one is different. I really love him.

I am regularly spending 5 days with him.

Anyway, we spend 1 month without talking about that situation. I was happy. And we are not bad at bed. But 1 week ago, I saw he login the same website in which we met. Then I said him that I really afraid of loosing him, do you cheat on me? he said "I never do again". But I could not believe in him. So I said him "I will go to my house, I cannot come to his house for 2 days.." He said OK. But I knew his msn password, and before going to my home, I made MSN-messenger to save what is written.

Then I came today afternoon. I really tried not to think that he may cheated on me. Then I could not resist, and login his computer and saw what he wrote. He is talking with others who wants to come his house. He is saying "before coming, call me. Beacuse he (me) can come. But he won't come before calling." Something like that. Also I understood that he has sex with other at least 2 people.

I really pissed of.

BUT I LOVE HIM AGAIN. AND FUNNY PART IS I KNOW HE LOVES ME.
HE may want to have sex with others. But I cannot accept it again. This is so humiliating. Now he is sleeping. Tonight I will write what I think about him, then tomorrow I will make him to read it. I am really pissed of. But I love him.

But I know some relationships that people love each other, but they have sex with others also. I do not know I can do this. He is my first love and I cannot share him with others. Besides, he said me first he loved me. Then I loved him.

Actually I partly know ahy he is cheating on me. Because he is alone. When I am not with him, he has no friend. His best friend is at the hospital, he may die. But this excuse also seems stupid.

The thing that I afraid of is that when he reads my letter, He may not say anything. Can he say "OK this is me, the door is there. you can go." or "I have nothing to say, If you want you can go" or spliting apart my letter.

I want him to beg me. I want him to ask for my forgivness. I am afraid of forgive him after he beg me or cry. I could not see him crying

If I break up with him, I will be in a blank. I will not know what to do. This is really freaking

[dfiant]

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=19815

That's your previous thread. You won't get any different advice.

Leave him and move on.

[Nick9]

I can't believe you are still doing it - spying on him, reading his personal letters, logging into his accounts...
He may cheat on you, but your are definitely cheating on him

and you want him to beg...

trust, equality, no blackmailing, no spying, no empty threats, that's what a good relationship is about.
I am afraid you are just living together, but there is no relatioship

[avidcyclistMTB]

I agree with Nick. You have chosen to cheat on him. If there is so much doubt in your mind that you have to spy on him through logging into his accounts then there is a serious fault in the relationship on both sides now.

It's hard to lose your first love, as you describe it. There will be others and perhaps more trustworthy ones, but you, yourself have to become trustworthy for the next one and put the trust in your partner until/unless it is betrayed. Sounds like your boyfriend betrayed you before and again and you ended up playing a game with your relationship. What's that worth?

Move on, grow up and enjoy life instead of being miserable.

[TomStatic]

What a tramp,
you may love him, but u would find someone else to love,
he is just going to do it again,
give your self some self respect and never speak to him again
u deserve to be respected and he cant even repect loyalty

[Bowyn Aerrow]

There is a saying:

Do me wrong once, shame on you, do me wrong twice shame on me.

He has a history of cheating, he isn't going to change that. Your only mistake here is you think he is going to change his ways and 'not' cheat on you again.

But he will, if you give him the go ahead. What is giving him the go ahead, handing him your heart and telling him its his to do with as he wants.

Your best bet is to tell him that its over. Slam that door in his face, scream at him, call him all manner of things which he is - get it and him out of your system and walk on.

There are many men in this world who will love you and will treat you and your relationship with respect. This ain't the one. Sorry.

[East]

My advice to you is the same as it was the first time...the only thing I have to add is a challenge...for you....

Here it is...

Define Love

[Gizzie]

Once you start spying, you wont be able to stop.
I dont mind you staying in this relationship for the drama, but you wont get any other advise than that you are wasting your time and need to move on.

[malexander]

good luck. and yeah...once you start spying you won't be able to stop

[Rainbowmum]

Hello again

I see things have not changed on the trust front.
You are still snooping, he is still cheating, you are playing silly games , he is being played.

I want him to beg me. I want him to ask for my forgivness. I am afraid of forgive him after he beg me or cry. I could not see him crying

Why would you want to submit someone you love ,or profess to love to begging and crying?

If I break up with him, I will be in a blank. I will not know what to do. This is really freaking

Do not put your self worth on another company , you survived before you met him , and as unbelievable as this might sound , you will do just fine without him.