I am terrible at that. I have three people who tell me I am their best friend and I am absolutely the worst at getting back to them on anything. And then I probably only physically see each of them like once a month. An active, good friend I am not.
I say that I hate talking on the phone, texting runs my bill up, and I don't check my email often for most people (all true, but I don't mind it as much as I say I do). But those three know that I just don't talk very often. I just really do not see the point in talking everyday, not much has changed and there's nothing that really needs to be said. I'm also crap at serious advice, so I don't really get a lot of messages asking to talk something out. I like my friends where they are, at a nice arms distance, and they know and are okay with that. If we really need one another, we say, "Hey I really need you right now."
Everyone has their own way of dealing with things, what you see as life-or-death advice may just be a Tuesday to them. There are plenty of people who are not talkers, who like the space.
But still... that passive agressive Facebook stuff doesn't fly. If it were me I'd tell her to put a stop to that or she would never have to worry about being at my beck and call again, because it would be over. But that's just me. Just do what you have to do to be happy and junk.
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Mr arrow u got it all wrong. Ignore the code for we need to talk. I didn't make that clear enough. She gets annoyed by me maybe but I get annoyed by her even more when she complains about the samething over and over and doesn't do a damn thing to change it. Sheblives st home so mommy and daddy help her, giving her everything she needs. I know of all her problems. Depression boredom etc. I'm always there for her and listen to her problems even when I'm feeling my lowest. When I'm struggling to pay my bills that she doesn't have to worry about. I'm there my bfff rain or shine.
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If she has depression then she most likely can't handle anyone's 'stuff' including yours. She is, most likely, drowning under her own 'stuff' and more stuff from anyone may actually be what takes her from being merely depressed to suicidal.
Every winter I get depressed and I get to the point where I ignore those individuals who call constantly to rag on and on and on about their 'problems'. Its not that I stopped loving them, its because I am having a huge problem dealing with my own problem (depression) and am unable (not unwilling - unable) to deal with more on my plate.
I understand depression keenly, I know exactly how it dulls the senses and takes one's ability from one to 'deal with' and be supportive of others. Depression is a serious condition - granted its not like she is bleeding all over the place, or is coughing up lung tissue - but it is as serious and as potentially deadly as excessive bleeding, or coughing up one's lungs.
As for having it all comfy with mommy and daddy - You are most likely way off this mark - perhaps in a different county.
Our society is designed to base who we are on what we do. One of the first questions you ask a person you meet is 'what do you do?' - Its a query about their job. When they answer with what they do as employment they are immediately defined in your mind as X,Y, and Z.
IF they say 'Unemployed' the end definition is 'lazy, useless, slacker, and lots of other negative things.
And you have already identified her and defined her with your comments about her based on her no-job status.
You have forgotten that the economy is still in a slump - plenty of people are unemployed at this time, living with their folks. You forget that at any moment the economy can take another serious downturn with more millions laid off and on 99 weeks of Unemployment - which was brought into being to deal with the millions who ended up jobless in a economy where no jobs existed.
I doubt you know all her problems - and even those you know you do not fully understand or appreciate them fully. If you did then you wouldn't be ranting about her here and painting her in such an ugly light.
Instead you would be posting a question or two about how does depression affect people to gain more insight into what she is going through. If you cared you wouldn't slam her unemployed status and living with her folks, instead you would see it as the real horror that it is. No one likes to live under mommy and daddy's roof once they are an adult.
Sure many do and pass it off as a great lifestyle, but inside - they don't like it, they hate it - and they know they look less than everyone else who has their act together.
And I am not going to ignore this 'code'. If you two are friends you don't need codes to really talk, you can be open and honest and say 'Hey, I need to talk and have someone listen.'
The lack of openness here in this 'minor' aspect of your relationship with her tells me a lot about the nature of you, and your relationship and your ability to maintain a relationship with others - be in 'just friends' or more involved love interests.
Have you even considered taking a pizza and some movies to her as I suggested?
Apparent 'boredom' can be a sign of depression. If she is lacking interest and just sitting around this can be a huge symptom of depression. Depressed people lose interest in things such as work, and play, and watching TV and even living.
I think you are reading her all wrong. And may actually be hurting her a little bit more, thus her 'lashing out' at you on Facebook was her 'screaming' that you hurt her.
Being a Best Friend does not mean its always equal sharing - a lot of times one may have to give until it hurts and continue to keep giving until the other is able (not the same thing as willing) to give in return.
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After reading quiet a few of your posts, you are beginning to worry me.
You analyse people too much and come across as a narcassist, always concerned with how people are impacting you, and why people aren't thinking of you, and why people aren't behaving the way you think they should...way too many 'you' s in that sentence.
See where I am coming from?
Too much time on your hands mate, need to find a hobby that distracts you from yourself for a while.
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Everybody needs space, and based onw you wrote about your friend, it seems she needs time to pull her own life together right now.
I was depressed before and during those years, I would never return any calls because I simply could not talk to anyone, let alone listen to their problems.
Leave her alone for a while and I am sure she will eventually be ready to be there for you again.
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Maybe you are investing too much into one person or expected too much back. Start spreading your friendship around.
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Aries
and always there for em the same mister x im dying of bordeom anyhow lol
