No friends

[Anonymous]

Is there a LGBT group on your campus?

I joined it, last year. I tried talking to people but never made any friends. People formed groups very quickly. I kept going to the meetings (they often went for drinks afterwards so I'd invite myself along and embarrass myself).

There was this man that I started talking to on another forum when I was 17. I never expected to 'bond' with a stranger on the internet and it wasn't intentional but it happened, really quickly. I had been on that forum for a few years, at that stage. One day, we started PMing each other and it was a bit intense. A few days later, he disappeared and we didn't speak for a few months. I felt really weird, that summer. I felt really blank. I last spoke to him a few months ago. He's in his forties. I quickly became attached to him and it was probably the first time that I really loved talking to someone. It was a bit too much to handle, though. He'd disappear for a while and then come back, again (he has some difficulties - and, yes, I know he is who he says he is). I knew from the start that he was an alcoholic. After a while, I realised that he would only go online when he was back on the drink. When he was sober, he didn't like talking to people online because it brought back memories of drinking. I always loved talking to him but it was a bit shit, realising that he only spoke to me whenever he was suffering. I think I decided shortly afterwards that I wasn't really taking advantage of him. Talking to me gave him something to do. Otherwise, he'd have been doing fuck all, I suppose. He seemed to be interested in me (I knew I was actually boring so I felt like a bit of a fraud) and I was really interested in him. At the time, I wasn't calling myself gay so I tried not to think of my feelings as romantic. Also, I was always brought back down to Earth by the idea that internet friendships weren't real. What I'm trying to say is that I had no choice in becoming infatuated with him. He started saying he loved me. I didn't interpret it in a romantic way and I didn't take it too seriously but I really wanted to tell him that I loved him, too. I think I eventually did start telling him. I thought it couldn't be true but, whatever it was that I felt, it was the most intense thing I'd ever experienced. I'm not sure if my feelings were romantic or not. I liked to think of our 'friendship' as something really abstract, something that existed regardless of body parts or the physical universe (that sounds really pretentious and it may not make sense but I mean it). I wanted to hug him and I thought he was really good looking but I didn't have much interest in his body. I think I liked to see him as a 'fatherly' figure (that sounds bad because I already have a father).

[drobs]

You might try a craigslist m4m add:

"Younger shy quiet type (age ___) seeks older, in shape male, for companionship.
Your pic gets mine."

You'll probably have 1000 hits the 1st time you post it.

I've posted this before but, when I was in my 20's I dated an older wealthy man. Was offered a place to stay and use of a BMW convertible. Didn't feel like being "kept boy" at the time...