How do I set my boyfriend straight and make him to listen to me?

[BenSmith]

During oral sex my boyfriend pushes my head down and holds it there, he also pulls my hair really hard, so on monday I asked my boyfriend to tone the roughness down during oral sex and he was totally cool with it and didn’t even touch my head when I did it. (I think I may have slightly offended him though)

He has been gentle with me ever since ...but when we had sex yesterday night he was the opposite of gentle and on the border of violent, he gripped me really hard (like my hips, arms, hair), he also pushed my face into the bed so it was hard to breathe, he didn’t prepare me properly (quite dry) and scratched my back:

I was so pi.ssed off afterwards, I told him to go f.ck himself and leave me alone and in return he shoved me to the floor and then kicked me in the stomach before leaving. I am so angry at him right now, he had no right to kick me when he was the one that was acting like a d.ck. I don’t know what ticked him off, because he’s not abusive or anything.

Anyway what can I say to him to set him straight and make sure he knows how he acted was out of order (when we usually fight we just forget about it the next day, but they are never physical) because he has been texting me all day asking why I’m angry because ‘it was just a stupid fight’ when its not...

[monk]

I see bright red danger signs flashing.

Think very, very carefully about whether you want this relationship to continue.

Nobody has the right to kick you around.

[LateBloomer]

AGREE with Monk.

I wouldn't tolerate any physical violence, but it's one thing if he flew into a rage and admitted he was wrong. But to fly into a rage and not think there's anything wrong with it ("stupid fight") is totally unacceptable.

Find a guy who will treat you with respect and affection. You're NOT a punching bag.

[dfiant]

So do I Monk.

You are in what appears to be an abusive relationship and what you have experienced is more of what is to come. You have been violated, I hesitate to say you have been raped, but your description of events doesn't just sound like rape, it SCREAMS rape.

Get the fuck out of that relationship now. He has violated you and have no doubts about it, it WILL happen again. Go to the police as well.

[dfiant]

Anyway what can I say to him to set him straight and make sure he knows how he acted was out of order

Goodbye...

[dfiant]

I was so pi.ssed off afterwards, I told him to go f.ck himself and leave me alone and in return he shoved me to the floor and then kicked me in the stomach before leaving. I am so angry at him right now, he had no right to kick me when he was the one that was acting like a d.ck. I don’t know what ticked him off, because he’s not abusive or anything.

Serious question for you mate...Exactly HOW do you define 'abuse' or being 'abusive'?

[Dj1990]

Sorry but your boyfriend is abusive and an asshole. Some people do enjoy that...but if you don't it's up to you not to tolerate that. I've hooked up with guys who were like that and I never met up with them again even though they were interested....when somebody treats me that way they lose all appeal to me.

[Jay125]

I was in an abusive relationship for a number of years, I would often wake up with him beating me to a pulp.

I eventually managed to leave him but he still came after me, I eventually had to call the police out to have him arrested.

No one has the right to hit anyone, no matter what the underlying reason is, You have to think very carefully where you are going with this. It is quite clear you are not comfortable otherwise you wouldn't go onto a public forum asking for advice.

I hope you get it sorted.

[pellaz]

sorry for your bad situation and ultimate emotional loss of a relationship
You need to look at why you tolerate this and fix it inside your self. For sure leave your boy friend, start looking for a new apartment now.

[Sylph]

You can't change a person's nature, so this "setting him straight" business won't work.

It sounds Sadistic in a way, cause it seems like he loves being rough and likes to hurt you, even if he himself doesn't see it[which is unlikely].

To be blunt... don't be so passive about it, by you not taking an immediate and strong stand against him and what he did to you, you basically said;

"It's okay boo, kick me again after you're finished brutally fucking me"

and he'll keep on doing it until you make a stand up to him. It's the same with bullies, if you don't defend yourself, then they know they can keep picking on you.

Use your voice and if need be, your hands, to get the point across that you don't like what he's doing[doesn't have to be violent, but a barrier between him and you].

My Grandmother[my wisdom fountain] always told me, "What's good for the goose, is good for the gander" , meaning it goes both ways. You don't have to physically hurt him, but you should make him feel some of what you feel.

Go out late with a friend and not tell him or just leave him altogether without saying anything and let him see the error of his ways.

But ofcourse, keep yourself safe all the while, don't let him have the power over you.