Masc Vs. Fem

[Sylph]

I pretty much agreed with what you said, I just wanted to be pedantic and point something out for anyone who didn't know: "dyke" has become a general term for lesbian, including the femmes. I understand that the boomer gens consider it either offensive (sometimes) and/or masculine, but that's generally not common by those in their 30s and younger (at least not in the USA). Heck, The L Word uses "dyke" as I understand it so I guess that pretty much makes it official. :tongue:

When I first interacted with the lesbian community (I was 19) I was called a "baby dyke" by some which meant new to the scene (or is that "fresh meat"? ), and in reference to my tomboyish ways I was described as a "boi" (tends to be masculine, but would never be mistaken for a stud or a butch). Then I lived with a stud and for her I went femme and liked it. But I like myself best right now where I transcend male & female definitions, being whatever I want to be when I want to be it (as I think most lesbians do). And I respect the gender identities and affinities (and nonchalance) of those who respect mine, it's all good (ETA: and I find all kinds attractive), IMO.

Thank you professor Pix

I don't really know too much about the inner-workings of lesbian society/life, even though alot of my female friends are lesbians.

Dyke isn't really an offense word over here, unless used offensively ofcourse, because even some people are named Dyke or have Dyke in their names! mile:.

You're like our Lesbian fairy-godmother. I really like the fact you explain things, especially in regards to being a lesbian/lesbian life/issues. My friends[who are lesbians] haven't gone through too much[outside of family issues], because down here, it's okay to be a lesbian. Can't say the same for gays, but Lesbians are A-ok. mile:

Also, one of my friends refers to herself as; "The Man", so I suppose that makes her a Stud? mile: . She likes to wear guys clothes and talks really gruffly, but is generally very sweet.[Except for the time she bent me over! :mad: lol]

[Pix]

Thanks for letting me know. mile: I like getting other perspectives and picking up pieces of information like pieces of a puzzle everywhere I can in trying to understand the world (though at this point in my life I think solving a Rubik's Cube is cakewalk compared to that! :tongue: ) so I try to return the favor. Still, I know not everyone appreciates it, especially when I go on a long time and I sometimes wonder if I should, but as long as even one person appreciates it then I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. And I'm inclined to read other people's long explanations as well with sincere interest. mile:

Also, one of my friends refers to herself as; "The Man", so I suppose that makes her a Stud? mile: . She likes to wear guys clothes and talks really gruffly, but is generally very sweet.[Except for the time she bent me over! :mad: lol]

I've heard different definitions for stud. Very short & sweet a stud seems to be seen as a little less masculine than a butch and most assume a stud is at least partially black (my stud girlfriend was blasian, or black + asian), but this isn't necessarily so (just like a butch isn't necessarily white though most people think of a white woman when thinking of a butch).

My stud had long hair when I met her though it made her look a little like a samurai (that is, masculine) but she cut it later (even so, it was always at least shoulder length, which is to say it was always longer than mine when we first met, though I did grow my hair long in the years she & I were together so that eventually my hair was longer than hers). She tended to dress like a guy with sunglasses, caps worn backwards, bandanas (though I'd wear those to sometimes, but she wore hers in a do-rag style that made me think of male bikers & athletes and in more masculine styles and colors than mine), wide leg jeans (though I did wear skate and cargo pants myself sometimes, but I tried to stay fashionable and got feminine cuts), and she even wore camo a few times. She also liked muscle shirts which showed off her muscles (she wasn't just toned, she was a body builder) & tribal tats.

She had a masculine personality as well (I sometimes jokingly called her "sir" which sometimes amused her and other times annoyed her), being alpha, having to win at sports (she never understood why I didn't compete because to her there was no point to a sport unless you could test yourself against someone else), and the like. I don't know how much of this was inherent in her nature and how much came from her upbringing as to make a long story short her Asian mom (of mixed heritage) married a Korean and the Korean family only barely tolerated her mother and abused her (broke her arm once, too) and she was mocked as a "mutt" by a few and endured prejudice & cruelty by every race at one time or another. So she toughened up, learned and excelled at martial arts (especially Taekwondo) and found acceptance in school through sports (and fighting when she felt she had to) and realizing she didn't like guys when living in a strict Catholic family (who didn't like her for having been sired by a black man and not biologically related to them at all, other than her mother of course which also got a hard time herself for not being full Korean) in South Los Angeles only reinforced this trend.

We first hooked up when she took me to Texas (we'd known each other for a couple of years by then) as my ride canceled on me at the last minute. My family found her exotic (and knowing she would be returning to California soon made it easy to overlook certain traits that stood out) but there was one incident I'll never forget. They took me to my favorite restaurant (as it served the best crawdads I've ever had) and Zack (my cousin whom I'm very close to) took to teasing her like he'd done me, and she kept up with him. One time Zack told her that you didn't eat all the crawdad until you sucked the brain out which was shown by its eyes disappearing. He laughed when she grimaced in disgust and that laugh steeled her and she did it herself which Zack loved and he instinctively treated her like one of the guys. At one point I noticed everyone (including Delsey, my stud) were glaring at a table of other rednecks glaring at us when Zack yelled "WHAT!?" in a confrontational way (I have no idea what their problem was, if they recognized me and her as lesbians or they didn't like a blasian sitting with us blond Swedes, or just didn't like her tats and urban style) and they slowly turned away and everything went back to normal. But I remember the look on her face, if there was a fight SHE WAS READY TO STAND WITH ZACK (and the other guys who would've helped Zack). That surprised me (I'll fight if I have to but as a general rule I just get out of the way when guys fight), but I had to admit I was so curious at that moment how a stud of her background would do in a redneck brawl...and just how humiliated those rednecks would be if any of them got their butts kicked by a woman.

Anyway, I hope that gives an idea what she was like. ETA: here are some lyrics (from Love Me or Hate Me by Lady Sovereign) that make me think of her (save for the being English part):

I don't like drinking fancy champy,
I'll stick wit Heineken beers.
Whoops, might burp in ya face,
A little unlady-like,
What can I say?
Well oh gosh I'm not posh, me, I wear odd socks.
I do what I'm doing, yeah!
So everybody's entitled to opinions,
I open my mouth and shit I got millions.
I'm the middle kid, the riddle kid,
I'll make you giggle till your sick
Cause my nose jiggles while I spit.
Yeah I do have some stories
And its true I want all the glory.
Go on then, come on support me,
I'm English, try and deport me!

Love me or hate me, it's still an obsession.
Love me or hate me, that is the question.
If you love me then thank you!
If you hate me then fuck you!

I looked up another stud on YT and found this:




I'd say my stud was something like this one (neither soft nor hard as defined here, but "in between"), though she was versatile sexually (nothing stone about her, she LOVED to be touched and we took turns topping each other sexually, though she was more masculine in how she went about it than I was, IMO).

I recall I once came across a vid of a stud ranting about pillow princesses (made me laugh though she was angry) which comes in part because some women like the studs, butches, and even bois because they believe they can be topped and don't have to reciprocate because of the reputation of the masculine lesbians not wanting to be touched as a female (I'd say this is only true of a minority of them, though I was easygoing with the pillow princesses & queens I encountered in my boi days). IIRC there was a lot of profanity on it as she ranted so I'm not going to try to find it again.

I hope that helps you understand more about studs.

Hmph, I found this short vid explaining the differences between stud, butch, and femme. I don't really agree with most of her definition for a stud (what she describes as a stud I'd call a "soft butch"), but in the spirit of fairness I'll include it (and I did say I'd heard different definitions, but this one was more different than I ever heard before):

[Matty71]

Well, I guess everyone is different, obviously.

Myself, I am not the most masculine man in the world but I would not call myself feminine, exactly. (But I admit, I have "feminine" qualities)

Who would I be attracted to? It would not be based on this solely but upon their personality and other traits.

[Counselor]

One of the three coworkers that know I'm gay told me today that I don't appear gay, but I do appear eccentric, I wear graphic tees with superhero logos and band names and Day-glo orange sneakers. I'm okay with being unlabelable.