06-07-2012, 10:23 AM
Hey, guys, did yiu ever try to commit suicide" I did in late 1973. Turned out I was a major failure. I couldn't even get my own death right. My car died when it crashed at 95mph but I didn't.. I walked away with some scratches and a badly beaten ego. I couldn't get my own suicide right. I was not only incompetent but a goddamn asshole.
A year later a good friend called and asked me why he hadn't seen me in a while. " I have a real good job for you," said Tom. "Come down tomy house and let's talk." "What kind of job Tom" said I. "Let's pretend it is a job and do anything you want. No one in my company works for a living. why do you want to work John," I was confused. Tom used to be my lover and best friend.. I wanted him to be sad for me. But I was curious about the offer and I knew Tom was the strangest person I had ever met. He was completely straight and I had hoped my disappearance would give him the chance to meet and marry a girl. The strongest reason for my suicide was that Tom would never publicly acknowledge our love affair.
I knew I was still in love with him. But I didn;t want to be hurt again. I took the challenge and went to his house. "Hi John" he said and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I explained about my suicide to Tom and he fell off his chair laughing. I thought I should kill him but I decided to listen instead. "You are the dumbest motherfucking suicide artist I ever saw. You didn't have the balls to get your suicide right. You look fucking healthy to me, asshole. John, suicide is a sin and I will assign you penance in public for that sin." "Who the fuck made you God?"
"Me Me Me." he squealed and giggled. "Get up, John, I want to kill you for the first time right now," He pointed his finger at me and oulled the trigger.. "Fall down John. you are completely dead, says Me your God named Tom." "You are the most insane God I ever saw," said me." "You are the most alive dead guy I ever saw," said Tom. "Let's go John, I want you to see your new office."
We took a cab to a brownstone next to the Museum of Modern Art on 53rd St. in Manhattan near Fifth Ave. Tom wanted to see a new art show at the museum. We walked in and started to walk around separately. Suddenly Tom approached and shot me dead in front of everybody at the museum. I fell down dead and Tom blew smoke away from his finger. A woman who watching came over and anxiously asked if I was hurt. Tom perfectly mimicked Det. Joe Friday of Dragnet. "Maam, I am required by the new law of New York to rid this town of really bad art critics. Maam, did you see how ugly the picture this critic was looking at. That is the worst piece of crap in this museum. This city can no longer afford to have bad critics pretending they work in New York. Eventually this scum will go to a small town and corrupt the tastes of Americans every where." She started to laugh and I was trying to hide the fact that I was laughing.
"Maam, please clear the way. I must sent this dead critic to the morgue.. Ed Koch allows entertainment people to put up a thousand dollars for the right to vote for the murder of bad critics. This man got 535 votes, maam. The city needs the half million they got for killing this chump. This man is Irish and I have sent for the paddy wagon. He will be cut up into small pieces and fed to birds all over this city. He is a real bird brain, Maam."
I got up quickly and she was startled. "Lady, this is the second time he killed me today. He is the real bad guy in this beautiful museum. I was looking at crap just to smoke him out so everyone could see what a rat Joe Friday was."
"Dragnet is a bad show, " Tom screamed. "Take that you dirty rat," Tom said in the voice of James Cagney." We left to laughter and small applause. Tom said he liked doing street theatre
We saw Parker Stevenson, the lead actor on the Hardy Boys Show. We let him pass between us and shot him 20 times in a blistering crossfire. Parker seemed confused and ran away.
We entered the brownstone and Tom acted normal. He spoke to the receptionist and looked at his mail. We climbed the stairs to the second floor and put a finger to his mouth. He peaked inside and said in a new voice, "Dick is not here right now. That's good. I want to show you some things I found." Tom quickly pulled 6 flasks of gin from Dick's hiding places. He carefully pured about 3 ounces of gin down Dick's sink. "John, I pour 3 quarts of gin down the sink every week. Dick charges gin to petty cash. Next Monday petty cash will be terminated by the Board if Directors. I haven't told Dick yet. I want the bastard to pay for his own gin, not our stockholders. He is coming John. Synchronize your eye blinking with Dick's blinking. I want to drive that fucker to hell."
Dick opened the door and spoke in the same voice Tom was speaking. That strange new voice had been Dick's voice. Dick sat down and introduced himself to me. It was hard to speak in a normal voice to a guy whose blinking I was imitating. I thought I would explode from laughter. Finally Tom said we should leave and let Dick get some work done. I got outside the second floor door and laughed. Tom said "Shush, John, laugh in my office on the 3rd floor."
We got there and I asked "How fucking crazy are you?" Tom said, "Pretty crazy, John, I like to jump up and down on my new chair and stare at the ceiling for hours.. All big executives have big chairs and look at the ceiling deep in thought." Tom giggled.
Tom said, "Let's go back to my house. You won't believe how much I missed you. It was the worst year of my life not seeing you. We can take a cab. I have an unlimited expense account. C'mon John, let's go and get something done right for a change.
During the short cab ride I debated whether I should get reinvolved with a straight guy. The thought of being dumped for a girl drove me crazy. At his apartment,, Tom walked into his bedroom to change so he said. A few minutes later he reemerged with his beautiful cock sticking straight out from his body. He walked in front of me and gently grabbed the sides of my head. He started a real slow mouth fuck on me and my complete addiction to Tom came back. I was mesmerized by the sensations between my lips and was desperately waiting for a load of his cum. He had the most delicious semen I ever tasted. All thick, white and gooey. I swallowed as much as I could and let Tom see some of it run out of the corners of my mouth. Tom licked up everything he could see and then laid down on his new couch. The couch was gorgeous and soft. I proceeded to start to fuck Tom like a good marine should fuck his best buddy. As usual Tom said, "Stop John.. Let's play checkers. I haven't played checkers in over a year. Checkers is our game for today."
I said, "OK Tom, but I will beat you at checkers. I always did Tom. Checkers is my best game." Tom said, "By the way John I know how to beat you at checkers." "How Tom?"
"You fuck me in the ass and I will distract you by fucking you back. John, you suck at playing checkers when you are close to orgasm."
Damn, Tom was right . He beat me at checkers but I performed a great show of anal intercourse yelling. "King me, Tom. King me. I am so close Tom, you better King me"
I came and it was every bit as good as the first time I fucked and laughed with Tom. Laughter is the best medicine. It invariably restores hope.
About 5 years a good friend called me. She sounded very sorry for herself. She said she was thinking life was too awful and she couldn't go on. She reminded me of me before I tried suicide. I immediately asked her who will answer the phone when she was dead. She was shocked at my crude answer. Seriously how can a big pile of maggots pick uo the phone. She sounded annoyed but somewhat curious. Jeepers, I bet all the idiots who sit and gossip about you around the pool will be pleased. Actually, it is a good idea for you to commit suicide, it will give the bastards who despise you something to cheer about. Let me come over real quick and I will beat you to death with a hammer. Wow, that's it. I can commit my first murder on a girl who is already committed to dying. It'll be fun. I want to come over right now and beat you to death. Pretty please. Pretty please. I've been bored all morning. Killing you might really cheer me up, huh, huh.. When she finally stopped laughing I asked her if she would like a pizza instead. Yeah, John, pizza sounds better than being murdered by you. You'd probably fuck it up and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.
Hey, woman, you want sausage or arsenic on that pizza? Sausage John.
That was about 5 years ago. About a year ago, she said she loved talking to me. You are the strangest guy I ever met.
Hey, Tom, I know how to imitate you dealing with suicide victims.
Always take the word suicide seriously. People never use that word when it is not on their mind. I thank God often for being a suicide victim who failed.:biggrin:
A year later a good friend called and asked me why he hadn't seen me in a while. " I have a real good job for you," said Tom. "Come down tomy house and let's talk." "What kind of job Tom" said I. "Let's pretend it is a job and do anything you want. No one in my company works for a living. why do you want to work John," I was confused. Tom used to be my lover and best friend.. I wanted him to be sad for me. But I was curious about the offer and I knew Tom was the strangest person I had ever met. He was completely straight and I had hoped my disappearance would give him the chance to meet and marry a girl. The strongest reason for my suicide was that Tom would never publicly acknowledge our love affair.
I knew I was still in love with him. But I didn;t want to be hurt again. I took the challenge and went to his house. "Hi John" he said and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I explained about my suicide to Tom and he fell off his chair laughing. I thought I should kill him but I decided to listen instead. "You are the dumbest motherfucking suicide artist I ever saw. You didn't have the balls to get your suicide right. You look fucking healthy to me, asshole. John, suicide is a sin and I will assign you penance in public for that sin." "Who the fuck made you God?"
"Me Me Me." he squealed and giggled. "Get up, John, I want to kill you for the first time right now," He pointed his finger at me and oulled the trigger.. "Fall down John. you are completely dead, says Me your God named Tom." "You are the most insane God I ever saw," said me." "You are the most alive dead guy I ever saw," said Tom. "Let's go John, I want you to see your new office."
We took a cab to a brownstone next to the Museum of Modern Art on 53rd St. in Manhattan near Fifth Ave. Tom wanted to see a new art show at the museum. We walked in and started to walk around separately. Suddenly Tom approached and shot me dead in front of everybody at the museum. I fell down dead and Tom blew smoke away from his finger. A woman who watching came over and anxiously asked if I was hurt. Tom perfectly mimicked Det. Joe Friday of Dragnet. "Maam, I am required by the new law of New York to rid this town of really bad art critics. Maam, did you see how ugly the picture this critic was looking at. That is the worst piece of crap in this museum. This city can no longer afford to have bad critics pretending they work in New York. Eventually this scum will go to a small town and corrupt the tastes of Americans every where." She started to laugh and I was trying to hide the fact that I was laughing.
"Maam, please clear the way. I must sent this dead critic to the morgue.. Ed Koch allows entertainment people to put up a thousand dollars for the right to vote for the murder of bad critics. This man got 535 votes, maam. The city needs the half million they got for killing this chump. This man is Irish and I have sent for the paddy wagon. He will be cut up into small pieces and fed to birds all over this city. He is a real bird brain, Maam."
I got up quickly and she was startled. "Lady, this is the second time he killed me today. He is the real bad guy in this beautiful museum. I was looking at crap just to smoke him out so everyone could see what a rat Joe Friday was."
"Dragnet is a bad show, " Tom screamed. "Take that you dirty rat," Tom said in the voice of James Cagney." We left to laughter and small applause. Tom said he liked doing street theatre
We saw Parker Stevenson, the lead actor on the Hardy Boys Show. We let him pass between us and shot him 20 times in a blistering crossfire. Parker seemed confused and ran away.
We entered the brownstone and Tom acted normal. He spoke to the receptionist and looked at his mail. We climbed the stairs to the second floor and put a finger to his mouth. He peaked inside and said in a new voice, "Dick is not here right now. That's good. I want to show you some things I found." Tom quickly pulled 6 flasks of gin from Dick's hiding places. He carefully pured about 3 ounces of gin down Dick's sink. "John, I pour 3 quarts of gin down the sink every week. Dick charges gin to petty cash. Next Monday petty cash will be terminated by the Board if Directors. I haven't told Dick yet. I want the bastard to pay for his own gin, not our stockholders. He is coming John. Synchronize your eye blinking with Dick's blinking. I want to drive that fucker to hell."
Dick opened the door and spoke in the same voice Tom was speaking. That strange new voice had been Dick's voice. Dick sat down and introduced himself to me. It was hard to speak in a normal voice to a guy whose blinking I was imitating. I thought I would explode from laughter. Finally Tom said we should leave and let Dick get some work done. I got outside the second floor door and laughed. Tom said "Shush, John, laugh in my office on the 3rd floor."
We got there and I asked "How fucking crazy are you?" Tom said, "Pretty crazy, John, I like to jump up and down on my new chair and stare at the ceiling for hours.. All big executives have big chairs and look at the ceiling deep in thought." Tom giggled.
Tom said, "Let's go back to my house. You won't believe how much I missed you. It was the worst year of my life not seeing you. We can take a cab. I have an unlimited expense account. C'mon John, let's go and get something done right for a change.
During the short cab ride I debated whether I should get reinvolved with a straight guy. The thought of being dumped for a girl drove me crazy. At his apartment,, Tom walked into his bedroom to change so he said. A few minutes later he reemerged with his beautiful cock sticking straight out from his body. He walked in front of me and gently grabbed the sides of my head. He started a real slow mouth fuck on me and my complete addiction to Tom came back. I was mesmerized by the sensations between my lips and was desperately waiting for a load of his cum. He had the most delicious semen I ever tasted. All thick, white and gooey. I swallowed as much as I could and let Tom see some of it run out of the corners of my mouth. Tom licked up everything he could see and then laid down on his new couch. The couch was gorgeous and soft. I proceeded to start to fuck Tom like a good marine should fuck his best buddy. As usual Tom said, "Stop John.. Let's play checkers. I haven't played checkers in over a year. Checkers is our game for today."
I said, "OK Tom, but I will beat you at checkers. I always did Tom. Checkers is my best game." Tom said, "By the way John I know how to beat you at checkers." "How Tom?"
"You fuck me in the ass and I will distract you by fucking you back. John, you suck at playing checkers when you are close to orgasm."
Damn, Tom was right . He beat me at checkers but I performed a great show of anal intercourse yelling. "King me, Tom. King me. I am so close Tom, you better King me"
I came and it was every bit as good as the first time I fucked and laughed with Tom. Laughter is the best medicine. It invariably restores hope.
About 5 years a good friend called me. She sounded very sorry for herself. She said she was thinking life was too awful and she couldn't go on. She reminded me of me before I tried suicide. I immediately asked her who will answer the phone when she was dead. She was shocked at my crude answer. Seriously how can a big pile of maggots pick uo the phone. She sounded annoyed but somewhat curious. Jeepers, I bet all the idiots who sit and gossip about you around the pool will be pleased. Actually, it is a good idea for you to commit suicide, it will give the bastards who despise you something to cheer about. Let me come over real quick and I will beat you to death with a hammer. Wow, that's it. I can commit my first murder on a girl who is already committed to dying. It'll be fun. I want to come over right now and beat you to death. Pretty please. Pretty please. I've been bored all morning. Killing you might really cheer me up, huh, huh.. When she finally stopped laughing I asked her if she would like a pizza instead. Yeah, John, pizza sounds better than being murdered by you. You'd probably fuck it up and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.
Hey, woman, you want sausage or arsenic on that pizza? Sausage John.
That was about 5 years ago. About a year ago, she said she loved talking to me. You are the strangest guy I ever met.
Hey, Tom, I know how to imitate you dealing with suicide victims.
Always take the word suicide seriously. People never use that word when it is not on their mind. I thank God often for being a suicide victim who failed.:biggrin:
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
mile:rvelous. I really feel Horny, God. I am sure glad you are a man.
Pisces
![[Image: tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif]](https://38.media.tumblr.com/d4f163772df4bb95fe71717adc7d7ca5/tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif)
