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Did you ever commit suicide?
#1
Hey, guys, did yiu ever try to commit suicide" I did in late 1973. Turned out I was a major failure. I couldn't even get my own death right. My car died when it crashed at 95mph but I didn't.. I walked away with some scratches and a badly beaten ego. I couldn't get my own suicide right. I was not only incompetent but a goddamn asshole.

A year later a good friend called and asked me why he hadn't seen me in a while. " I have a real good job for you," said Tom. "Come down tomy house and let's talk." "What kind of job Tom" said I. "Let's pretend it is a job and do anything you want. No one in my company works for a living. why do you want to work John," I was confused. Tom used to be my lover and best friend.. I wanted him to be sad for me. But I was curious about the offer and I knew Tom was the strangest person I had ever met. He was completely straight and I had hoped my disappearance would give him the chance to meet and marry a girl. The strongest reason for my suicide was that Tom would never publicly acknowledge our love affair.

I knew I was still in love with him. But I didn;t want to be hurt again. I took the challenge and went to his house. "Hi John" he said and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. I explained about my suicide to Tom and he fell off his chair laughing. I thought I should kill him but I decided to listen instead. "You are the dumbest motherfucking suicide artist I ever saw. You didn't have the balls to get your suicide right. You look fucking healthy to me, asshole. John, suicide is a sin and I will assign you penance in public for that sin." "Who the fuck made you God?"

"Me Me Me." he squealed and giggled. "Get up, John, I want to kill you for the first time right now," He pointed his finger at me and oulled the trigger.. "Fall down John. you are completely dead, says Me your God named Tom." "You are the most insane God I ever saw," said me." "You are the most alive dead guy I ever saw," said Tom. "Let's go John, I want you to see your new office."

We took a cab to a brownstone next to the Museum of Modern Art on 53rd St. in Manhattan near Fifth Ave. Tom wanted to see a new art show at the museum. We walked in and started to walk around separately. Suddenly Tom approached and shot me dead in front of everybody at the museum. I fell down dead and Tom blew smoke away from his finger. A woman who watching came over and anxiously asked if I was hurt. Tom perfectly mimicked Det. Joe Friday of Dragnet. "Maam, I am required by the new law of New York to rid this town of really bad art critics. Maam, did you see how ugly the picture this critic was looking at. That is the worst piece of crap in this museum. This city can no longer afford to have bad critics pretending they work in New York. Eventually this scum will go to a small town and corrupt the tastes of Americans every where." She started to laugh and I was trying to hide the fact that I was laughing.

"Maam, please clear the way. I must sent this dead critic to the morgue.. Ed Koch allows entertainment people to put up a thousand dollars for the right to vote for the murder of bad critics. This man got 535 votes, maam. The city needs the half million they got for killing this chump. This man is Irish and I have sent for the paddy wagon. He will be cut up into small pieces and fed to birds all over this city. He is a real bird brain, Maam."

I got up quickly and she was startled. "Lady, this is the second time he killed me today. He is the real bad guy in this beautiful museum. I was looking at crap just to smoke him out so everyone could see what a rat Joe Friday was."

"Dragnet is a bad show, " Tom screamed. "Take that you dirty rat," Tom said in the voice of James Cagney." We left to laughter and small applause. Tom said he liked doing street theatre

We saw Parker Stevenson, the lead actor on the Hardy Boys Show. We let him pass between us and shot him 20 times in a blistering crossfire. Parker seemed confused and ran away.

We entered the brownstone and Tom acted normal. He spoke to the receptionist and looked at his mail. We climbed the stairs to the second floor and put a finger to his mouth. He peaked inside and said in a new voice, "Dick is not here right now. That's good. I want to show you some things I found." Tom quickly pulled 6 flasks of gin from Dick's hiding places. He carefully pured about 3 ounces of gin down Dick's sink. "John, I pour 3 quarts of gin down the sink every week. Dick charges gin to petty cash. Next Monday petty cash will be terminated by the Board if Directors. I haven't told Dick yet. I want the bastard to pay for his own gin, not our stockholders. He is coming John. Synchronize your eye blinking with Dick's blinking. I want to drive that fucker to hell."

Dick opened the door and spoke in the same voice Tom was speaking. That strange new voice had been Dick's voice. Dick sat down and introduced himself to me. It was hard to speak in a normal voice to a guy whose blinking I was imitating. I thought I would explode from laughter. Finally Tom said we should leave and let Dick get some work done. I got outside the second floor door and laughed. Tom said "Shush, John, laugh in my office on the 3rd floor."

We got there and I asked "How fucking crazy are you?" Tom said, "Pretty crazy, John, I like to jump up and down on my new chair and stare at the ceiling for hours.. All big executives have big chairs and look at the ceiling deep in thought." Tom giggled.

Tom said, "Let's go back to my house. You won't believe how much I missed you. It was the worst year of my life not seeing you. We can take a cab. I have an unlimited expense account. C'mon John, let's go and get something done right for a change.

During the short cab ride I debated whether I should get reinvolved with a straight guy. The thought of being dumped for a girl drove me crazy. At his apartment,, Tom walked into his bedroom to change so he said. A few minutes later he reemerged with his beautiful cock sticking straight out from his body. He walked in front of me and gently grabbed the sides of my head. He started a real slow mouth fuck on me and my complete addiction to Tom came back. I was mesmerized by the sensations between my lips and was desperately waiting for a load of his cum. He had the most delicious semen I ever tasted. All thick, white and gooey. I swallowed as much as I could and let Tom see some of it run out of the corners of my mouth. Tom licked up everything he could see and then laid down on his new couch. The couch was gorgeous and soft. I proceeded to start to fuck Tom like a good marine should fuck his best buddy. As usual Tom said, "Stop John.. Let's play checkers. I haven't played checkers in over a year. Checkers is our game for today."

I said, "OK Tom, but I will beat you at checkers. I always did Tom. Checkers is my best game." Tom said, "By the way John I know how to beat you at checkers." "How Tom?"
"You fuck me in the ass and I will distract you by fucking you back. John, you suck at playing checkers when you are close to orgasm."

Damn, Tom was right . He beat me at checkers but I performed a great show of anal intercourse yelling. "King me, Tom. King me. I am so close Tom, you better King me"
I came and it was every bit as good as the first time I fucked and laughed with Tom. Laughter is the best medicine. It invariably restores hope.

About 5 years a good friend called me. She sounded very sorry for herself. She said she was thinking life was too awful and she couldn't go on. She reminded me of me before I tried suicide. I immediately asked her who will answer the phone when she was dead. She was shocked at my crude answer. Seriously how can a big pile of maggots pick uo the phone. She sounded annoyed but somewhat curious. Jeepers, I bet all the idiots who sit and gossip about you around the pool will be pleased. Actually, it is a good idea for you to commit suicide, it will give the bastards who despise you something to cheer about. Let me come over real quick and I will beat you to death with a hammer. Wow, that's it. I can commit my first murder on a girl who is already committed to dying. It'll be fun. I want to come over right now and beat you to death. Pretty please. Pretty please. I've been bored all morning. Killing you might really cheer me up, huh, huh.. When she finally stopped laughing I asked her if she would like a pizza instead. Yeah, John, pizza sounds better than being murdered by you. You'd probably fuck it up and leave me crippled for the rest of my life.
Hey, woman, you want sausage or arsenic on that pizza? Sausage John.
That was about 5 years ago. About a year ago, she said she loved talking to me. You are the strangest guy I ever met.
Hey, Tom, I know how to imitate you dealing with suicide victims.
Always take the word suicide seriously. People never use that word when it is not on their mind. I thank God often for being a suicide victim who failed.:biggrin:
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#2
Several times as a teenager. Pills, plastic bags, razor blade...

Once I fell asleep with a nasty cut on my wrist and a lot of pills in my stomach, didn't think I was going to wake up. I don't think I ever did, either.

Not so many times since... a lot of drugs, though.
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#3
December 30th 1994 I successfully killed myself.

Granted the medical wizards can now resurrect dead flesh, as long as you are not dead for too long. So I live - again. Technically I died twice - since the heart stopped twice.
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#4
I tried it once when I was much younger, I just couldn't go through with it.
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#5
Howdy Gay Dating Expert, Sceak, Bowyn Aerrow, Jay125.
Glad you guys are still on board this train bound for heaven. I know a lot of terrific gay guys in heaven. Tom has appeared twice to me as a ghost. He wanted me to remember that we would both act like Topper's ghosts, George and Marian. Tom and I didn't like the reception we got on Wall St on 6/21/68 from creepy Wall St banker types. Tom said not one of those bastards make it to heaven. It is easier to pull a rich banker through a needle than it is for a sociopathic banker to get there. God is overjoyed by the turnouts at Occupy Wall St. rallies. Let's keep up the good work while we are still alive. I want to have sex with Tom a lot more times in heaven. Heaven is filled to the brim with guys who loved each other. They were the guys who created civilization which is based on the love and resect of men for each other,.

Tom said most straight guys look bored and confused in heaven. They deserately search for their wives. They want to pay bills all the time but can't find a window to go to. Their dead children prefer to play with other dead children. All gay guys know how to get around in heaven. They love to visit all parts of the planet they missed and get another dead guy to feel horny. I can't wait to get to heaven. But suicide is an unforgiveable sin. It implies you thought God was a moron when he invented male orgasm. At a trillion orgasms per year for the human race, we have had a HUGE number of orgasms since God gave us a soul..

At 66, I have at least 50,000 orgasms under my belt. I enjoyed every one. I never considered rape, assault or molestation as a source of pleasure. Everyone said YES to me and meant it. I have never been raped, assaulted or molested. Violence is not sex, don't forget that.

About 2 months ago Tom walked through the window of my retirement home. I was sure glad he knew my new address. I asked him if it was hard to get into heaven. Tom said "Not really, John.. I was asked 3 things. Did I have a conscience and use it. Did I love someone as much or more than myself. Third, was I sorry fo my sins.. I answered YES and God took care of the rest. It was easy John. You are in good shape. Don't blow it and have any more thoughts of suicide.. Try not to confuse yourself. Relax and listen to some music. Read a book and do some walking. You are ready for heaven right now, John.

Guys, I am still on track for heaven with Tom. It may take a few more years until I die. But I know how to wait. When I wait, I start to feel hopeful. When I feel hopeful, my faith in God, myslf and the universe is restored. I would love to meet God and get Him to show me around the universe. I bet He knows all the secrets since the first act of creation 14 bbillion years ago. I LOVE FINDING OUT THE ANSWERS TO SECRETS. I LOVE DOING THE SUNDAY NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD IN INK AND FINISHING IT. GOD, WILL ETERNITY EVER END. GOD WILL REPLY: TOM TOLD ME YOU WERE AN ASSHOLE AND NOW I KNOW WHY TOM FELT LIKE THAT.

Hey guys, God reminds me of my drill instructors from the marines. OW he just kneed me. OW he just punched me. OW he is giving me a spanking. WOW God spanks nice. He spanks like Tom. God really knows how to get my prostate involved. WOWEE that feels great. OOOOO that is maConfusedmile:rvelous. I really feel Horny, God. I am sure glad you are a man.

Listen Guys, God and I are going to make out for awhile. He is a divine kisser. See you when you get to heaven. What God? SHUT UP JOHN.
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#6
I never attempted it or anything, but I used to read a newsgroup called alt.suicide.methods on a somewhat regular basis...
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#7
72jay Wrote:I never attempted it or anything, but I used to read a newsgroup called alt.suicide.methods on a somewhat regular basis...

I'm glad you stopped reading thatConfusedmile:
[Image: tumblr_n60lwfr0nK1tvauwuo2_250.gif]
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#8
Bowyn Aerrow Wrote:December 30th 1994 I successfully killed myself.

Granted the medical wizards can now resurrect dead flesh, as long as you are not dead for too long. So I live - again. Technically I died twice - since the heart stopped twice.

David I totally understand what you're trying to say. However you did not die, that would make you a zombie, and you're not a zombie. Just because one's heart stops doesn't mean the flesh (more accurately tissue) dies immediately. It means the flesh is deprived of oxygen, without oxygen various tissues begin the process of dying. But it takes time for all systems to completely stop working, which is why cardiac arrest is not a painless death. After the heart stops there is still plenty of oxygen in the body to continue life for a very small amount of time longer. Therfor if the heart can be started again, the oxygen is replenished and death never comes in the first place. Death is much more complicated than just the heart stopping.
It would be more accurate to say that you came extremely close to dying twice yet were revived at the last minute each time. Revived or resuscitated not reborn.

As for me, my grandmother refilled all her prescriptions for pain medicine right before she died. So I took all her morphine pills and Valium, both entire bottles, I was around 11 or 12, though I wasn't a short, skinny kid and I've never been sensitive to medication.
It didn't work for two reasons:
One, as they say "the only way for Valium to kill you is to be run over by a truck full of it".
Two-though the morphine pills were strong, they were in the form of MSContin, an extended release formulation of the drug and the precursor to OxyContin. So it was releaseed slowly into my blood stream, therefor my liver wasn't suddenly bombarded with a huge amount of morphine and I woke up very groggy and disoriented over 12 hours later, so I didn't die.
I also took them on a Friday evening so no one really noticed that I slept so late.
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#9
Person66 Wrote:David I totally understand what you're trying to say. However you did not die, that would make you a zombie, and you're not a zombie. Just because one's heart stops doesn't mean the flesh (more accurately tissue) dies immediately. It means the flesh is deprived of oxygen, without oxygen various tissues begin the process of dying. But it takes time for all systems to completely stop working, which is why cardiac arrest is not a painless death. After the heart stops there is still plenty of oxygen in the body to continue life for a very small amount of time longer. Therfor if the heart can be started again, the oxygen is replenished and death never comes in the first place. Death is much more complicated than just the heart stopping.
It would be more accurate to say that you came extremely close to dying twice yet were revived at the last minute each time. Revived or resuscitated not reborn.

Hi Person66,
I wouldn't be surprised if this killed something in you, call it "in your mind" perhaps, that could never be brought into life again.
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#10
In my teens I would spend hours on the railway tracks finding the nerve to let a train run over me. I also tried to drink myself dead, I tried to over dose on opium, heroin, cocaine you name it. I was bullied badly, so badly that no one wanted to associated with me.

I have never even told my mother that, would break her heart to know that I was doing it so tough and she didn't know.

Also, quiet clearly the reason why I detest bullying and those that believe is a 'fact of life', and the reason why I take the 'harden the fuck up' approach to depression. Best thing for your psyche is to tackle something head on and succeed, which you are going to have to do eventually anyway because no amount of anti-depressants will cure you, they are merely prescription alcohol and mask more problems then they solve.

I'm just saying Wink
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