benefits of being a feminine gay

[DarkDaisuke]

Isn't one of the best things about being gay that it makes you learn to ignore gender roles and stereotypes?

Sadly this is not true :/ Gay men still like to classify as "straight-acting" and don't want "queens, femmys, and others along those lines." We're outside the norm and yet we strive to stay in it. (Some consider marriage to be a norm that we shouldn't go after but eh that's a different matter). We're a group that is not like the majority and yet we seek to limit ourselves by classifying as straight acting or feminine or masculine or queenish. Why not just be yourself and show the world who you are as a person instead of classifying to begin with? Be human.

[BeautifulBlue]

Sadly this is not true :/ Gay men still like to classify as "straight-acting" and don't want "queens, femmys, and others along those lines."

THIS.

I've been doing the online dating thing, because it's easier for me that way due to my people issues, and I can't count how many times I've clicked on a guy's profile and seen 'no femms' in his description.

I have particular issues with this because some people perceive me to be feminine due to my long/colored hair (it's blue.) I have SOME feminine qualities (I have a bit of a light voice, am fair-natured, giggly, that sort of thing,) but I'm not what many would describe as 'feminine.' I dunno. It's hard to explain. I don't shave body hair, hate shaving facial hair, etc. I kinda describe myself as a 'dude's dude,' though I'm completely myself. I pretty much label myself as alternative and eccentric because of it.

So, yeah -- even though there's a freedom in being gay without having to conform to gender roles, a lot of gay men are still stuck in those gender roles.

[TomStatic]

I dont mind femmine gay guys , but i dont really feel attracted to them for some reason ,
i know i can be be abit femine myself but thats mostly to do with having nice hair hahaha

[Sylph]

I also read somewhere;

so called "manly" gay guys don't want to get together with a feminine gay guy, because they are too much like a female and are obviously not attracted to females and do not want the traditional; "Husband and Wife experience", sitting in a chair together, one reading the newspaper and the other one sitting on his lap and knitting.

Which in a round-about way makes sense, but I think that's very limiting.

Like Daisuke said; Be Human. Sure I'll accept and even utilize the term feminine for myself, but I'm not a stereotype, probably the furthest from it[], yet a guy's not going to want to be with me because I talk a certain way and have a different mental & emotional view point[in regards to me behaving feminine]? Seems pretty anti-progessive to me.

We can put labels on ourselves, but I don't think it's progessive to let the labels define us.

Stay fabulous girls .

[pellaz]

... want to get together with a feminine gay guy, because they are too much like a female and are obviously not attracted to females and do not want the traditional; "Husband and Wife experience"

I thought about this in terms of the reverse. You could be attracted to an individual because he is more feminine and represents a more traditional arrangement.

[Sylph]

I thought about this in terms of the reverse. You could be attracted to an individual because he is more feminine and represents a more traditional arrangement.

Oh that's true, and actually how I would like to end up one day.

Sitting on my guy's lap with Sora[my turtle] admiring us from the spare room I will have for her[she's gonna be my baby forever, even when she outlives me mile: ] and perhaps listening to some Bach or Vivaldi[or I might play it, either or].

I'm the type that mates for life, so I want a partner and not a "fill-in".

But sadly, most gay guys don't view relationships this way [no offense to my fellow queers] and then go even further to both limit themselves and discriminate against feminine gays, because they aren't "guy-like", meaning they aren't looking for no-strings-attached sex [although some do].

I think it's anti-progessive for that reason.

If a "masculine" gay guy doesn't want a feminine guy as his partner/hook-up, then that's fine, but why do you have to discriminate and alienate? It doesn't make sense to do so, especially within your own community, people who are going through exactly what you are, most times even more so.

I've been hurt[never physically] alot in regards to my femininity and I feel like "straight acting" gays get off easier, because they can blend in, not because they necessarily want to, but because they can and it frustrates me, because they are almost always the one's discriminating against people like me. And I'm not even a stereotype.

Oh gosh, I almost went into a rant...

But it's true. I look at whether or not I can find a match for me. I don't discriminate because a guy is too "manly" or too queeny, but rather accept or decline based on aspects of our personalities and how well they mesh, if they do.

So yes Pellaz, I believe some guys look for the traditional arrangement, but from what I've seen and read, it seems that those guys are in the minority. Including myself appearantly.

[pellaz]

-homosexual relationships are possible for transgender partners
-Coming from a straight relationship was i attracted to my partner because he was more feminine than i? I cant really answer the question but probably not?

[Dean]

when become older it is more easy to accept feminine gay friends now.

[Sylph]

when become older it is more easy to accept feminine gay friends now.

Why is that? What's so hard about accepting anyone, no matter your age or persona for that matter? If you don't like it, you don't have to, but discrimination only furthers the progress to be made, I think.

I've never once told someone; "I don't want to hangout with you because _____".

People have told me that, but I've never once said it, not even to the people I really dislike.

I feel like sometimes conformity is going to be our downfall at some point... People can't keep excluding/ostracizing people who don't fit into the "norm" or their norm, because once the fems are gone[for instance], who are the going to pick on next? Everyone else of course. Inclusion and acceptance, no matter the age or persona, is what will make us better as a whole.

Diversity is the spice of life, some say .

[Dean]

Why is that? What's so hard about accepting anyone, no matter your age or persona for that matter? If you don't like it, you don't have to, but discrimination only furthers the progress to be made, I think.

I've never once told someone; "I don't want to hangout with you because _____".

People have told me that, but I've never once said it, not even to the people I really dislike.

I feel like sometimes conformity is going to be our downfall at some point... People can't keep excluding/ostracizing people who don't fit into the "norm" or their norm, because once the fems are gone[for instance], who are the going to pick on next? Everyone else of course. Inclusion and acceptance, no matter the age or persona, is what will make us better as a whole.

Diversity is the spice of life, some say .

maybe i used a wrong word. not "gay friends". but "gay"

if someone already is a friend of you. there is no point to say you are gonna exclude him out of your group or something.

well, also, in the beginning , i saw many people do not like feminine guys because they do not want themselves to be considered gay. but later it is more common because when you see more, you accept more.

about your story, i did not mean everyone acts like this there are different people around so it is true but i have never say i ever exclude anyone or things like that. i have never descriminate anyone. never put bad word in other people's mouths.