is it really love?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"But I love him" - Aww - how sweet.

But you know, love really isn't enough. In fact I know people who stay with abusers who beat the crap out of them on a regular basis that use that same line 'But I love him.'

Love is not enough.

He may not be hitting you with his fists, but I have to wonder if there isn't a lot more to this story than just 'He broke it off with me, had sex and now wants to come back.'

So why did he break up with you? Have either of you talked about that issue? Have either of you put any time or energy at attempting to solve it?

If not, then why bother getting back together?

Obviously in his mind that issue was so big, so important that he couldn't live with it thus live with you and there was no solution, except to break up.

I'm not going to buy that his having had sex with someone suddenly made that problem livable. And I am not going to buy into 'it will never happen again if we ignore it'.

[azulai]

You don't say how long you were together before this 2 week breakup. I think that info might make a difference in my response.

He didnt cheat...i know this. but could he truly love me if he can sleep with another person just after break up.

Well, Anonymous, if he initiated the breakup, sleeping with someone within a 2 week time period doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I'm thinking he probably had thoughts/internal conflict prior to your breakup, so there was some distance built up between the two of you in HIS mind.

We all love/bond differently. Some people do need to experience things first hand to know what's been lost. If you look at what he did RIGHT, we see that he didn't cheat on you but did the honorable thing (no matter how painful for you), and ended things with you FIRST before he ACTED. As you state in your post: he didn't go behind your back. He just kicked you in your heart.

It seems to me, you have a choice. You can make this an issue and inflict guilt and dwell in the negative realm of making him “pay” and jump through little marks to “prove” his love and in effect lose his honesty. Or, you can choose to build something better, deeper and more stable with communication and respect.

Forgive what? That he didn't pine for you for a “required” amount of time? Maybe he needed to do this? Maybe he IS a better man -- a little wiser -- because of this experience? Maybe he does know the difference between fucking and making love now?

You do sound a bit starry-eyed in your concept of love. Why not dig a little deeper and also use this to grow? You are only a fool if you now let him bareback you. You are only a fool if you pick things up where they left off without exploring the reasons for the initial breakup. I think healthy relationships are dynamic; they need to grow and change over time. Don't be afraid of letting it change.

Maybe go back to dating-mode and take things slow? Have some really good heart to heart discussions but maybe do something you both enjoyed in the past and has special significance to you as a couple?

Best wishes!

[myapple]

I personally would be mad as hell at first, but I'd come around later on. He had sex with a rebound, it didn't feel right to him and he came back to you. To most men, sex is just sex. To some, sex is a way of showing affection. Love will always has it's ups and down. Work it out.

[matty7]

2 weeks and he seems to be over you and sleeping with another ? we all make mistakes but its how much forgivness you have as a person, i cant tell you either way mate what to do, the grass isnt always greener on the other side of the fence and maybe he found this out and is genuinely sorry, do what your heart tells you

[BeautifulBlue]

I don't know the whole story, but to me, it sounds like you love him a lot.

If you're willing to give him a second chance, I say go for it -- but like others have said, talk to him about your feelings, how you felt, how his breakup with you affected you, etc. I would be terribly heartbroken if something like this happened to me, but the fact that he came back to you means that he still cares about you.

I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.