Confidence in Oneself!

[Dylannihilation]

A neighbor of mine had a gay son that was in his early 20's when I came out. He pulled me aside and basically answered all of my questions and doubts. I was in middle school at the time, so he had a lot of patience when it came to putting up with me! xD He was my support system through coming out and accepting myself. We still keep in touch to this day (he moved to the other side of the country) and I consider him one of my closest friends!

My parents weren't as supportive as I would have liked, and I don't know what I would have done without him. It really helped to have someone there who understood what I as going through and was willing to help. He didn't HAVE to spend so much of his free time with some brat in eighth grade, but he did. He was my biggest role model and I'll always be thankful to him! :biggrin:

[azulai]

I'm surprised seeing this topic open.
I know that each person is unique, and that's especially true in this country. However, I haven't seen a low self-esteem American since I came to the US nine years ago. A girl told me that lots of American people are simply acting to be seen confident. I didn't understand that. I still don't know how a person can act to show his/her confidence.

When I took a communication class, I could easily see who was confident and who wasn't. The only students who were not confident were Asian, but that was because they weren't born here. They spoke English with accent like I did; they sweated when they spoke; they stuttered in their sentences; and they spoke softly. The rest of the class were very confident; they spoke loudly and clearly. I can't understand how to act to show confidence.

Back to OP, I assume that you were born in USA, weren't you? I think that you will do just fine. I'm quite sure I won't be able to detect your low self confidence if I meet you in real life.

Please be proud of who you are. Most importantly, be American. I see that American people are individualistic. They don't care about what other people say about them. "To live and let live" is the motto, isn't it? I'm Vietnamese, and I'm not ashamed of my sexuality. Neither should you.

Is it confidence or arrogance? Sometimes in American interactions it is not confidence as much as arrogance. I think arrogance is actually a lack of confidence because the goal is usually just to prove yourself right. Whereas to me, confidence comes from legitimate inquiry and quest for understanding. Confidence can listen to both sides and not be afraid of a differing opinion. Arrogance wants to conquer and bring everyone to his opinion/only sees his opinion.

I've been in classes where some guys love to hear themselves talk and they basically kiss up to the professor. Most of us want to bang our heads on the desk at those times, so please don't think all Americans enjoy the arrogance.

Also, depending on the high school the person came from, some of us were pushed to dialog with teachers. I had to defend a senior project before a group of teachers so experience like that does make a difference with classroom behavior.

But, I would not put yourself or your culture down, your professors probably appreciate that you are polite and respectful and wish some American students would learn from you. I actually think humility, a work ethic and a respectful demeanor will get you further than trying to project an air of confidence. IDK, just my thoughts.

[nguyenkm]

But, I would not put yourself or your culture down, your professors probably appreciate that you are polite and respectful and wish some American students would learn from you. I actually think humility, a work ethic and a respectful demeanor will get you further than trying to project an air of confidence. IDK, just my thoughts.

Thanks. I have to say that if other American students want to be reserved and quiet like I am, they would be jobless. It's bad not to be confident. And not being confident means not being outgoing, talkative, or assertive. The American culture doesn't seem to appreciate silence. At least, that's how it is in the Bay Area. I don't know about other states.

A few years ago, I was interviewed for a tutor job at my college. When the coordinator asked me questions, she seemed to expect me to say more than a simple sentence. I was exhausted after that interview. Once I got the job, it was a relief. I only said what I needed to say. I didn't say unnecessary words, nor did I do small talk. I was friendly and smiled at my students. Although they liked me, some of them told me that my quietness masked my warm personality.

Therefore, I don't think it's a good idea people should learn from me. It just sets them back. Although I do see loud students in class, it's merely their eagerness. They like to talk and express their opinions out loud. I don't see that as arrogance. However, if I do that myself, I would feel like I'm boastful.

[azulai]

nguyen, I'm sorry for the late reply. I just saw your post.

And not being confident means not being outgoing, talkative, or assertive. The American culture doesn't seem to appreciate silence.

I agree with what you say about American culture viewing silence as a problem to be overcome. There's some research, that while it may not turn this around might give prospective employers something to think about.

The Hidden Advantages of Quiet Bosses

In a dynamic, unpredictable environment, introverts are often more effective leaders—particularly when workers are proactive, offering ideas for improving the business. Such behavior can make extroverted leaders feel threatened. In contrast, introverted leaders tend to listen more carefully and show greater receptivity to suggestions, making them more effective leaders of vocal teams.

4 Secrets of Successful Introverts

In my own experience working with business leaders over a 30-year period, the number of successful introvert leaders exceeds that of successful extroverts by a ratio of about four to one. And even though the extroverts are by definition more memorable, it's often the introverts who create longer-lasting, legacy-leaving success.

The author, Les McKeown, goes on to list his findings:
1. The power of focus.
2. The strength of the team.
3. The strategic value of anonymity.
4. The freedom from narrative.
I think he makes some interesting points and thought you might enjoy the article.

I was friendly and smiled at my students. Although they liked me, some of them told me that my quietness masked my warm personality.

I've enjoyed discussing this with you. I hope you post more in the future in other threads. I agree with your students, you sound like a warm person, a good guy. I think your opinion would lend great value to some discussions.

I have pushed myself out of my comfort zone at times, definitely embarrassed myself on memorable occasions, :tongue: and have just learned from mistakes and from what others are willing to share. I think for me I had to conquer the fear of being judged. It was kind of a realization that most people don't want perfection but honesty - honest reaction, honest work, honest emotion.