Hello, I'm male and I'm 20. So far I've only had girlfriends, even been with a girl for 8 months or so. Now what bothers me is that I feel the need of attention from a man. It's just that I feel like talking to someone who can make me feel 'safe', if that makes any sense. I've got to say my dad left me when I was 3 and I also find some of the men, the handsome manly ones, attractive. I don't know what I should do, really. I see people ask questions in here, mine would be, what to do? I'm sure this feeling isn't normal, but it follows me everywhere I go and kind of eating me from inside out since I'm not used to talking to men and I don't know how they would react, thank you.
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First and foremost,  to GaySpeak, Sunshowers. Hope you find some answers to your queries here, along with making a few friends on the way.
As our friend Michael would have said: "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it must be a duck."
I always like his down-to-earth approach. I think it makes sense to most of us that you may be attracted to men in more than one way. Of course there is the whole nurturing, fatherly aspect of being in a relationship with a man, but there are also many other aspects to take into account.
My guess is that you are at least bi-curious. When you say that you've been out with girls, do you mean that you have also been sexually active with girls? Did you enjoy it?
What seems most important is to go back to what you are secretly thinking while interacting with a girl/woman. Are your thoughts on her as a person, or are you projecting onto her something else? Someone else?
My question is: would you rather be with a man? Maybe you have no idea what that would be like. It's for us to explain and you to find out. Does the idea of being with man (in a relationship) attract you at all?
You seem to be at a time in your life when you are willing to explore. Are you free to do so? Are you bound up in a relationship with a woman at the moment?
Tell us a little more so we can guide you more positively
Take care,
PA
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I don't think your dad left YOU when you were three, but he must have left your mother (and you). I think there's a difference... however, there is no denying that you must have missed him growing up. 
Take care
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Yes, I've been sexually active with girls and I like it. No, whenever I have sex with the girl, it's the girl I think about, no other girl, not a guy, no one, just her. I cannot really answer that question because I have no idea what it feels like being in a relationship with a guy, the thing is that I'm craving for shelter in a man, not to offend anyone but I don't find effeminate guys attractive at all. I find it difficult to express my feelings and what hurts is that I've got no one to talk with, nobody knows that, after all, it's so hard to explain I bet someone would understand.
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Fortunately, I've got a lot of friends, I'm a very active person and beside that I'm really handsome, I'm not showing off or something because none of you know me, I can get any girl I want but there's something missing, I feel the need of being loved by a man, haha, it's so hard to type that and I find it so stupid it kills me. I have everything someone could think of yet I've got nothing, I'm not happy.
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hi sunshowers,
maybe you could also try to work on your confidence - to be able to make yourself feel safe.
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Hey Mate,
Chris here, i am a very masculine guy and have just left the Army after 12 Years and was in the closet most of the time i was in there.
I am Gay now but have had loads of girlfriends etc and can really relate to your situation, i have however been lucky to have grown up with a dad.
I think you are bi curious and there is nothing wrong with maybe trying it out to see if its your thing really.
If not gettin a father figure is also a good thing someone you can talk with and trust and just let off steam with and go for a beer with.
Where in the UK are you, dont tell me exactly obviously lol just roughly?
If you need any advice mate trust me i have been there and done it, i am now gay and have realized who i am but was in the closet dating girls for a long time 
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ChrisArmy Wrote:Hey Mate,
Chris here, i am a very masculine guy and have just left the Army after 12 Years and was in the closet most of the time i was in there.
I am Gay now but have had loads of girlfriends etc and can really relate to your situation, i have however been lucky to have grown up with a dad.
I think you are bi curious and there is nothing wrong with maybe trying it out to see if its your thing really.
If not gettin a father figure is also a good thing someone you can talk with and trust and just let off steam with and go for a beer with.
Where in the UK are you, dont tell me exactly obviously lol just roughly?
If you need any advice mate trust me i have been there and done it, i am now gay and have realized who i am but was in the closet dating girls for a long time
His profile says Cardiff, I think that's precise enough?
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sunshowers Wrote:Fortunately, I've got a lot of friends, I'm a very active person and beside that I'm really handsome, I'm not showing off or something because none of you know me, I can get any girl I want but there's something missing, I feel the need of being loved by a man, haha, it's so hard to type that and I find it so stupid it kills me. I have everything someone could think of yet I've got nothing, I'm not happy.
You've definitely got some exploring to do. Have you considered talking to a counsellor about these feelings. I admit I liked Nick's suggestion that you might work on your confidence. Maybe it terrifies you to have to be the strong person in a couple, maybe you don't know what it means to BE a man, in your heart of hearts? It's a tough question, to be honest. I'm not sure we've all resolved that. However it does sound as if you need to find a man to man relationship. It need not be a sexual one. Have you not had a grandfather in your life?
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By the way, I think it's not uncommon not to be attracted to effeminate men. I'd say that probably as many are attracted to effeminate as those who are precisely NOT attracted to them. But that's fine, each to his or her own.
I'm glad you think you're handsome (or maybe people have confirmed this?) and that's surely a good thing to have going for you, but at the same time, aren't you worried that even men who are attracted to men will be attracted to you because precisely you ARE handsome (ie the wrong reasons)? This sounds like a bit of a shallow thing to start a relationship, but hey, we're all out there with what nature's given us.
I think the best way to go about exploring this side of you (and maybe finding some form or contentment and happiness) is by trying to start some friendships. So first, find an area or circle in which these friendships will be possible. If it's someone older you're looking for, then you need to find a circle which caters to different age groups (for instance, not a student group, if you're not looking for someone your age). Join a choir, join a sports team, join the gardening club... you name it. What are your areas of interest?
Another question is: How scared are you of exploring this attraction to "handsome" men? (I see you've ruled out the uglies  )
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