Dating a (much older) man

[BeautifulBlue]

The thing is, I've dated guys who were much older than me (my first boyfriend was thirteen years my senior.) I don't think there's necessarily a divide between people who are older than others. I mean, yeah -- like some said, they view things differently, but that's to be expected.

I was mostly looking for advice on how to approach this if it happened. I certainly don't see anything wrong with a guy asking to meet me after a few days of chatting. How is that different than asking a complete stranger (whom you hardly know) to meet you with coffee the next day after you meet them at the supermarket?

[pellaz]

T ... I was mostly looking for advice on how to approach this if it happened ...

are you looking for a relationship the same as what you had in the past and how did it break up. Did the sex start first date. Do you thing this guy can provide you with what you want and how do you think this will end up, will it break up for the same reasons. Maybe some questions: is he, was he married? What were his previous boy friends, how did they end up (is he still talking to any of them) and why is he not with a partner now?

Clearly state what you expect out of the relationship in terms he can understand, what does he expect out of the relationship.

Look at how he treats people, likely he will be the same to you.

is this more helpful?

[BeautifulBlue]

are you looking for a relationship the same as what you had in the past and how did it break up. Did the sex start first date. Do you thing this guy can provide you with what you want and how do you think this will end up, will it break up for the same reasons. Maybe some questions: is he, was he married? What were his previous boy friends, how did they end up (is he still talking to any of them) and why is he not with a partner now?

Clearly state what you expect out of the relationship in terms he can understand, what does he expect out of the relationship.

Look at how he treats people, likely he will be the same to you.

is this more helpful?

My last boyfriend was long-distance (I met him at a convention in Pittsburgh.) He said he was going to move down here, so we got together. An old boyfriend came back and basically wooed him out of our relationship. We were together for four months. There was no sex, etc.

[pellaz]

i was going to add, be the first at the coffee shop and see how he reacts with people. Is he kind to them?

[avidcyclistMTB]

OK, I guess I'll spill all y'all's beans on the age thing. I'm 40 and my partner of 5 years is 67. The generational differences are interesting to us and force us to try and understand each other on a deeper level. We love that aspect of our relationship and though our views are not always the same, we are both reasonable people and can appreciate the point of view of someone so far apart in age.

Being 26 years apart hasn't slowed us down one bit. I've always been attracted to older men and he to younger. It's the best relationship I have ever been in.

That said, I understand everyone's concern about meeting after so little time and I echo that.

[dfiant]

Making your own mistakes is a privilege everyone should be privy to.

Very true, mistakes are going to be made, lessons be learned...but at the same time risks can be reduced

[BeautifulBlue]

Well, I just talked to him, and he seems pretty cool. He's eccentric as all-hell (which kinda turns me on, haha,) but I dunno. I'm willing to give him a chance, but we'll probably keep talking for a few more days before that happens.

[Toby]

I was recently pursued by a sixty year old man and I didn't share the same feelings. This is a guy I've been good friends with for a few years and someone I've looked to as mentor of sorts. It made me very uncomfortable. Not because of the age thing but because I've never had anyone come on to me so strongly and openly before and I really didn't know how to handle it. When I asked a couple of friend's advice on what to do about it they all expressed open disgust at the whole idea. I was taken aback a bit about it (say that ten times fast). I didn't think it was creepy, I just wasn't into him.

I actually felt really bad for him because of how much ridicule he was receiving without even knowing it. Consenting adults are consenting adults and everyone else can go fuck themselves. Some people just love to talk shit.

[scraps345]

Some of you need to see Chris & Don a love story.

[Puck]

he's looking for more? I mean, I wouldn't be against it, but I don't know the kind of protocols I would follow. I'd imagine I'd have to act a bit differently, etc., around him, but I just want to make sure I don't fuck this up even on a friendly level.

Thoughts, guys?

I would imagine use the same protocols you would with someone your own age. Just be yourself and don't worry about wondering what he thinks. As for the age gap....*waves hand dismissively* as long as you both like one another, what's the harm? I'm actually happy to see a younger guy who isn't automatically turned off by age, it speaks volumes about yourself and is sure to impress on that level alone.

Best of luck to whatever comes of this my friend mile: