Telling my parents the truth (for once)

[emasley6]

So last summer at 16 I came out to my parents about being gay, after dating girls in the past. Now, I told them in a particularly harsh context. I got into an argument with my mom about a ruling saying she knew best. I told her she didn't even know me, and it just came out, along with telling her everyone knew but her. She said nothing in response. The next day, she told my father. She told me she was scared for me that she cared still etc. It was clear she wasn't okay with it, but felt the responsibility as a parent to care. Now, a day late she told me my brother had been told by a friend with an older sibling who knew me. She tried talking to me about it but it quickly escalated into an argument. I pulled my phone out and began texting. She grabbed the phone from my hands, while screaming that I was a fucking ass hole, I don't care and preceded to attempt to smash my phone withal hammer. My dad grabbed the phone from her and she lost it and began smashing droors, cabinets, everything. My dad grabbed her as i ran out the door
I came back to my mom cleaning up the mess, crying, saying she was sorry. See, I never truly forgave her for that. As I met a guy much older than me, 21, I lied when I was spending time with him. I picked one of my many friends, as I'm quite popular, and said I was with them. As I got closer we began dating I just continued lying out of fear of her reactio and punishments to his age and the fact that I was dating a man. Today marks our 6th months of being together. All of my friends know him and love him and we have all shared many good times together along with his friends and family, who openly accepts me. My mom however has been becoming more suspicious. Asking for pictures of me with friends in certain places to know I'm with them. First of all, I'm a 17 year old young man. I know I'm still a kid and have a lot to learn yet, but I'm particularly mature for my age. All my friends are at the least a year older than me, I work a full time job, get decent grades in school, scored a 25 on my act, own a car, and have plans all layed out for college, financially and academically. Upon my maturation I've learned that. Not telling my parents and lying for so long was a mistake on my part considering all they do for me. However, at this point I don't know a way around the lies. I don't even know how to present the truth because of my fear. This is my last hope for help, here. I fear my mom will be more mad of my lying than the fact now. So I beg for anyones help, how can I tell my family?

[dfiant]

stop lying...mums know when you are lying.

When a mum says 'Is there anything you want to tell me?' <---- That right there means 'I know but I want you to tell me HONESTLY.

Mum's reaction is a little over the top, but then so was yours, you are both to blame for the violence equally.

Your mum feels like you don't trust hurt, imagine how much that would hurt, her own son lying to her.

Good luck.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Yeah she is going to be angry, so what do you do?

You find a way to tell her in a manner where you can be at as safe distance when she detonates.

My mother was like old TNT, one tiny jolt and goes the dynamite. :tongue:

I learned to be in a position where I had not other choice but to call (long distance) to deliver a bit of 'bad' news - or news that could potentially spark a major blow-up.

But there is more to this than just telling mom you are dating an older fella. You need to know the age of consent laws in your state and make certain you two are of legal age and were of legal of when you meet him.

I don't care if you two never had sex, it is assumed that two gay men have sex all the time and it will be assumed by a judge in a court of law if the age of consent question is brought to court.

If there is legal issues and you do not want to see your BF in prison and registering as a sex offender, then you need to keep this secret from mom, dad, siblings until mom is dead and resting in her grave.

[BrianNguyen]

if i were you,i'm gonna choose the way that's never come out,maybe yours and mind country is difference,but the parent's thinking are the same,so...as i told. i reather die than come out ! they will try to kill me .

[BeautifulBlue]

If there is legal issues and you do not want to see your BF in prison and registering as a sex offender, then you need to keep this secret from mom, dad, siblings until mom is dead and resting in her grave.

Bowyn said what I was going to. Keep the age difference thing to yourself. You don't want your BF going to jail just because you're underage.

[pellaz]

sorry for what i am about to say:

continue to lie to your family, especially your mother.
I cant understand parents who dont support their children 101%. Who do they expect to do this if they refuse? If they are not comfortable with their sexual preferences they should not be homophobic towards you. Throwing stuff around the house in a rage is unacceptable and I would have called 911.

there is a real danger here, you are under age and your boy friend is not. They can and will put him in jail and THEY WILL DO THIS. Until your 18years old you must be careful with him.

there is not a big age difference between you two but they are formative important years you will still learn a lot. Again be careful.

you have been dealing with your sexuality your whole live. Dont expect anyone to be understanding as quick as you need to be. Parents are like anyone else; they have fears and limits (sometimes a lot of limits) so if they hit an end stop... well till your 18 you share their life.

[emasley6]

Alright, first of all, thanks for the help. I feel as if my mom lost her shit because me coming out to her was another step in popping her bubble of the picture perfect family. My 18 year old sister moved out into an apartment in Ohio where she is going to school and told my family she is never coming back to the house (because of arguments with my mom). Also, I live in Michigan where the age of consent is 16; we're all good on that part. And I feel as if I never tell her she will find a way to find out, making it 10x worse than me telling her. Ps. My mom has no clue what's actually going on. She doesn't have a 6th sense and I've made the most elaborate, convincing stories involving other people to cover up the truth. Oh, one more thing. His age. He's 21. My parents would automatically assume he buys me and my friends alcohol as my parents do already assume I drink. (I have been hungover the day after "staying thru night at a friends house" and even come home drunk at 2 in the morning, but they've never actually caught me. I have never gotten a violation with a law. Not even a parking ticket. I'm responsible about being irresponsible.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Different states have different laws. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_con...th_America has a nice map.

Age of consent in north America varies between 16 and 18. So while in Kentucky you can have a partner age 16 or be age 16 and have an older partner, travel south to Tennessee and suddenly you are breaking the law.

[pellaz]

i looked at the New York state. Age of consent is 17 there and the map is good. But there seems to be a difference of opinion in this web site:
http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/New-York-Age-Consent

New York state has well defined laws in comparison to say North Carolina, i dont know what state the OP is from.

I dont know how a 17year old is going to get accurate information on this. May be he can contact a LGBT center, if they will talk to him. He should NOT give out his name under any circumstance. He should talk to the 21 year old and do this together.

[Rainbowmum]

Hello emasley,

Please stop lying to your mother , strange things begin to happen ,when a mother knows you are lying , and trust she knows.
We start to envision the most horrific terrifying situations, it's not a pretty picture.

Please stop lying.