Closeted

[ThatWentWell]

Well I've been consciously gay for 3 years now, and recently I've come out to two friends. I feel like I owe my mom the same courtesy. Her parents (my grandparents) and her always ask when I'm going to bring a girl home, and I usually just walk away. My mom thinks I have a girlfriends and has no suspicions of me being gay. One wall in my room is covered in posters of girls in bikinis. I'm really scared as to how she'll react. On one hand when this kid nearby committed suicide due to bullying because he was gay my mom said "it's hit choice they should just leave him alone", but on the other she also said she thinks it's wrong. I guess I'm mostly scared she might turn hostile. My dad was abusive, and I really don't want to go back into that kind of environment. I don't know what to do. :confused:

[mihai]

i know the feeling ... dude don;t stress yourself , jsut be you , when anyone asks just answer (be sarcastic to see how they will react at 1st if you are shy or scared). My dad hasn;t talked to em for 2 years after he knew i was gay , and the 3rd year he teached me how to box so i can defend myself. The stupdi thing is to stress yourself , that's why your mom is like that, she must have presumed many times you being gay and stuff , but that's how she thinks taht you will "change your mind" , but when you will tell her she will react positive and will support you cause she;s your mother... and after taht will be a 3 hours discussion about this when she will ask some strange things , but i can say 15% of the questions will kinda help you best of luck

[pellaz]

welcome to GS

you come out when you are ready and only to those people you want.
your mother might not keep secrets from your father?
high school is rumor central so again if you dont want to be out be careful. it is only a matter of time.
most mothers know their son is gay but depends on how close you are to them.

on this matter, as you describe it, you dont owe your parents anything since they have not provided an atmosphere of acceptance. You being gay or straight the rents will not change you. Get as much from your parents as you can and then tell them.

sounds like you have a good group of supportive friends.

[mihai]

i just saw your age maybe it's jsut a faze ... just try starting sex stuff with a male and a female ... see how you feeel after . And i don;t mean have sex )

[Nick9]

Hi and welcome,
first of all I don't think that you owe your mother anything that relates to your coming out.

I admit I wouldn't say anything yet. She will probably hope that you will change anyway. If one of my sons tells me in his 15 that he is gay I would be supportive without any doubts, but I guess I would think, ok, we'll see. He may be bi, or feel sexually attracted to guys, but when it comes to relationship it may be different.

In your age you've had no opportunity to live with someone and she could think that this is just a phase that won't last.

Please understand that I am not saying that you are not gay. I am trying to guess how your mother can react.

I wouldn't come out now. I would put down the posters, so that you wouldn't send out mixed signals. And I would wait until she starts to think about all eventualities.

I am afraid that if she has no suspicion and knows about the posters, she won't believe you and you would be hurt.

[pellaz]

i would hate to have to look at those posters, you might consider taking them down, maybe not.

[dfiant]

Mate, If you say you are gay then I am confident that you have come to terms and accepted your sexuality. I knew I was gay from the age of about 12, so I know it isn't a phase you are going through.

I know you always hear about people 'coming out'...you hear great stories, and then you hear some pretty aweful stories. So this would be my advice - You don't have to come out to be a complete person, being gay is normal. You already have the support of 2 friends so that is a brilliant start.

As far as your mum goes, if you fear her reaction then it is the wrong time to come out. The best thing that you could do is wait for your mum to come to you. the conversation will start with 'Is there anything you need to tell me? You are my son and I love you no matter what, but I feel like you are keeping something from me.' That is your mum telling that she knows that you are gay. Of course you can help that conversation along by not 'hiding' and remove those bikini posters from your bedroom.

Parents often say the wrong things when it comes to other people not realising how it affects their own children. Your mothers comments about the boy that commit suicide are not a true indication of what she feels, it was just a silly and off the cuff comment.

The time will come when the moment to have that discussion with mum, and in your heart you will know when the time is right, so relax and wait for that moment to come

[dfiant]

i just saw your age maybe it's jsut a faze ... just try starting sex stuff with a male and a female ... see how you feeel after . And i don;t mean have sex )

Sorry Mihai, I know you are trying to be supportive, but this is the worst possible advice you can give. It is very dismissive and it has caused more problems than it has solved.

Teens and Pre-teens KNOW their sexuality more often than not, I knew I was gay when I was 12...I'm now 43.

Never ever dismiss a young persons coming out as being a faze. It is very confusing for them because they are looking for acceptance and telling them it is a faze is the same as saying 'I don't accept you' and forces them back into the closet.

Always best to LISTEN to what young people are saying and support them and their beliefs 100%, only then will they grow and mature into fine well adjusted adults.

[Watermark]

No need to rush. Take your time and wait for the right moment. I hope everything works out well.

[ThatWentWell]

i just saw your age maybe it's jsut a faze ... just try starting sex stuff with a male and a female ... see how you feeel after . And i don;t mean have sex )

Well I don't think it's just a faze. If so then it's about a 3 year long faze.