Need help:(

[New6912]

Hey so new problem..
Eversince my mom found out I was Bi, I've seemed to have lost who I am. I lied to my mom about going on a date with a guy(was grounded, things are better now), lost my virginity on the first and second date, broke up with the guy, and have become more confused than ever.
I feel like I'm a bad person with how I've changed.. I feel empty and all I want to do is cry and end things(used to be suicidally depressed, everyday is still kind of a struggle with it), but I just end up blasting music and silent screaming while I cry.
Seriously, what am I doing? I've made so many mistakes in three weeks and I just feel disgusted with myself.

[Nick9]

Hi New,
I don't see any "so many mistakes."

You lied to your mom, I am sure it wasn't the first time. You don't say how old you are, but I am sure it won't be the last time either. And yes, I am a parent

So, the only thing is you slept with a guy without having a strong bond with him? *hug*

Take it as a "try" and start again. Find good friends and slowly look for a guy or a girl who you will feel good with and ask that person to a date. There is no need to sleep with him/her on the first date, be sure you will feel good with them.

Perhaps it happened too fast for you and slowing down will help. Start again

[Sil]

Hey New,

I think getting used to who you are was one of the toughest parts of my life, and right now you're going through that awesome period of freedom and self-discovery that also entails years of ballache and stress. In all seriousness, there is a time when all these feelings pay off; I don't know why but growth is painful.

I'm sure you love your mum a lot and don't like lying to her, but I would say you're doing it because you need to be yourself and have relationships, and you don't want to make her feel bad or uncomfortable. It's not easy. It's messed up but sometimes lying comes from a good place I think.

If you keep on feeling like this though I'd recommend going to see a counsellor in private, if it's all getting too much. It's a good place to let somebody know what's going on without being judged. I feel for you dude because I remember what a volatile time of life that is, and for me music helped a lot, expressing stuff and learning to play; sounds lame but yeah... I got pretty good at guitar. You can channel stuff like that.

Don't feel disgusted with yourself. You're a human being *shrugs* we're all pretty disgusting

[pellaz]

so is the upset you lied to your mother and/or broke up with the guy or lost the virginity or you have a case of internal homophobia?

-you should be aware of the incubation times and infection exposures for various STD & the HIV, google is your friend here. Get tested ever 3-6mo, best done for free an a sponsored clinic. Your the man.
-gay or straight one nighters and break ups are a way of life but to be a gay man you have to be able to carry on a successful same sex relationship. The relationship thing is a lot of work and you need to find some one worthy to invest in. Your young?, you have time to make mistakes and should expect they will happen.

look up the local lgbt center, they might be understanding from a gay teen perspective. Good to see your out to your family.

[zeon]

Hello,
Sounds like you got a bout of depression there matey... Dont let things get too heavy on you what you need to do is put all the pieces on the floor emotionally and only pick back up the good ones and begin building your life again... No more lying to people because liers get caught out eventually and end of the day your mum has to accept your sexuality and understand it doesnt change you..

chin up mister x

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Mom grounded you - so you must be underage.

I think if I had a kid I would insist in a strict no sex policy until they were 18. I don't care who they are dating, but I want my kid to be safe and not sick, thus I would be all up in arms if I suspected they were fucking before age 18. In which case I would ground the kid until s/he was 30. :tongue:

I think most parents are highly protective of their "innocent" child. Sure, every other kid on the block is a brat, is a slut, is doing drugs, is ______________ (fill in the blank) but "My kid" never does anything of these things, and its just not OK because it is MY kid.

For most parents it is difficult to initially accept that their kid is not straight. Many if not most parents want their kid to be straight not because they have an issue with LGBT but because they don't want their kid to suffer at the hands of those who persecute LGBT.

Lack of honesty with your mother will make matters worse. I can assure of that much.

Of course mom doesn't need to know everything... but the basics, such as who you are with and how you feel about that person is important. It may take mom a while to adapt to the whole notion that you are Bi - but she will, in time.

Your 'mistakes' are now in the past. Learn from them. Don't do them again.

[Rainbowmum]

Hi New,
First let me say , you did not make any mistakes that you should feel disgusted about.

With the exception of lying to your mother.
Us mothers have been blessed with a built in lie detector.

I am going to be honest with you , losing ones virginity is never cracked up to what we imagine it to be, that being said I hope you were smart enough to use protection.
And that goes for any sexual contact regardless of if it is with a man or a woman.

If you can learn something from something you regret doing , then it is a lesson rather than a mistake.

Time to learn the lesson and move on.
You can't change the past ,but you can make sure you have a better future.

[James]

New6912, understand lieing, trying to say what you think your mom wants to hear, won't work, as Rainbowmum says the radar finds the truth, Bi huh, hmmm, my other just got married at the beginning of this month to his gf, so kinda know how that works, please don't go into depression, many of us forget that what is a minor problem now with lifes experiance, can be a catastrope when we were young(yes many of us were young once). Life is an experiance, how you approach it makes a huge differance on how it looks, hold back on sex, find the right partner (over a period of time), always use protection till you trust your partner fully(this sometimes takes years), but above all, LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF, Jim

[dfiant]

I am big on honesty, so if someone lies they get what they deserve.

As for losing your virginity, almost everyone is in a rush to lose it and once they have most usually regret it, that's normal.

I'm very much a 'Is what it is' person, can't change facts so just going to have to live with them.

I lost my virginity when I was young, I don't regret it, I was also very promiscuous through my teens and into my 20's, I don't regret that either. They may have been mistakes but these things shape the person you are to become.

I don't know how old you are, but I am guessing around 15??? If you are going to have sexual encounters then there is probably nothing that is going to stop you...BUT if you don't take precautions and practice safe sex then you will end up with quiet a few regrets potentially, some regrets that you will carry for the rest of your life.

If you took measures toward safe sex then as far as I am concerned the only thing you have to feel guilty about is lying.

AND YES...you CAN get a sexually transmitted disease even if it is your first time and it is the other persons first time as well...so condoms are king...herpes is a life long virus usually and can be transmitted as cold sores to genital herpes.

[ManicReptile21]

had sex on the first and second date? How confused exactly were you when you chose to do it? Gimme a break. Confusion is the spawn of misinformation and improper use of words. I'm sure those things alone didn't cause you wanting to get it over with on the first date. You wanted to be able to say you lost your virginity to someone. You wanted to be proud of it. Well charlie welcome to the club. Didn't think getting in would be free now did ya? A terrible experiance is the price. Look at the bright side, at least you can say you did it.---What's that? You lied to your mother and threw yourself into what could've been a VERY DANGEROUS SITUATION and your sad and angry with yourself? You should be. There is no problem with that. But don't come looking for sympathy from me. We get what we deserve. Take a moment from blasting your music so loudly and take a chance to listen to yourself think. You need to clear that mind of all the filth. Think logically and very very deeply. You only feel disgusting because you really didn't want to go through with it. You weren't ready. It happened so quickly you lost yourself in the process. Its a tough pill to swallow but no one can help you find yourself again. No amount of booze or weed is going to help you either. Go around. Ask people questions. Questions you never thought you'd ask. The answers will be your only guide.

and don't be swooned by that oh so perfect man you had happy happy time with. If he comes back around don't give him another chance. The guy's a disgrace.