Age Gaps

[vonbek2004]

Hi all,

I have been in a long term relationship with my partner, Im 28 and he is 50. Now i love him with all my heart but I am starting to feel that the spark we once had is no longer there. He and I both work long hours at work and rarely have time to ourselves and the time that we do have we spend asleep as we are so exhausted (this is on a weekend) however he and I had a week off this week and majority of the time he wanted to spend at home playing computer games even though the weather was really nice and did not want to be out an about whereas i thrive the outdoors.

Granted our relationship is very one sided majority of the time where he is doing alot for me and not vice versa and was wondering could it be that i am expecting too much but yet i give so little in return

We are currently engaged and planning to get married but am worried that by the time i reach 35 he is not going to want to do much, ie: go on long holidays, etc etc. There has been jokes that when he retires i will be the sole earner, granted he will have a pension also which i come to expect with a long term relationship.

I do not want to split up with my boyfriend but more looking for advice. I would like honest answers even if majority points at me at least i will then know where my faults lie.

Thanks for reading.

Stuart.

[Nick9]

Hi Stuart,

welcome to the forum

I don't think that the age has to do anything with it. It can, but it's not necessary. It can be temporary or your partner simply wants to spent his free time differently.

You say that you have been in a long time relationship. That can be the reason why "the spark is gone." That is natural in any relationship.

You need to talk. If you don't quite like the way you spent the last week, tell him. Try to make a compromise, so that both of you would be happy.

I've been in a long time relationship with a big age gap. It can be done

[pellaz]

i am a proponent of the 10 year difference rule but your cat is out of the bag.

i took my partner prillion on the sportbike. Even if the same age your partner could die before you, die tomorrow. Even if your partner is the same age he could get religion, get a lady pregnant or any un scheduled life change. Your partner, the same age as you could just leave you for another man.

so if the relationship works whats the difference?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pillion

[zeon]

Hello,
I think the problem is not on any part of the relationship... I think in order for it to work you both should make time for each other... Now he may like to stay on his computer games and if thats the case then there is nothing stopping you going out. His reaching a time in life where his body will maybe slow down a little but to be honest if his happy and contented in his relationiship then all that matters is the trust for u to go out where u want without him and vice versa.. I wouldnt worry too much love is a seed that grows and during the day u guys can be apart but at night youre together again x

[Pix]

A lot of couples who have been together a long time do many things separately. One staying inside while the other enjoys the outdoors sounds normal to me and not like it should be a problem, assuming that from time to time you still do things together and/or have other activities and interests that bind you together.

And btw, you might find yourself slowing down in the next few years to come as well.

[Rainbowmum]

I have to agree with Pix.
Terry and myself are completely different , I am extremely independent , and love any thing out doors , Camping , archery , hiking, horse riding and much more.

He is content to stay at home and do what ever he pleases.
I cherish my privacy and time alone, we often take separate take holidays.

There is ten years between us and we are fine with that , granted our taste in music is completely different , we simply make it work.

[vonbek2004]

Hi all,
Thanks ever so much for the feedback and advice it was a great help. I am very happy in our relationship maybe i just want him and I to do more things togeather but have completly different hobbies / insterest however i will not let that dampen our love for each other and will find something that we can both do togeather and enjoy our company.

Pix is right also I guess i'll start slowing down too mile:

Thanks again.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

That old saying of age is just a number really is true you know!

That other favourite saying I like is "your only as old as the last man you feel"

In my case I'm the older (by 10 years) and we have been together full time for the last 8.

Strangely I can't get HIM off the video games sometimes!

Seriously though we are two different people who are in love with each other. We've had our ups and downs over the years, but who hasn't, gay or straight?

We do like different things ( he has a questionable taste in music :tongue: ) and we do do things separately but deliberately, so as not to be in each others pocket all the time.

Importantly, and essentially in my opinion, we also make "us time" where we do things together, be that eating out, shopping, holidays etc. I'm also an old romantic at heart and that helps!

I'm sure you will be fine mile: