In need of help comming out ot Wife

[Jerbear1113]

I'm a bi sexual man who is married to a good woman. I'm in need of some help I am craving sex with a man. She knows about my sexuality and we have talked about it in the past, but it was more than i did it and left alone. In the past few months I have been wanting it more and more. I have found a few men friends for now and we have all been chating and sharing stories of our past and I know that I'm not alone. Thay have come out to there spouces in the past and moved on. I guess I'm really looking for what is the best way to do that? I know it will hurt her but in the end me living with my feelings is not good for both of us either. I'm just supressing my feelings. I don't hate her I do still love her but it is not the same and I feel like I have been hurting her. We don't talk like we used to and sex is just sex. I have been having dreams about sex with a man and want to feel that again.
Please, If anyone out there has a few tips or pointers for me I would love to heare them. I want to let her know that she is still a great person and has been a wonderful wife but I just need more, and she don't have the parts that I have been wanting. I want to come out to her and move on with my life. I want to free my supressed feeling and still let her know that it is not her fault.

Thank you all

[Nick9]

Hi Jerbear,

Do you have kids? What does it mean to "move on?" A divorce? Or staying in marriage and make the relationship open?

[Jerbear1113]

Yes we have a daughter, and an open relationship would be ideal, but I don't really see that happening so a dovorce may be in the cards. "Move on" would really mean being able to find myself without having to always be looking over my shoulder. Really lookin for any insight you all may have that may help me feel more confident on what and how to let her know.

[Nick9]

I know about one marriage like yours is. He is bi, came out to his wife and told her he wanted to stay (there were small kids). They made their relationship open.

I worked ok for several years. He was a great father, but the wife was not very happy over the years. She felt used and not sincerely loved, even though he (as far as I know) hadn't a stable male partner.

I guess you are not sure yet if you want to have sex or if you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy. Maybe you could open your rl and you would see. Maybe it will be enough for you and you will realize that you want to save the marriage and you two find a way.

I don't know if your wife will like it (now or after several years). I am just not fond of a quick separation in any relationship.

[pellaz]

"Move on" would really mean being able to find myself without having to always be looking over my shoulder.

I wold really think in terms of the risk of contracting a std or the hiv and your wife getting it from you. It is not a fairy tail world and this could happen. Gay men who do hook ups get tested every 3-6mo and how would this not include you and your wife?

I was in a straight marriage and even had a daughter. My advice is you took an oath and lots of your life's work is tied up with your family. I waited till my daughter was grown up. You can be the best BI person with your wife

Those that are BI can explain it better but:
Just because your BI dosnt mean you can have a relationship with another man any more than I as a gay man can cheat on my man. Some where along the line you have to make a choice, stop the one night affairs and have a monogamous relationship with a man or a lady, pick one. Gay, straight or BI I think you have what they call a seven year itch.

I guess that doesnt make it any less difficult and hope your able to work out your differences with your family.

[ZackT]

I'm a bi sexual man who is married to a good woman. I'm in need of some help I am craving sex with a man. She knows about my sexuality and we have talked about it in the past, but it was more than i did it and left alone. In the past few months I have been wanting it more and more. I have found a few men friends for now and we have all been chating and sharing stories of our past and I know that I'm not alone. Thay have come out to there spouces in the past and moved on. I guess I'm really looking for what is the best way to do that? I know it will hurt her but in the end me living with my feelings is not good for both of us either. I'm just supressing my feelings. I don't hate her I do still love her but it is not the same and I feel like I have been hurting her. We don't talk like we used to and sex is just sex. I have been having dreams about sex with a man and want to feel that again.
Please, If anyone out there has a few tips or pointers for me I would love to heare them. I want to let her know that she is still a great person and has been a wonderful wife but I just need more, and she don't have the parts that I have been wanting. I want to come out to her and move on with my life. I want to free my supressed feeling and still let her know that it is not her fault.

Thank you all

I had a similar experience when I came out as Bisexual last year around this time.

I love my girlfriend, at that point in time I'd been with her for close to 2 years. BUUUUT like you, I was becoming more and more obsessed with having sex with a man. Part of it was the problems we were having in our relationship, and part of it was the sexual awakening. The realization and acceptance that I am also attracted to men, and the desire to explore that attraction.

I talked to her about it, I told her about 3 weeks after I admitted it to myself. She asked me if I needed to expirement, and I told her no. As much as I wanted to (and still do sometimes), I knew how badly that would hurt her and it would probably irrepairably damage our relationship even if I had her permission. So I just dealt with it, kept it in my fantasies, and tried to be honest with her. It took awhile, but we're in a great place now.

I can't promise you that you'll be able to calm down like I have, be able to get it off your mind without actually doing anything about it. I never had sex with a man, but I did try to stimulate myself with toys and it never worked out for whatever reason, I think it was just too awkward a position for me to enjoy myself. That might've helped me, I dunno. In the end, I think the biggest thing that helped me get past the obsession was realizing that I have a wonderful girlfriend who I love very much, and going out and getting fucked in the ass isn't worth losing her.

[zeon]

Hello,
There is two routes to go down.... Good or evil.... Now the evil side is

Have a 121 fuck buddy who relieves you and vice versa and is based on no strings attached and sworn secrecy etc

The Good is....

ask your wife for a strap on that way your getting the feeling without the cheating aspect and the whole idea of a woman doing the humping can be kind of amusing id imagen... No point tearing up a happy household for the sake of sex just be honest and tell her being bi sexual has 2 needs and therefore she needs to do overtime in the bedroom and have a go at being a man its all about exploring sexual fantasy and can be not only safe but also fun. She might be a bit warped as i would if a man suddenly said right shove ur cock between ur legs and lets play pretend and you can be the woman and ill be the man.... Yeah right!

[princealbertofb]

Hello Jerbear and to GaySpeak. I'm not convinced that what you're looking for is just the strap-on that Autie Zeon suggested. I think you have had some time to think it through and I think you are getting to this stage in your life where suppressing the need for man on man sex is getting too hard.
I don't know whether you would be into doing sex with a man from time to time or if you'd be looking for something more permanent. It sounds, from your initial post and later ones that you are looking to moving on. Therefore I'm getting the impression that you are now thinking seriously of exploring your gay side, maybe you were never really meant to be with a woman. Is that the case?

Whatever you decide to do, good luck with this crisis and I hope you and your wife manage to keep the environment safe for your daughter.
Take care,
PA

[pellaz]

i like the regular fuck buddy suggestion but you never know where the friend+ has been. You will have to be super careful. Bet you dont use a condom with the wife.

[ESLteacher]

Be honest with her, secrets never help. If you feel how you feel then tell her, she may enjoy seeing you get pounded