cheating partner

[pellaz]

I like your idea of giving it some time, ill not mention it tonight.

[Bookworm]

Like the others have said, I think his guilt vibes led you down this road anyway, I'd probably have done the exact same in this situation as my alarm bells would have been deafening me and I'd have gotten no peace. I would have had to have it out with him too as soon as possible.

It's really the last thing you need right now after reading your other thread and what you've been going through the last few years, but it's happened and the cat is out of the bag. I would take some time out to reflect on it but ultimately, going forward I would have to seriously think about all the issues that BA covered in his reply because this clearly changes the dynamic of your relationship should you decide to stay.

[Pix]

In this case I see you having extenuating circumstances at the very least.

A few years ago I would've said one shouldn't do that (though I think I'd have found it understandable in this case even back then) but then I got cheated on. The first sign was my partner suddenly got secretive about her calls and phone which confused me as she never had before. That she was cheating never crossed my mind (as that was just too clumsy in my book) until I noticed other signs as well, instead I figured she was helping someone with a very personal matter who didn't want others to know (which I admired) and even thought that just maybe she was trying to work out some special surprise for me (ah, the terrible irony...). So if someone got antsy over me seeing their phone again I think I just might take a peek myself.

[pellaz]

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[Nick9]

question:
do you think it was bad of me to spy on him for the first time?

Absolutely. Sorry, pellaz. You know that I've been in a very long relationship and we've been through a lot, but my partner's phone, laptop and his desk is taboo for me. If I had a suspicion I would confront him with detailed questions.
Reading the answers of others I am surprised and glad, that my partner has the same opinion. It seems to be rare...

On the other hand I believe that there is only few things that are so serious that would be a reason for me to break the relationship. Cheating is not among them. And no, our relationship is not open and we don't act like it is.
If there is a will, you can always work on it and make things better.

[pellaz]

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[Nick9]

just thinking an open relationship is burnt out love?

I don't know, pellaz. I don't think so, if both partners are ok with a relationship of this kind.

If he demands i be monogamous he needs to be too.

I couldn't agree more.

[Rainbowmum]

I am so sorry Pellaz.


As for your question , yes I believe it was wrong.
But that is just my opinion.

[72jay]

Wow sorry to hear that man

for your question on if it was wrong to be searching his phone..I say no it wasn't

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personally if I was ever in a relationship with someone, and found out they cheated, that would be the end of it (but thats my personal thing .. if you guys can work it out & stay together thats even better)

[zeon]

Hello pellaz,
I am sorry to hear the news and i can imagen it isnt the nicest thing youn want it hear... I would say going through a mobile is like opening up a letter to be honest arranging a meet is one thing and carrying it out is another... Maybe ask him and talk civilized as to why this happenned... Tell him that your not having a go because life is too short just talk it over and identify if there are any cracks that need sealing... I know with me personally my sex drive can go through the roof whereas my ex didnt and i did stray (being honest) i didnt feel any better but knew my heart belonged to my ex who still has a way of keeping it there... Best thing is talk it through with him zx