So, I never doubted my husband's fidelity until one day when I called to say I was on my way home from work, and after we hung up, his phone called me back without his knowledge. I heard porn playing and what sounded like other people having sex in the background. I listened for 35 minutes and then got too mad hung up and called. He denied he was doing anything until I said I had heard everything but only admitted to watching porn so I told him to leave the porn tape (online) up and the dialogue better match what I heard. Well it didn't match, he had been freshly showered, and then told me he was getting ready for me. We've never had set after I come home from work (14 hour days) but maybe 1 or 2 times in 10 years. He claims he was alone. I don't believe him. There are other things that lead me to think he is cheating. Long periods of no sex, no anal intercourse which used to be a pretty common thing. All of the porn he was watching was anal intercourse porn. And the part of the dialogue that didn't match was verbal of another guy yelling give it to me repeatedly and moaning in between. Am I crazy to be concerned? I've been spying on him and have seen suspicious activity but haven't been able to catch him in the act. Also have voice tapes of what sounds lie him and someone having sex. He says he isn't cheating and never has. I don't believe him. We are travelling together alone and there isn't a lack of sex on the trip which makes me think he's cheating at home even more so.
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So ..
What is your >Question ?
Your days are spent running intricate spy operations on your partner?
This is not a healthy way to live.
How about this.
>Confront him with this option..
Stop cheating or we separate?
Seriously..
You BOTH need counselling.
Good luck.
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Are you crazy to be concnered? Of course not, but are your concerns based in reality?
You have asked him if he is cheating and he denies it, you don't believe him. Where does that leave you?
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Well... My husbear got uncharacteristicly panicky about me and cheating the other day. I'm not cheating and I don't intend to. I just made a good friend. A girl. And we have gone clubbimg and stuff...
I understand that he's worried. I would be too. But it hurts me to think that he's at home worrying (needlessly!) while I'm out having above-the-belt fun.
So there's another side for you.
I don't think you're crazy or anything. I'm sorry that it has come to spying on him... I don't know what to tell you. Really. If you really believe he's cheating and he refuses to admit it, then I guess you have two options: suck it up, forget about it and move on OR forget anout him.
Oh and yeah. Typos everywhere. I'm writing from my phone. Sorry!
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Trust is a fragile thing. Once it is broken, it is so hard to re-build, and often impossible. I feel for you. I have been in a relationship for many years, and the only reason I have not gone "off the reservation" is that I cannot imagine violating the trust we have built over the decades. I feel for you. You have to decide whether to continue to trust, or whether you need to go in another direction. What you can't do is continue to let this eat away at you.
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So, thanks for all the input. I don't spend all my time spying. I know he's cheating, I have confronted him but he denies it over and over. I told him about the recordings, he wanted to hear them and when I started to play them he blew up and got fiercely mad. These are the reasons I want to catch him in the act. We are away from home for 4 months, I plan on letting all 'chill' then upon returning home I plan to catch him in the act. It's the same guy for a while, I have seen him leaving my house from a distance and just can't seem to get there quick enough. I have a plan that I hope works. My husband acts like he would never do this but I think it's been going on for a few years now, I was just too naive and trusting of him to catch him. I thane thought this for a long timer. The phone call gave me a solid reason to look into it more. I appreciate all of your points of view. Thanks and if anyone has any advice my ears are open.
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So, you are planning to set a trap. Then what? If you catch him in the act, what will you do? Leave him? Forgive him? Punish him? What?
If you are so sure he is cheating, why not leave him now? Will you somehow feel vindicated if you have
"proof". It's a miserable way to live.
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