Ok, let me start off by saying I'm new to all of this and I never was good at noticing if a girl "liked" me let alone a guy. So bear with me on this one. I had something happen last night during rehearsal for the musical I'm in that in hindsight has me curious.
There's another guy who is also part of the cast that I've developed a friendship with over the past couple of months, but quiet honestly I'm quite attracted to him in more than a friendship way. However, I've never disclosed my sexuality to anyone involved in the musical nor to him simply because I haven't felt the need to.
But last night this guy did two things that has really got my curiosity going this morning. First, he said something to me to the effect of "you and I haven't had our time" tonight. And at first I just played it off as him goofing around with me, but the more I think about it and what happened next the more I wonder if there wasn't something more there.
The second thing that happened was without me asking he came up to me in between scenes and gave me a back and shoulder rub. Now he's been doing this off an on for other cast members, both male and female, but this was the first time he's ever done this for me. Plus, I've never had another guy do this. Heck, my wife doesn't even give me a back rub.
Now I have to say that I'm a little embarrassed for thinking such things, mainly because the guy is such a good friend and he is much younger than me (by about 15 years). But I'm just wondering if maybe I'm making too much of this or not. And I'm also wondering what are some other things I could look for to see what his true feelings are for me?
I've already been given some real good advice from Maverick on this, but would like some other opinions. Any advice would be appreciated.
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you so sound like me a while back so posting here is almost a conflict of interest. welcome to the difficult life boo.
-stay with the wife, gay men will never like straight married men.
-dont date anyone 10 years outside your age, a younger friend can be a big advantage and there are lots to learn on both sides. Love conquers all but start a relationship at a dis advantage and see where it goes.
how do you tell if they are gay:
-look up his FB
-you cant have enough friends, become his friend and when the time is right he will tell you. Of course this is not instantaneous results you want but you gain a straight friend.
-play safe, infect the wife and you will be more than bad.
gaydar is only a 10% advantage for a person who knows how to use it. There are only 2-5% gay men in the population, not everyone that gives you a back rub is gay.
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Pellaz -- some good advice there, and like I said, I don't want to make something out of nothing. He's already a good friend and I'd hate to lose that.
And I just thought I was confused before I told my wife I'm gay!! :eek:
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Yeah...still in damage control mode from that shocker. But as far as this guy goes I'm just gonna play it cool and be friends with him and if the opportunity ever arises I'll see what happens.
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Oh my gosh! I'm getting to the point where I'm almost obsessed with this guy. I really think there is something there besides friendship, but with the current situation I'm in, I can't let it go any further than it already has, no matter how bad I want it to. Don't want to give her any more ammo to hurl at me and really don't want to hurt the kids like that either!
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He gives back-rubs to all, that means he is a touchy-feely type person.
Plenty of people have a need for touch - this is not a sexual orientation clue, it means he is a person who needs/requires touch as part of their 'communication process'.
Is he gay? Unknown - nothing that you have posted can determine his sexuality. Now if I was in the same room with him where I could observe him and see him going about his daily routine I could tease out of his body language his sexuality. This is a process of observation and knowing how people act/react to potential sexual partners.
You are a stunted individual - I'm not being mean here, I'm being honest. You are stunted, spending so much time in a lie, in a 'false' relationship. Now suddenly you have flung open the doors to the potentials and you are seeing opportunities everywhere - yes even in places where there are none.
You are going to end up obsessing over him because he becomes an idealized representation of potentials you want to explore, and since you are too "young" as a gay person to pick up on the regular clues, lacking experience around gay folk, you are going to read a lot more into innocent gestures.
You are a married man. Between you, me and the lamp post, most gay men do not do 'married' men. We do not get into sex-sessions with men who are already taken. The idea of being the 'other woman' is a turn off to most gay males. Yes, certainly, there are those who gladly wreck homes and enjoy it.
Regardless your working relationship with your wife, all the potential sex-buddy is going to have to work with is your word. Trust me, lots of 'straight' married men in the world tell wonderful tales of how open their relationship is with their wife... to find out after the tryst that the reality is the wife is clueless.
Spring/Midsummer relationships are problematic for well grounded individuals who know who and what they are. It becomes even more of a problem for a person who has put off becoming who they really are until later in life.
Why? Because more often than not a person who is 30+ years of age who discovers their sexuality has all of this regret, they regret not being in their 20's thus seek companionship with a 'kid' in order to recapture that lost potential. The youth becomes a symbol of lost chances instead of a real life mate.
Since you are so 'young' in your sexuality, you have to be doubly careful that your interests in a youth is not one of trying to make up for that lost decade of your youth. The older you get without exploring your sexuality honestly, the more likely it is your interest in the young is your 'second change' to be a young gay male.
Regrets - you have many. You may not realize how powerful regret can be or how much it will motivate you to pursue the wrong interests.
Until such time that this kid comes out to you and 'confesses' his undying love to you for you, I strongly suggest you think of him in terms of a good kid - a kid - a kid - kid- Child - Teenager - untouchable. And seek companion ship with men closer to your age.
I doubt he is mature enough and experienced enough to deal with your marriage, your being 'curious' and your issues with your own sexuality. Even if he is 110% homosexual, I doubt he could deal with the consequences of your 'crap'.
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Thank you for being so brutally honest Bowyn, and I truly mean that. I think a lot of my problem right now is I'm just so miserable and need a way out but can't seem to find it. The wife doesn't want to let go of me, for whatever reason, and I can't muster up the balls to just walk out. She claims she has no one she can turn to, but the fact is everyone who knows about all of this, outside of this forum and one close friend of mine who I finally confided in, is on her side. All I want is to live my life open and honestly, and every way I turn I keep getting pushed back into the lie! And it hurts.
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I know you guys are getting sick of me whining and crying and I'm sorry.
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dont be that way ( sorry )
lots of posts on gayspeak gay crushes on a straight
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