Ex-Gay

[WheresTheLove]

Has anyone here ever tried to be ex-gay, thought of becoming one? What's your opinions on them?

I think I may become one but hold your horses before you begin the lecturing. I have reasons.

I know for a fact that it does not "work". Sexuality is biological and cannot be changed like that. I know that these people merely learn to repress it somehow or lie. They're mainly just celibate gays.

However, what is their motive for doing this?
Most say it's religious, but I think that's a lie. I'm mostly atheist/agnostic, sometimes Christian (I have mood/personality disorders, so, yes, I do change religious views constantly) and I still think of being one.

For many, it's just the shame that society instills on us for not being the norm. Don't most straights hate gays, after all?
But you know what? For men, there's a bigger issue, and I think I know what it is.

They hate gay men and no longer wish to date or have anything to do with them.

That'd probably be my reason, mostly. I hate to be blunt about it, but... let's just say that although gay men come in all different styles and sizes, none of them suited me. Well, not yet. That and I'd prefer to tell people I'm straight.

Of course, as I said, I'd really just be a celibate gay man. Any homosexual attractions and urges would still be there.
For that reason, I wouldn't waste thousands on some ministry program. I'd make myself ex-gay.

If I did find a guy I really liked though, I'd probably throw all that out the window, I wouldn't pass up a good opportunity. But I highly doubt that'll happen.

So basically, being ex-gay isn't real, it's just how you label yourself.

Thoughts?

[gayusasian]

are you being hurt constantly, and choose not to believe love any more - no matter homosexual or heterosexual?

[Pix]

I think that orientation is inherent and not a choice while how you live (such as being celibate) is.

Or put another way someone who is naturally without sexual desire or attraction is asexual while someone with sexual attractions but resists them are celibate (yet remains gay, straight, bi).

Back when I was a runaway I knew straight boys (and a lesbian) who had sex with men for money...that did not change their orientation, however, anymore than someone gay becomes straight by hiding in a heterosexual marriage and having kids.

And I think calling one's self "ex-gay" is, at least the vast majority of cases, simply a lie, and I do believe it's mostly a lie inspired by religion that teaches gay attraction is unnatural (even the result of demonic possession). Most everybody else wouldn't call themselves ex-gay, they'd just call themselves celibate.

[East]

I think we create our own heaven and our own hell..right inside of us. We become willing prisoners in our own brain.

Shame, Fear, Guilt and the need for approval and acceptance are the usual culprits which help us build the walls in our custom made prison cells...

I dont' want to knowingly enter into someone else's hell unless I think I can help them and that is what I think being ex gay and that particular journey is all about...an inner hell on earth that comes mostly from a lack of self awareness and acceptance and a need to see oneself through other people's eyes. I think the whole ex gay movement is a colossal mind f*ck journey.

I think it would harm my spirit too much to engage those people or the topic any further than that...at one time I would have...but I have since learned to respect my personal limitations and mental health.

[Dylannihilation]

We're not going to find the perfect guy that suits us right away...we're 19. Sexuality is just a part of us, and we don't have to rush into sex and relationships too quickly. Just worry about finding YOU and, one day, you'll find that guy that you really like! Good luck!

[dfiant]

For many, it's just the shame that society instills on us for not being the norm.

Society is far from normal, so who has the right to judge any minority group...after all in our own ways, yes even straights, fit into one or another 'minority' group.

Don't most straights hate gays, after all?

Nope, most straights are accepting, it's only bigots that have the problem...BIGOTS - another minority group.

and I think I know what it is

You don't have a clue.

Thoughts?

You are extremely immature and exceptionally ill informed.

I'm just saying.

[Person66]

Daz is right. Straight guys don't hate gays. I have lots of straight male friends. And straight female friends. I've noticed that the people who don't accept my sexuality (evangelicals, the majority of my relatives) never liked me to begin with. Being ex-gay, just means you're gay and celibate. As humans we need sex to live happy fulfilling lives (not as much sex as the media would have you believe) but still. I can't tell you how much happiness my partner has brought me. If I had closed myself off after an ex-girlfriend practically ripped out my beating heart I was have been alone and unhappy. I know it can be difficult to put yourself out there, being in a relationship can feel vulnerable, but in the end it's worth it.
Why let the bigoted minority win by being ex-gay/celibate?

[sonofthemanse]

I'm sympathetic with your position, but this thought popped into my head: if you're going to be ex-gay and you've admitted yourself that you'd still be gay but celibate, you're basically living a lie. Are you happy with that?
Also, my experience of gay but celibate people seems to be people of a very strong (for me, Christian) faith who are only celibate in order to avoid God's wrath. (Insert all you've heard about abominations and not inheriting the Kingdom of God here.) Therefore, I wouldn't advise being ex-gay if you're still undecided regarding religion. A celibate Christian person would probably say that it's only through God's help that you're able to commit to celibacy. I'm going through the same sort of thing and this is where I'm at, anyway. Hope it helps!

[zeon]

Hello,
Labelling yourself as ex gay and trying to practice the method of being hetrosexual will do you more harm than good... I would like to ask you why do you need to justify your sexuality to some small minded people?? What your doing is the equalivalent of a black man saying I dont want to be black so im going to be white and act white and bel;eive i am white... Now i hear you say well thats impossible his skin remains black,,, Well the same stigma sits in this one... I tried to hide my sexuality when i was younger and all that did was make me depressed... I would advise maybe learning to love yourself more than you do and dont let people make you feel any different because out there is a man waiting for you over god knows how many hills and one day his going to walk into your life and if your playing the IM STRAIGHT card you mister will loose out on the oppetunity because he will consider you hetrosexual and the advances wont be there... If i listened to people around me id be a homophobic, racist, arrogant little bastard to be honest as i was raised and preached to hate the following by a relative: Gays and lesbians, blacks, muslims, gypsies, fat people, too thin people, and the list goes on.... I decided why should i shut my life away for another person so i can be an image of what they want me to be.... Sorry darling doesnt work in this department im gay and proud to be gay regardless of shit that comes along... Life throws shit at everyone regardless of gender sexuality or race its part of life and the circle of life is the only thing that laughs at us all!

[WheresTheLove]

Society is far from normal, so who has the right to judge any minority group...after all in our own ways, yes even straights, fit into one or another 'minority' group.

Nope, most straights are accepting, it's only bigots that have the problem...BIGOTS - another minority group.

You don't have a clue.

You are extremely immature and exceptionally ill informed.

I'm just saying.

Way to be a dick. I've had thoughts of cutting lately, and you aren't helping. I try to be nice as possible but people are so mean to me. No wonder I have so many mental disorders. Naturally I would not, but people being mean have turned me into a mental trainwreck.

I don't know where you live, but, here, in the USA, straights do seem to gays, well, most. Or have an attitude where they don't need to be friends with them or acknowledge them since they have their own parades and LGBT groups they can go to, so they don't need straight people at all. I don't necessarily blame them, but, it is annoying, especially because I'm not good at passing for straight.

I only play the "I'm straight" card for my own well-being so straight men don't attack and murder me, and so I actually stand a chance at making friends, and so people don't judge me. And keep in mind though I'll only say I'm straight if I truly feel there may be a danger in saying otherwise or if I'm unsure about the person asking me. Otherwise I won't mention sexuality at all. And I won't actually do heterosexual things.