WheresTheLove Wrote:Way to be a dick. I've had thoughts of cutting lately, and you aren't helping. I try to be nice as possible but people are so mean to me. No wonder I have so many mental disorders. Naturally I would not, but people being mean have turned me into a mental trainwreck.
I don't know where you live, but, here, in the USA, straights do seem to gays, well, most. Or have an attitude where they don't need to be friends with them or acknowledge them since they have their own parades and LGBT groups they can go to, so they don't need straight people at all. I don't necessarily blame them, but, it is annoying, especially because I'm not good at passing for straight.
I only play the "I'm straight" card for my own well-being so straight men don't attack and murder me, and so I actually stand a chance at making friends, and so people don't judge me. And keep in mind though I'll only say I'm straight if I truly feel there may be a danger in saying otherwise or if I'm unsure about the person asking me. Otherwise I won't mention sexuality at all. And I won't actually do heterosexual things.
Hello,
I dont think difiant ment it the way it sounded.... I couldnt help but notice you mentioned sometimes ya feel like self harm... As someone who has been there and got the evidence all over ones self and now classed as an ex self harmer... If you want somewhere other than a post to rant in feel free to message Aunty as I do understand self harm and do understand that when people do it they do it for a cry for help not to be an attention seeker.... You dont need to let society push you down because im sure your like the rest of us in this world... Perfectly fine just the way you are =)
Kindest regards
Aunty Zeon xx
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Quote:Way to be a dick.
Sorry mate, you asked a question and you got an answer. It might not have been the answer you wanted to hear, but it is and answer. You can't ask a question on a public forum and expect everyone to say what you want to hear. The real world doesn't work like that  (Could have said the same thing about you in your OP, but I chose not to call anyone rude names)
Quote:I don't know where you live
As my profile summary to the left <----- says, I'm in Australia, a country that is a step behind the USA in Gay and Lesbian equality so there are many many similarities in our countries.
If you have mental problems you can't go around blaming eveyone else for that, that doesn't wash with me nor is it appreciated, it's just another sign of immaturity and the inability to accept what is real.
Repressing your sexuality and labelling yourself 'Ex-Gay' is not going to help you current mental condition, I'm not the only one with this concern, you are heading down a very lonely, repressive road that will only hinder any issues you currently have.
Quote:I only play the "I'm straight" card for my own well-being so straight men don't attack and murder me
In the 1990's and earlier I would agree with you, but this is 2011. There are no lynch mobs that go around murding poofs because they are poofs...doesn't happen. Instead of trying to be ex-gay, why not try looking at the positive things in live because you only seem to be looking at everything in a negative way, and thats no good for your mental health either.
If you feel persecuted, then obviously you are in the wrong environment, set yourself a goal to change that because people by and far are a shit load more accepting of gays and lesbians (Yes that includes YOU) than you are giving them credit for.
You can't take one bad experience for gospel and then close yourself of from the thousands of positive experiences in life. Open your mind, open your eyes a little more. The simple fact is a HUGE majority of straight men and women accept and embrace gays and lesbians. Between 60-70% of straights believe that gays and lesbians should have the right to marry...That statistic is basicallt the same weather you are in the USA, Canada, Australia, the UK or New Zealand.
The fact is you are wrong that most straights hate gays...you are looking at things all wrong.
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dfiant Wrote:Sorry mate, you asked a question and you got an answer. It might not have been the answer you wanted to hear, but it is and answer. You can't ask a question on a public forum and expect everyone to say what you want to hear. The real world doesn't work like that (Could have said the same thing about you in your OP, but I chose not to call anyone rude names)
Gotta love dfiant!
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Actually, there are plenty of areas filled with homophobes. And while only a small minority are willing to get violent over it a silent majority in many areas will at least not care what happens to someone gay and may even silently applaud the bashers.
And here in the USA, including California, anti-gay measures have continually succeeded in getting on the ballots and approved by the voters. That again strongly suggests it's not just a small minority who don't like gays. And that's before even looking how right wing extremist authors (such as Ann Coulter) and stories of hardcore fundie Christians (such as the Left Behind series that actually paints our underground patriot militias, the God worshiping ones anyway who tend to hate and sometimes actively seek to murder gays including one that bombed a lesbian club in Atlanta, in a positive light) are best sellers in this country.
Of course most homophobes and antigay folk say they're nothing of the kind, not even when they believe gays will destroy the country (or more accurately, make God destroy the country). I think the vast majority of white racists (and I mean the ones who believe at least 90% of all black people want to rape and/or kill white people) love to say how they're not racists, too.
Just to be clear I don't agree with the OP's sentiments, and I do think that as he did ask for thoughts (as opposed to validation) he shouldn't be surprised when he gets them, but I can understand how he'd come to have such sentiments.
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I have never thought about changing my sexuality, not since I was struggling with it as a teenager. When I was closeted and dating women as a teenager, that was probably the time in my life when I was the most unhappy. I couldnt imagine putting myself back in a position like that as an adult.
I find the whole ex gay movement interesting to learn about, I recently was watching a documentary about one of the larger camps for teenagers. All in all I find it pretty depressing to think about. I also want to back up the people who have said that of course most straight people don't have anything against gays. The majority of my friends are straight men, the guy I live with is straight. Its not productive to take an us vs them mentality. Mutual respect is the key to building good strong relationships with straight men. Just as it is with building relationships with anyone under any circumstances.
I can sympathize with guarding your sexuality for your own protection, just as you would guard yourself in other ways when you find yourself in a new and potentially dangerous situation. Im glad to live in New York where in parts of the city gays are not only accepted but crucial to the culture of the city, and where a strong gay community exists. But thats not where I'm from, and its not how my family life was, and its not how the entire city is. In the neighborhood I live in, I wouldn't dream of holding hands or kissing a guy in public. Just like I wouldnt walk down a dark alley in the middle of the night counting my cash out in the open. Or sleep on the subway with my cellphone on my lap. You can be smart and safe about what you do without changing or denying what you are, is I guess what I'm getting at here.
Also I'm a pretty private person. When I meet someone, I'm not like, Hi I'm Felix, I'm gay. I consider myself out though. Whether I were straight or gay, I wouldnt talk about my sex life to people I'm just starting to know, friends I'm trying to make. Being gay is a part of who I am, but its not all that I am. We all have a lot more to offer than just that, and being gay shouldnt be something that makes you nervous about interacting with other people. Let the rest of your personality shine through and when youre comfortable, or if it comes up, thats the time to talk about your sexuality. But sexuality doesnt have to be the first thing people know about you.
You mention cutting and self harm. Man, those feelings wont go away because you repress your sexual desires. Self harm is a side affect of the inability to express yourself, to vent, to get all those emotions out of your mind. Further repressing could lead to greater harm, or for you to act out in other ways. You need to seek out some sort of line of communication with someone, a good listener, where you talk about frustrations and emotions, so you can get that out of your head and not feel the need to punish yourself or in any other way inflict it on yourself.
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"Changing" or hiding my sexuality would be something that would tear me up more viciously than any homophobe on this planet...I've been in denial until the age of 17 which isn't nearly as long as countless individuals have struggled to keep their true selves at bay, however I got the gist of how frustrating it is...
If I am to pretend that I am something I'm not my entire life just to be able to live...how is that better than the punishment that awaits me for being the human I am? I may come off as blunt and insensitive but if there is something that frustrates me it is being forced to live a lie because society contains a couple of idiots.
I live in an area with very few homophobes and even fewer people who would actually express violence against a homosexual, which is why I am able to "talk big", though fear is what keeps us down...Suppressed groups always wait for a new Mahatma Gandhi but very few dare take that role upon themselves.
I may only be speaking for myself but I am going to die one day and I do F*cking intend to be me until that day, weather I die for that very reason or if its from old age in a bed.
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At 46 years of life, I can tell you right now that there are plenty of straight people who love/accept/affirm homosexuals. I have a plethora of straight male friends who do not feel uneasy around me - and if you want to delve into stereotypes I have a couple-three dozen 'redneck' male friends who embrace me as a person, not as a sexuality.
I am a 'straight acting' gay male. I'm not a fluff, queen, whatever. Sure I have my rare moments when I say fabulous, but all in all I am just a man who happens to be in a relationship with another man.
I do not go out of my way to tell people (strangers) that I am gay. I really don't give a flying frack what strangers think of me or my sexuality. If they want to believe I am married with dozens of children so be it. If that is what it takes to make them comfortable in this world I will not steal that from them.
But I would never sell out who and what I am just to 'fit in'.
I have never "fit in" - I walk to the beat of a vastly different drummer. After all I affiliate with elves - how strange is that? :tongue:
Being 'happy' with yourself is not running away from who you are, or pretending to be someone you are not. Everyone tries to "fit in" and in doing so they lose their personal identity and become yet one more plastic clone of the rest of society.
Screw that. Be who you are, live YOUR life - if people don't like it then they don't need to be around you. Besides, why would you want to be around people who love you for who you are instead of some mask you wear to appease their sensibilities?
You will not be happy with a woman. If you do find one, then you can never give her 100% - what she deserves and can only find with a straight man.
Do yourself a favor, stick with your own kind. Enjoy your 20's a gay man instead of fighting who and what you are for 10-20 years then becoming one of those old guys who drool at the gay bars wanting to recapture their lost 20's they spent hiding out of fear.
Fear - its the killer, the real killer of your joy, of you. Fear, it makes resentments and regrets and causes many people to imprison themselves instead of live.
Don't live in fear- but do live life to its fullest as who and what you are.
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your thinking way to much
just enjoy life
float your way through
melow down man 
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dfiant Wrote:Sorry mate, you asked a question and you got an answer. It might not have been the answer you wanted to hear, but it is and answer. You can't ask a question on a public forum and expect everyone to say what you want to hear. The real world doesn't work like that (Could have said the same thing about you in your OP, but I chose not to call anyone rude names)
As my profile summary to the left <----- says, I'm in Australia, a country that is a step behind the USA in Gay and Lesbian equality so there are many many similarities in our countries.
If you have mental problems you can't go around blaming eveyone else for that, that doesn't wash with me nor is it appreciated, it's just another sign of immaturity and the inability to accept what is real.
Repressing your sexuality and labelling yourself 'Ex-Gay' is not going to help you current mental condition, I'm not the only one with this concern, you are heading down a very lonely, repressive road that will only hinder any issues you currently have.
In the 1990's and earlier I would agree with you, but this is 2011. There are no lynch mobs that go around murding poofs because they are poofs...doesn't happen. Instead of trying to be ex-gay, why not try looking at the positive things in live because you only seem to be looking at everything in a negative way, and thats no good for your mental health either.
If you feel persecuted, then obviously you are in the wrong environment, set yourself a goal to change that because people by and far are a shit load more accepting of gays and lesbians (Yes that includes YOU) than you are giving them credit for.
You can't take one bad experience for gospel and then close yourself of from the thousands of positive experiences in life. Open your mind, open your eyes a little more. The simple fact is a HUGE majority of straight men and women accept and embrace gays and lesbians. Between 60-70% of straights believe that gays and lesbians should have the right to marry...That statistic is basicallt the same weather you are in the USA, Canada, Australia, the UK or New Zealand.
The fact is you are wrong that most straights hate gays...you are looking at things all wrong. Ok I'm sorry, it's just the last sentence you said in your first reply here, that I was being an idiot or whatever, I guess it kinda hurt me. :\ What you said wasn't bad, just the way it was worded.
Attacks and gay bashings still do happen today. Not as often, but the fact that I do occasionally hear about them here is scary. Usually they are on the more feminine men/masculine women. I'm not wearing pink and saying "Hey gurl you look fab!", but I'm really not a masculine guy at all so it concerns me because I have trouble faking masculinity at times. I know I'm way too paranoid, but that's just how I am. I'd rather fake friends than no real ones. I mean think about this: there's a watch you really want but could never afford. The fake version of it is extremely cheap. Would you rather that or nothing?
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Why repress your self because some others may disagree with your identity? Personally I don't want those friends anyway.
You aren't gonna find prince charming trying to repress being gay. Maybe instead of "ex-gay" you should become very gay. Get involved in the community, make friends and then you will find a man. Sounds much more pleasant than denial.
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