i want to be a boy but im not gay?

[alec]

Hey people, I'm gonna be 18 this year and then I can finally buy things online without any of my parents assistance. The first thing I want to buy is a compression-shirt.
I'm really loning for it cause I hate looking like a girl, to put it simply I want to look like a boy. I want people to think that I am a boy. But at the same time I don't want to be a boy, I want people to see me "looking like a boy" but still think of me as girly ... not sure if I am making my point here.

The thing is I hate stereotypes or w/e to call them, things like "you're girly if you wear dresses, have long hair, stilettoheals and so on" and when I tell my friends that I hate all that stuff they just say "youre not a girl! youre a boy!" and get sortof pissed at me.

In an ideal world I want people to see me as just me and not try to put me under any gender. But I know that wont happen...
Another thing is the fact that me seriously wanting to look like a dude messes other things up cause I don't know if any straight guy would want a girl that looks like a guy? And no gay guy wants a girl right? And I do not know if I'm into girls. I think that I could date a girl but I've never felt as attracted to a girl as i have towards guys.

I have had two boyfriends, I wasnt in love with any of them and I ended the relationship before we could get on with any serious business, so yeah i havent had sex or anything like that. I believe that if I get a new boyfriend I'm gonna dump him before it happens aswell. Often it feels like I just cant fall in love with anyone and that I'm never gonna find someone like me.

So what do you think about all this? Anything I need to explain better? I really want someones opinion about this. I dont have any friends in real life that i can open up to.

[James]

Hi Alec and welcome to the forum, sounds like you need to experiment to find your nich in life, your young yet, do as you like to find your place and where you are comfortable. Live life, James

[Nick9]

I hate looking like a girl, to put it simply I want to look like a boy. I want people to think that I am a boy. But at the same time I don't want to be a boy, I want people to see me "looking like a boy" but still think of me as girly ... not sure if I am making my point here.

Hi Alec,
well, if it was like this, it would be easy - simply dress like a boy. You wouldn't be the first one or the last one. But I guess it's not just the clothes, is it?

The thing is I hate stereotypes or w/e to call them, things like "you're girly if you wear dresses, have long hair, stilettoheals and so on" and when I tell my friends that I hate all that stuff they just say "youre not a girl! youre a boy!" and get sortof pissed at me.

First of all, find new friends... These don't look quite supportive or interested in you.
If you look around you will find out that a lot of girls don't wear stiletto, don't use makeup etc.

In an ideal world I want people to see me as just me and not try to put me under any gender. But I know that wont happen...

You can also look at this web: http://neutrois.com/

Another thing is the fact that me seriously wanting to look like a dude messes other things up cause I don't know if any straight guy would want a girl that looks like a guy?

Don't worry about this. Really. The look is not so important. Even at 17 it isn't.
You WILL find a boyfriend, even if you never wear a skirt and have your hair cut really short.

Often it feels like I just cant fall in love with anyone and that I'm never gonna find someone like me.

Sure you will
Try this http://www.susans.org/forums/index.php Maybe you will find something interesting there.

I would say start with the clothes and be comfortable in your own skin. Only after that you can start to think about your orientation or gender.

[ZombieSlayer]

sounds like you are trans* identity of genderfluid or genderqueer. if you wanna talk about it, feel free to message me.

[spencer]

In my circle of trans friends I have met/heard of a wide variety of people and these include those who neither identify as either male or female. They were born as female, pretty much look male but don't use any pronouns for themselves, just their name that they've probably chosen that is usually an unisex name. Sure, you're on a tough path, and who isn't? but you're not alone, there's a good little community out there that can relate to you and as I've been living my life in the trans community I've learned there's a pretty good amount of open-minded people so love is not lost for you.

[Rainbowmum]

You may just be a Tomboy.
Either way ,do what ever makes you comfortable , but please do not set out to deceive people.
It could get very ugly very fast.

[Pix]

One of the rare men I entered into a romantic and sexual relationship with was a straight (if bicurious) man who loved dressing up as a woman and he loved that I was such an androgynous "boi" (in this case "boi" means a very tomboyish lesbian) at the time. I regretted that our relationship ended, too, and I was very protective of him.

But thing is there are guys who enjoy girls with a masculine energy, and going by what I've heard from others these guys aren't always with a feminine energy but can be masculine themselves who want to be with someone who can be one of the guys (and won't give them crap for doing guy things). It's a rare guy like that, IMO, as plenty of guys told me that a girl that's TOO much like a guy becomes friend material rather than seen as a possible girlfriend, but they do exist and I feel confident that you'll find someone right for you and he'll be as glad for it as you are. mile:

ETA: don't know how relevant it is but I've known 2 women who felt they are "a gay man in a woman's body" and they got married. One I don't really know, she's the author Anne Rice (who presumably was happily married when she said this in an interview). The other (actually I only knew of her online) was married to men 5 times (IIRC) and at least some of them understood her view of herself and had no problem with it.

[bryandurel]

When I was your age, I found a lot of solace in literature. You're also very young so you do need to go out, experiment a bit and meet some people who have gone through such issues. Going to my first gay book store helped enormously and it's why I run my own store as an adult. I met some really great people there who helped me clear any confusion that I had.

[chillythoughts]

just be yourself and screw everyone else. thats all I gotta say.

[dfiant]

You're also very young so you do need to go out, experiment a bit and meet some people who have gone through such issues.

I apologise for what I am about to say and any offence it may cause.

This advice is so condescending and out dated and I wish people would stop saying it to younger people.

When I was a teenager and someone said the same thing to me, I wanted to rip their head off and shit down their neck as I knew I was gay when I was 11...hasn't changed in 32 years.

I'm sorry mate, but bad advice to give someone that is asking for help as it tends to make them feel ignored and pushes them back into the closet.