Need to rant!!!

[WaltHitman]

You're being fooled man. I still hate my mopther telling us how we felt when we didn't know anything but love and it was her madness and anger trying to hurt my father and martyr herself to us as if "she was the only one who really cared" - it's low and heartless but females will harm their pups to try and control a man. I don't know if they are actually capable of looking at their young as actual people but reather "posessions" and play dollies whose purpose it is to make them happy. You're a man. You will never harm their minds and heart like that because it is naturally repugnant to you.
1) Quit going to places and setting yourself up. Of course once you do and she figures that out, she will manipulate and try to force you into arenas or her arena where you are vulnerable. If you let her carry on and don't cave in to having a fit (like a woman) calm and reasonable responce will make her look like the bitch she's acting. When you let her win and walked off, the kids saw mom being mean to dad, knew they weren't allowed to say anything or mom would lay more mental emotional punishment on them so they clammed up and stared at you - what you need slapped for is not smiling at them with the love of your heart and saying something that reassured and let them knopw she wasn't driving you off and you weren't gonna ditch them. They know what a fucked up screwball she is believe me, but they will still love her.
2) What is this confusing psychotic crap about playing family? That is totally for her as she tries to force you to be hers and under her control. You are NOT a family. When ytou try to play family by her directions and rules - doesn't it seem rather faked up and pathetic? Can't you take your kids with you? You both really have no business crossing their wires all the time when you've already made it clear you aren't together and they will and need to adjust to the new arrangement wherein they get to keep you both but separately now. Again, you have let the one unfit for maturity and compassion guide and control the scene and it came out wrong because CLEARLY she cares more about controlling you than her children. She just proved that. People know too. they aren't stupid and they can see she how she's acting and where her real priorities are. Let it be so and you do your best to respond calmly and reasonably and try to make sure your kids understand the simple thing and you will totally beat her out - she is trying to alienate them from you by saying and telling them how they feel. You aren't expected to screw up their heads and make them miserable, you're the dad. You are the solid strength and love that doesn't require all the phony emotional bullshit and childishness she does to "maintain and control" her human relationships.
You really made a mess and used lives selfishly when you were weak but all you can do is go forward now and just be yourself, the guy that loves them most in the world. They know her games and how they have to "cater to and pity" her. They want to feel like they can turn to you and no matter what you will always smile and say "I love you so much! You are so neat! Everything is going to be ok you'll see." That is your job and you are naturally made to do it well yes?
You fooled her, used her and hurt her. when she finally gives up and turns human again that won't matter like it does now, but for now she's nothing but damage to everybody and she clearly demands that you "make it ok" for her too, like a little child like they are with their games, but she doesn't know how she wants you to do that and since you aren't going fast enough for her she is trying also to tell you HOW to make her better instead of following your lead like she originally demanded. You make it better for her by saying "It is totally over, I am sorry about it but not sorry and you need to move on and get your grown up life goiung and stop waiting for me or thinking I am going to come back because I am not." You know her and you will have to be careful because she may really try and hurt the kids or you bad - but step by step, fit by fit you can take her there if you STOP letting her reduce you to her level of misery and hysteria - she is saying she thinks she needs your help to do that and you'll clever up and be able to figure out how to help her better without letting her hook you or think she is going to. You can tell a two year old "no" and they will accept it and move on - tell a woman no and watch the tantrum destroy the world! Lol! But, it is a man's privilege and pleasure to "just say no" and God has given you great powers of "ignore" because he knew how girls are. He made them.
I will try to get back on here and be with you through some of this till you get women and children figured out better and happy in the places they belong, but my own life is a hectic place right now and I do have confidence that when you get your smile back on and feel a little better in your man this will all seem clear as glass and simple as pie. Meanwhile, SMILE at your babies and be a good ol strong happy loving dad who they can't wait to run to or it will be my job to find you and kick you in the butt. Much love to you man. Best wishes in your midnight meditations! Till next time...

[WaltHitman]

PS - in so far as your whining and what you are tired of bucko? Next time don't use live human females so damn cruelly and just quit bitching about what your tired of because you did the WORST thing to a human female you can do. You cowardly and selfishly let her believe it was real. Now knock that off and love up your mess because the quicker you do the happier, freer and so much better off ALL of you will be.
Again, much love anyway and good luck!
(When I was 18 I did it myself. She was 28. It lasted about a year. I was just embarassed about being gay, but I had few words that weren't justifications, lies or rationales. It was simple. When she wanted me I knew I was gay but tried anyway then I left her to go be a fag. I was sorry but life gets funny sometimes and sometimes we make a mess. That's about that.)

[princealbertofb]

as u say,,, its mind games so hang in there, i know members past and present who have been through this and have come out the other intact ,,its a shame she is using your children though ,, i would at least try to speak to here about not using them as pawns,, this must be upsetting enough for all of you - take care m8

INTACT??? It may not be the right word, Matty, even if I know what you meant. The right word would be battered and bruised but you do get over bruises. Maybe they make you a better man, for having taught yourself to use them as a lesson in life.

[archubbycub]

Gee! Thanks Walt! Just when I'd put the guilt to rest over all this. You're about as good as she is at that!

[princealbertofb]

Now is maybe the time to go and stay with some friends, or a friend??? Maybe you should also agree with your wife that you are not going to discuss anything relative to your now dying relationship in front of the kids or when they are at home. If you need a good talk, or even an argument, do so when they are out with friends, their grandparents, their uncles and aunts, at school, whatever. Go and see a counsellor and discuss things there. If things get heated and your children are not going to understand why you are fighting (they are still quite young), just walk away. Remember you are doing this for two reasons. One is to stay sane (keep your sanity) and the other is to keep your children from hearing all this dissention. They can only interpret it in a bad way. Before you leave, explain to them that you are going elsewhere to spend the night, but that you still love them and that this has nothing to do with them. Just that since you and your wife are both unhappy at the moment, you want to avoid making her crosser or more unhappy by fighting, and that the best solution is to go and calm down. Like when they do something bad, they are sent to their room, or something, to think about it.

[monk]

You seriously need to take some time for yourself and r-e-l-a-x.


Desiderata.


Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

[archubbycub]

Thank you all for the advice and for letting me rant. I really think this is all about to come to a conclusion. Whether it's a peaceful one or not remains to be seen. I know I want to part on good terms, simply for the kids. But I'm not sure she'll mature enough to do so!

[Rikki]

"Are you scared?" She's not asking how the kids feel, she's telling them, its probably more reflective of her own feelings.


"Hugs" what a horrible situation bud.

[archubbycub]

I hadn't thought of it that way, but you're right. We had another blow up today and I'll admit that I didn't handle it all correctly, but there is only so much shit you can take. I finally told her in no uncertain terms how I felt she was playing my emotions and using the kids. Her response was she was not trying to do that and I responded back, "Well you are!" I'm so ready for this marriage to be over and done!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Actually you are dragging the kids through your life mess.

My father dragged me through 5 of his marriages (stability, who needs it - right?) There was a profound affect on my take on what 'normal' is and what to expect in life.

Mommy and Daddy fighting has a profound impact on kids as well. My earliest memories (around age 3) was my mother and father having a huge ass fight in a parking lot. In fact all of my earliest memories (around age three when my parents divorced and my father stole me) surrounds fighting parents. Well the only exception is the one where my Uncle wrapped a car around a telephone pole. I meet Mr. Windshield that day, the first time I broke my nose.

These are my foundation memories, what are your kids' foundation memories?

I really can't recall the 'good times' in my childhood with my folks and their relationships with other people. Maybe there just wasn't any? Or maybe its because the traumatic way things play out tend to have a more profound and deeper impact on the psyche than the joyful 'good days'?

So are the traumas your kids are going through now going to be the stand out memories they carry for life, or are you really building joyful moments that overpower the the bad days?

Understand she thought she was in a marriage with a straight man. YOU betrayed the trust. YOU lied.

Why does she have to play nice now? You didn't, if anything you purposefully ripped her heart out of her chest and are now joyfully jumping up and down on it with your "new" gay lifestyle.

Bad enough to be left for another woman, imagine the horror of being not woman enough to where your husband leaves for another man.

Yes I am taking the wife's side, yes I am taking the kids' side. Someone has too, its not all about you, it is about them too.

She doesn't know what normal is, this is really a sad, terrible statement of how badly you have wrecked her life. She is hurting, hard. She is in pain - agony, and she sees her life, her dreams have become shattered dust which you seem to enjoy to crush beneath your feet.

And your kids are watching it all. They may not understand the ins and outs, but they know that Daddy is hurting Mommy. They know that Daddy has suddenly become unstable and that their happy home is no longer happy. I don't care how old or young they are, you are having a profound impact on them by changing everything in their life.

Mom knows this, and of course she is going to remind you that your a father first and foremost - and you are, for life.

IF that means you have to sacrifice Theatre this summer to be a father, then you better grab gasoline and matches and burn the theatre down. Kids come first - I don't care who you are.