I'm young and naive, so I need some opinions xD

[spencer]

My boyfriend is currently working for the carnival right now. He called me last night and told me that they have offered him a position to come back next year for the season (Which is 6 whole freaking months) and he'll make 400$ a week all under the table. We discussed earlier about him going back and told him I couldn't do it. I need stability and even after I've shed some of my separation anxiety it's now just the simple fact that I need stability especially in a relationship. So I told him that as of right now I can't do it, I can't handle the thought of him going away again. He said that he will probably not take it then because he would not want me to stay with him if he were to hurt me that much. He's got this thing about if he ever treats me horribly he expects me to break up with him, which we both no won't happen but it's his sort of way of making sure he's nice to me I guess. xD

I did tell him that maybe once the season is over and I can actually be with him for a while I won't be so traumatized over the thought of him leaving again but that I would probably still feel the same. Now, if he DOES go away again I can guarantee that I will be in therapy at least once a week to deal with it. But, the thing is 400$ a week is a good opportunity to take. So, I've been thinking about considering (but not actually considering) telling him that I think he should go back for one more season. The problem is I have to take care of my mental stability (and as you all probably know I don't have much of that).

I get money is necessary especially when your young and starting out, so you have a good foundation to build on. But I'm at the point where it's at what risk? If I'm freaking out he's not there it's going to put a strain on the relationship so I'll have to do all I can to keep myself stable but I don't know how perfect it can be. I'm not sure though, am I thinking like one who is naive and completely smitten over this guy or am I actually thinking logically about the relationship.

I've also told him that I don't want to stop him from going but I just need him to understand my feelings about it. So I'm trying not (and I think succeeding) to be trying to control what he does. I just have to think about myself as well. I'm also getting a bit jealous of his coworkers and it even annoyed me greatly when he talked about how he's really hit it off with the person who offered him to come back next year, because they get to spend time with him and I don't. So I'm really resenting his job and I know that if were to keep going back ever year it would be a deal-breaker and become it's either me or the job. Right now I'm just trying to do what's necessary to keep both of us happy. The decision doesn't have to be made anytime soon so no definate answer will come until some time as past and we've seen if mine or his feelings have changed.

But I dunno, you gotta sacrifice in relaionships, right now I'm sacrificing my mental stability for this season and maybe in return he'll have to sacrifice this job next year >.>

What do you guys think? I'm crazy or no?

[Daniel]

I don't think you're crazy Spence. You want to be with the person you love, that's normal and since he has been gone for so long already, getting this info now will of course have nothing but a negative effect on your psyche.

However there is one question that needs to be asked. Money is technically Lust colored green...does your boyfriend NEED the money? Will it give him a foundation that is REQUIRED? Because if this is all about having EXTRA money, I really dun think that it is worth putting you through all of this.

If he truly needs that money for some reason then I guess it is an opened door...no matter the painful winds that enter through it.

[spencer]

I don't think you're crazy Spence. You want to be with the person you love, that's normal and since he has been gone for so long already, getting this info now will of course have nothing but a negative effect on your psyche.

However there is one question that needs to be asked. Money is technically Lust colored green...does your boyfriend NEED the money? Will it give him a foundation that is REQUIRED? Because if this is all about having EXTRA money, I really dun think that it is worth putting you through all of this.

If he truly needs that money for some reason then I guess it is an opened door...no matter the painful winds that enter through it.

I'm glad I'm not really crazy. Lol.

Well he needs a job and there opportunities available to him that don't require going away. I mean, the money would certainly set up a good foundation but I think he can accomplish that the same way normal people do with like a normal job and not making me live in an apartment by myself for 6 months. :K

[Nick9]

Is there any chance you could visit him during those 6 months? For weekends, for your holidays? Or maybe even travel with him?

[Nick9]

but I think he can accomplish that the same way normal people do with like a normal job and not making me live in an apartment by myself for 6 months. :K

Be very careful to tell your partner what job he should take, or that you want him to take a certain job. Always try to get to know in advance how touchy subject it is.

[pellaz]

look at the total costs; apartment, living expenses for both you and your partner. Living apart may not be thrifty, maybe it would be. Maybe the difference dosnt warrant being separated.

[spencer]

Is there any chance you could visit him during those 6 months? For weekends, for your holidays? Or maybe even travel with him?

He'll be able to come home occassionally on days off when he's in nearby areas. So probably next year on average it'd be a few times a week when he's nearby. When he's not that's about 4 or so weeks of not seeing each other. Right now we're doing less than that though because of his lack of car but I believe he got one? I'm a bit confused on that situation. I couldn't travel with him though. They only allow employees in the trailers and that seems like a silly reason to take off work.

Be very careful to tell your partner what job he should take, or that you want him to take a certain job. Always try to get to know in advance how touchy subject it is.

I know, I always tell him I can't tell him what to do, but I have to be honest about how I feel about things because I believe in honesty and communication. Since we are in this together after all.

look at the total costs; apartment, living expenses for both you and your partner. Living apart may not be thrifty, maybe it would be. Maybe the difference dosnt warrant being separated.

That's a good idea. Just making an educated guess but I'm pretty sure it doesn't warrant a separation~

[spencer]

I was also thinking about suggesting maybe doing half the season, or just doing the local shows which he already talked about doing. Compromise I guess.