SO, I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half now. We live together. I know he loves me A LOT. He cares for me. Even though we fight and argue many many times I know he loves me. For the longest time now I have been asking him to go get tested for STD's etc. and he always throws a battle about it. Telling me it costs too much, insurance issues. I got tested about 8 months ago and I was fine, so he keeps telling me that If im clean, so is he because he would NEVER cheat on me. IDK what to do. SHould I be worried? AM I overreacting? I'm afraid he's hiding something from me. Thanks for your help!
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Hi and Welcome...
the answer would be very simple for me ... no Test = nothing without protection.
Anything without protection is a game with your life .... tell him that very clear..... and no compromises !
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It's not an a chore to get tested, it's an obligation...without a clear test, there is no sex without protection...safer sex all the way mate, and keep using those raincoats (Condoms) until you know your partner has fulfilled his OBLIGATION and been tested. Not everyone shows syptoms of STDs.
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You know, maybe he thinks you're insinuating something? I know you aren't, but he might take it that way.
Why not suggest that you both go in and get tested at the same time? At least that way, he wouldn't have a reason to throw a whole 'why am I getting tested and you aren't?' thing at you.
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Well, unless you "insisted" he get tested BEFORE you 2 had unprotected sex for the first time, its kinda inappropriate for you to keep pressering him about getting tested.
I'm guessing that when you 2 first started seeing each other and were in the throws of infatuation, you both engaged in unprotected sex - and it wasn't until after you were officially dating that you started on the "getting tested" line.
Now, is it unreasonable to ask? NO. Should you two have had this conversation BEFORE you had unprotected sex? YES.
It's easy for others to pull the hard line position - no test, no unsafe sex, but the reality is, if you've been having unprotected sex for months, and your test 6 months ago came out negative, and he's NOT given you any inidcation that he's cheated on you - then YOU should get tested once more and if it comes back negative for STD's - then you need to let it go.
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first off welcome to gay speak
-you said you guys argue more than expected. It takes to to argue so suck it up, break the circle. You take the lead. Once the war zone has cleared re start the communication/ respect/ trust. Get some lgbt couples training if its available in your area. Is your husband worth it, start small and go to a group session or two. get some hints
-if things are somewhat unknown you should get tested at least twice, 3mo apart, to get the best information available. Get tested; a panel of std's, AND the hiv ( you can do this at home ).
-as mentioned above, if you trust your partner has been faithful i dont see the big need. Maybe during the yearly physical, get a hiv&std blood work panel done than. You need to create a environment and a rule that if either one cheats he has a god given right to tell the other partner and the partner has to say nothing bad. But be thankful he is kept informed.
-if a partner tells me i need to change a personal habit i feel its a must do thing. We share each others bodies and each of us have debs into how we live. Depending on the request it is a deal breaker, serious. Getting tested is way up there no matter what. Wait for a calm moment and make your request in a nice/ firm way.
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1. Public health does free clinics in every city in the USA for STD testing, especially HIV/AIDS. IT is 100% free and 100% confidential. Until I got 'married' and settled down with a family doctor, I would go every 6 months to the County Seat to get a blood draw and the test.
2. The biggest potential issue here is HIV/AIDS. No I don't mean he has it, I mean he may be terrified that he has it thus is in a steady state of denial, and 'hides' from it as much as he can. The apparent apathy may actually be true terror.
3. My partner came home with a positive test score a bit over 2 years into our relationship. He got 'diagnosed' after a break out of shingles, the doctor insisted on a test for HIV. Yes we got tested in the first year of our relationship and he came back negative.
At the time he (my partner) told me that the doctor said it was possible to go years before a viral load became high enough to be tested for. 5 years after testing positive the whole real story came out, my partner had cheated on me.
You are not immune from HIV - ever. I don't care how faithful your partner appears to be. Appearances can be (and I fear often are) deceiving.
Should you not trust your partner when it comes to STDS? You betcha - if you like your healthy life you should be suspicious of his dick and where it has been before and during your relationship.
People like, some people lie often and without remorse. The problem with liars is you never know who is lying until the truth comes out. And in this case the truth may be your own positive test score... you don't want to go there, so a little 'mistrust' is forgivable.
So I strongly suggest you stop having sex with him until he marches his happy ass down to the public health office and gets the basic tests he needs. This is not a punishment, this is you protecting yourself.
If he can't comply with this, then I strongly urge you to rethink this relationship and weigh the risks with the advantages.
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BeautifulBlue Wrote:You know, maybe he thinks you're insinuating something? I know you aren't, but he might take it that way.
Why not suggest that you both go in and get tested at the same time? At least that way, he wouldn't have a reason to throw a whole 'why am I getting tested and you aren't?' thing at you.
I've suggested that we both go..but he still throws a fit. He acts like its such a long dreadful process. He told me he went to go get tested with his ex....and then after that we got together, I got tested, I was fine...and he tells me that because I'm fine, he's fine too. But for the longest time Ive told him to just go get it done for me...to calm my nerves...and he doesn't want to. I dont want to be negative and just assume he's out cheating on me...I just like to be on the same side ya know. and God forbid he has cheated on me, I still want to be safe about my own health.
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I've suggested that we both go..but he still throws a fit. He acts like its such a long dreadful process. He told me he went to go get tested with his ex....and then after that we got together, I got tested, I was fine...and he tells me that because I'm fine, he's fine too. But for the longest time Ive told him to just go get it done for me...to calm my nerves...and he doesn't want to. I dont want to be negative and just assume he's out cheating on me...I just like to be on the same side ya know. and God forbid he has cheated on me, I still want to be safe about my own health.
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Seams pretty strange, alright,
you should just keep trying to get hime to go as a couple,
i heard even if you are in a long term relationship , you should still go every half a year
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my boyfriend doesn't want to get tested
