Why is he hot, then cold? :(

[GJR1984]

Hi everyone it’s been a long time since I turned to this forum for help and the feedback you all gave me was really appreciated! I hope this can be repeated in my latest life dilemma lol.

Well I started a new job around last week and mostly what I do is reception duty and I work in the transport department too. When I went for my first days orientation last week I noticed this cute guy who comes in and helps out part time. Now when it comes to trying to start a relationship I prefer a strong friendship before attempting to take it further.

I’ll try to do a timeline now of my interactions with him and then conclude on why I am so confused by him. I haven’t known him that long so it’s possible this might also be a factor in my confusion :/

1) The first day I saw him he was sat opposite me from reception (with his back to me) and, yes, I was looking at him. A few seconds later he turned to look at me (he knew I was in there btw) and I just tried to make it look like I was looking around reception.

2) Next, I was in the kitchen area making a drink. He turned up at the door (I thought he might say hi at least and we could have a conversation) but he looked at me, I think started to look a little nervous, and put down on the side what he was carrying in.

3) My next interaction with him I was taken off by the midday receptionist and I was asking her if she wanted a drink. He was coming through the main lobby door and saw me and held the door open for me. Unfortunately I wasn’t ready to leave and spent 15ish seconds writing down what the receptionist wanted to drink. Once I was ready (he was still holding the door open) I walked past him and smiled, nodded (a stupid habit I've had since a kid lol) and said thanks. He smiled and said ‘no problem’ and I went into the kitchen area.

4) I think my next interaction was when I was asked to join the manager (and this guy) in a discussion. The manager asked him to show me where something was upstairs. He went through the door first and held it open for me; he got about half way up the stairs turned round, told me his name, and we shook hands. I told him it was nice to meet him. He was quiet on the way up and I said hi to a colleague and my colleague said hi to this guy and all he got was a quiet hi. Well he laughed at one of my stupid jokes on the way back down (but for the most part was quiet). Now when we got to the bottom of the stairs he held the door open (I expected him to go through) but he didn’t he held the door open for me and smiled and I said thanks.

5) The next time I saw him he was in the kitchen and I was going in to make drinks for people. He saw me (went a little wide eyed I think) and looked a little nervous. Well I asked him if he wanted a drink and started to have a great conversation with him. I wasn’t able to maintain eye contact with him all the time but I did now and again. He opened up and talked a little bit about himself and his interests and was smiling all the while he was talking. It was a little of a one way conversation and I sort of ran out of ideas (I was a bit nervous myself, really). Well he left when I ran out of ideas and said I could come and sit in with a group he was mentoring because I have previously said I had nothing to do. My great luck I was given a task to do by manager and was not able to come and sit in with him.

Now this is where it gets odd:

6) I saw him I think the day after and he was glancing at me from time to time but I was a little busy doing my work. At the end of his meeting I tried to make eye contact with him so I could say hi and explain why I wasn’t able to come and sit in with him. I met his eyes once and immediately; he turned his eyes to the right and then down to the ground (he did this 2 or 3 times). I was a bit annoyed honestly at this and decided to not bother with him anymore that day. I did see him once more in reception when I was getting something out of my bag he was talking to the manager and had his body turned to me but I just walked past him.

7) The next day I was on reception and just around when a group was about to start I looked up from reception (he must have seen me through the windows) and he walked straight past the door! And I was thinking WTF? lol. I mean why not just come in and sign in? I can only guess he was trying to get in through the back door and avoid me. Well I have no time for games and went back to work and about 1 minute later he comes through the door to sign in. I said hi to him and he said hi (and smiled). We had a bit of a chat but he was walking to the other door and I just left it at that. He stood and looked at me for a while, while I went back to work. Well what was I supposed to say if he wanted to get to his group. He took his seat with his back to me again.
I just really want to know why he seems to be hot, cold and then hot again? I think he’s around 21; just a few years younger than me. And also why would he not look at me and then walk straight past reception to avoid me? I’ve never had anyone treat me like that before.

I mean yes he’s cute but I would value his friendship above anything else :/ sometimes I have to go into his group if I need to talk to one of the participants in there. He notices me and turns to me but I think honestly he’s just a little surprised to see me in there.

Does anyone think he’s worth trying to make friends with? And if he dislikes me then why not just say so?

I’m sorry this is a long read everyone I’ve tried to condense it as much as I can. I’ll try to answer any more questions you have but as I’ve only known him for a few days that might not be possible. Any help will be really great! thanks.

[pellaz]

welcome (back) to gs

sounds like your doing ok, give it some time
maybe his last office bromance (if any) was not as expected
some people have no need for friends on an emotional level,

[East]

The one thing that stands out to me when I read this...he likes you but most likely has some issues that may include anxiety or shyness or maybe even a confused sexual identity that might prevent him from behaving like he might want to behave. The glimpses you see are maybe all he is capable of....

...so if you are interested start a friendship and let it take it's course and keep your empathy open...don't have any expectations because there are so many factors at play that anything can happen....

...you really have no way of knowing what is going on inside someone else and it gets kinda hard when you see signs of encouragement and then signs that suggest the opposite.

[zeon]

Hello,
The best thing i can say is do what i do... Treat people you work with for what tyhey are... collegues... I personally wouldnt have sex nor a relationship or friendship with any collegue except my ex who i met before he started working in same company... l would say also be professional at all times and of course be polite it may go from there but to be honest dont worry about it just think to yourself if this goes no where what u dont have u wont miss

[GJR1984]

Thanks for the replies everyone I feel a little better about things now and i'm starting to put it all into perspective.

Pellaz - thanks for saying i'm on the right track I hope to keep going and see if anything comes of it.

Cast - I must admit I hadn't thought about whether he was shy or, perhaps, had some kind of social issues. I guess it's not right to presume everyone you bump into is the same as you or your peers :/ he's such a nice guy that I feel he's worth more effort. That might explain why he walked past reception that day when I wanted to shake some sense into him ha!

Zeon - I agree with you about keeping personal/private life separate; I had to learn the hard way lol. Thats why i'm glad this forums still around coz this isn't really an issue I would want anyone at work to know about. But I will be prepared if it's just friendship he wants or if he wants to be left alone.

Well the only way I can see to go forward is to try and sit in, in one of his groups If my thread is still open i'll post an update - but that might take weeks if at all.
If anyone else has any advice please keep it coming - I just think he's an interesting person and I want to get to know him better

[GJR1984]

****PLEASE CLOSE THIS THREAD*****

Thank you PA for the big hug - it really helped cheer me up

[princealbertofb]

GJR, looks like that's what you'll have to do anyway... Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again... but with a different romantic prospect. eh?
So you think just a friendship is out of the question?
and good luck.
PA

[warmpixels]

I think he may have just trying to be polite... or trying to make a friend... and then got confused because you may have mistook that for attention...

There are just so many ways to interpret his reaction.