07-27-2012, 06:21 AM
Sometimes I feel like if being gay also meant you possessed telepathic abilities, that other gays would read my mind and think I'm some sort of coward or bring shame to gays across the world. I know that sounds bizarre but it's just how I can express how I feel on the situation. I don't like being in the closet merely because I'm someone who holds strong to who they are and so a part of me feels ashamed that I'm not fessing up to everyone that I'm gay. Like I should be working to make a difference in the world for us all and using my passionate, loyal side to do good.
I don't really want to come out of the closet though? It sounds stubborn and scared but it's not. I just can't think of a better way to say it. So many important figures in my life have made me think twice about being in a relationship. Right now I'm just living my life for me. I am being a liar when I have to discuss my sexuality but I just don't want to deal with all of that yet. It's not because I will be ashamed of who I am. Coming out will just create all of this drama and a hurricane of feelings and for what? I won't be any different. I don't hide any sides of myself. If everyone found out tomorrow I was gay and was accepting of it... I still wouldn't do anything any differently in my life. No new behaviors.
I don't see me being in the closet as a bad thing. I just think in my past I may have been scared and missed the right opportunity to come out. Now I'm supremely comfortable with who I am. Gay or not. I don't want to come out until I have a reason to come out.
Opinions on this? Do I make sense? Am I a coward? Do I bring dishonor to the gays?
I don't really want to come out of the closet though? It sounds stubborn and scared but it's not. I just can't think of a better way to say it. So many important figures in my life have made me think twice about being in a relationship. Right now I'm just living my life for me. I am being a liar when I have to discuss my sexuality but I just don't want to deal with all of that yet. It's not because I will be ashamed of who I am. Coming out will just create all of this drama and a hurricane of feelings and for what? I won't be any different. I don't hide any sides of myself. If everyone found out tomorrow I was gay and was accepting of it... I still wouldn't do anything any differently in my life. No new behaviors.
I don't see me being in the closet as a bad thing. I just think in my past I may have been scared and missed the right opportunity to come out. Now I'm supremely comfortable with who I am. Gay or not. I don't want to come out until I have a reason to come out.
Opinions on this? Do I make sense? Am I a coward? Do I bring dishonor to the gays?