I don't want to?

[santaberry]

Sometimes I feel like if being gay also meant you possessed telepathic abilities, that other gays would read my mind and think I'm some sort of coward or bring shame to gays across the world. I know that sounds bizarre but it's just how I can express how I feel on the situation. I don't like being in the closet merely because I'm someone who holds strong to who they are and so a part of me feels ashamed that I'm not fessing up to everyone that I'm gay. Like I should be working to make a difference in the world for us all and using my passionate, loyal side to do good.

I don't really want to come out of the closet though? It sounds stubborn and scared but it's not. I just can't think of a better way to say it. So many important figures in my life have made me think twice about being in a relationship. Right now I'm just living my life for me. I am being a liar when I have to discuss my sexuality but I just don't want to deal with all of that yet. It's not because I will be ashamed of who I am. Coming out will just create all of this drama and a hurricane of feelings and for what? I won't be any different. I don't hide any sides of myself. If everyone found out tomorrow I was gay and was accepting of it... I still wouldn't do anything any differently in my life. No new behaviors.

I don't see me being in the closet as a bad thing. I just think in my past I may have been scared and missed the right opportunity to come out. Now I'm supremely comfortable with who I am. Gay or not. I don't want to come out until I have a reason to come out.

Opinions on this? Do I make sense? Am I a coward? Do I bring dishonor to the gays?

[princealbertofb]

I think you are just a very private person, obviously and you consider this too intimate to share with just anyone...
It's very difficult to feel sufficiently confident when the environment is not good enough. It's like being a plant or a tree, if the earth around it is arid and dry, or lacks enough fertilisers and nutrients, it doesn't thrive...
Do you feel that you are this plant but not in the right soil to thrive and grow outward?

[princealbertofb]

As a second thought. No I don't believe you are a coward, just cautious, or comfortable as you are... I wonder, what would you consider (a) good enough reason(s) to come out?

[santaberry]

My sexual preference has just never really mattered.

If I ever found someone that I felt was worth it. Then I would come out if it meant taking our relationship to a whole new level. I am aware that I might regret it if that relationship didn't work but at least then I would be out. I don't know if I will have a relationship ever though. I don't feel that it's necessary for me?

[santaberry]

Don't act like it's not possible for a gay man to get drunk enough to have sex with a woman or vice versa.

I may not like rice but if I get hungry enough I will eat it. I "prefer" not to.

Sexual Preference doesn't sound like that at all. I may prefer one restaurant and you may prefer the other. That doesn't mean we choose what food we like. We have taste buds. We like different things. Sexual Preference just means you prefer one sex over the other. It's not saying you can help it.

[princealbertofb]

I think the advice to come out when you're ready makes a lot of sense. For the moment, you're just not ready to do that. No dishonour in that.

[santaberry]

I mean I understand that if I did come out then any disagreeing with the way I choose to live my life from those around me would be nipped in the bud and gotten out of the way so if I ever did get to where I wanted a relationship I wouldn't have to deal with it then but... why cause more stress for myself right now? Why not wait until I have someone to help me with it? lol

I don't know. After 11 years I just have a chance to have a life and I'm confused as to what steps to take first.

[East]

I have to admit the whole "closet" and "coming out" process is a bit of a mystery to me.....

I told my entire family I was gay approx 10 minutes after it occurred to me...that was in high school...I was done with it after that....

Other than that it is hard for me to remember anyone else who I announced I was gay to except occasionally when women were trying to seduce me and I did it then so they would stop.

I have always felt my contribution to the gay people who will come after me is that I behaved in a manner in which I respected myself and who I was and I made being gay a complete non issue and (not surprisingly) I am treated by my straight friends and colleagues with nothing but respect and my being gay is a non issue for them as well. I have never hid it but announcing I am gay is so odd because if someone announced to me they are straight I would probably burst out laughing.

I know I am not a coward so I am thinking maybe you are not a coward eithermile:

[pellaz]

its important you come out if and when it fits your benefit.

-usually a person who is out has worked it out inside him self first. Knowing your preferences keeps you from getting pregnant, married and a family. all or parts of this, a gay man can not fully emotionally support.
-gay or straight most people just dont care today as compared to just a few years ago.
-friends should continue to support you gay or straight. You might loose some acquaintances.
-not being out will narrowing your field of view. Boy friends are precious and difficult to find. the good ones.
-good to have people judge you for who you are and by your actions. Not by innuendo/ rumor. Most close people already know.

[72jay]

What you are saying makes sense, and I deff do not consider you a coward or anything.



I don't wish to be/not ready to be out, and see nothing wrong with remaining in the closet. (I'm 'out' to myself and myself only...as far as I'm concerned thats what counts really is no-one else's business)

Also where I live it would not be a good idea to be out..infact it would probably end badly if family/neighbors/etc found out...