Honestly I don't know what to do. Any advice?

[iKenney]

Well, I've met this guy. This incredible guy. But, I'm kind of stuck on what I should do. He is a previous addict (opiates), in recovery and doing amazingly well. No drugs for over 6 months. Only problem is he is on probation and has to be home by 7pm. He still lives with parents (college student) and they don't let him out of the house except for school. He "goes both ways" but says he has fallen completely in love with me. I care about him a lot as well. The only problem is that if I want to see him, it has to be late at night. I work early in the mornings and can only see him on the weekends. I go over at midnight on the weekends, and stay till 3 or 4 and do it again the next day causing me to sleep in all weekend. I love him to death and enjoy every moment we have together, but I just feel like this won't work out being that I can only see him on the weekends. He never initiates a conversation via text. I always have to. I care so much for him, and can't stand being away from him, but is it worth the wait of 11 months to be able to see him more often?

[fenris]

'Hi and Welcome :-)

11 month are hard in the beginning but in 6 month it are only 5 month What I want to say is : For a good man is no Time to wait to long and 11 month are not THAT much.
If he don´t start a conversation... just do it .... I don´t start a telephone call with my man...I don´t start to mail with him ... I hate SMS... and for me ( I´m a macho ) it is just his job to call me .... but tell him if you want that he should do more conversation from his side ....
maybe it takes just a lot of his power.... because he was addicted.

I have to take opiates since 3 years ( morphine ) and it take much of the power I have ... If I´m fully on morphine...I´m tired..... and if I´m not fully on morphine I´m nervous and have conversations difficulties and concentration difficulties .... so give him a chance, it´s not a easy time for him.... and it can take a long time to overcome an addiction.

[BeautifulBlue]

I was going to agree with Fenris. I've had family who have gone through drug problems (on both sides of my family, my dad's being more severe) and from my experience I've learned that recovering drug users struggle with things like communication, control, etc. Like Fenris said, he just might not be a 'first to talk' person, or it's possible that whatever addiction he had is preventing him from socializing properly. Drug use takes a long time to recover from, and though six months seems like a long time to us, in the grand scheme of things (especially for recovering addicts,) it really isn't.

I do have to say, though -- good on you for giving him a chance. That only proves how accepting and open-minded you are.

As to him being on probation and having to wait... all good things come with time. People who are in love with each other make it work. I have a friend here in town who's partner had to move to Chicago for his job and they were separated from one another for about sixteen months. They alternated weekends flying to Austin/Chicago to spend time with one another, spent holidays together, talked daily, communicated through text and Facebook, etc.

As I said, love finds a way. It may be complicated at first, but it eventually works out in the end.

[pellaz]

-Re arrange your schedule. Get some serious sleep as soon as you get home form work. Turn things off and set an alarm.
-Ask him if you can talk talk to his family and his counselor. get the facts. Tell him its un exceptable he ever lies to you and this is or is not an open relationship you are headed towards.
-educate your self about what you are getting your self into. There has to be lots of information out there.

... He never initiates a conversation via text. I always have to. I care so much for him ...

This is a very bad sign. If he is not thinking of you he is not in a relationship with you. I would be very worried if i was you. I wish you could find a stronger runner for a boy friend. The probability of his re addiction surfacing again is high. The re hab clinics are less than professional, often as corrupt as the police and they strive to be profitable cost wise.

... He "goes both ways" but says he has fallen completely in love with me. ...

Will he still be totally in love with you after his 11mo's are up? Watch out if he reverts to his old friends.

... but is it worth the wait of 11 months to be able to see him more often? ...

If you ask me your getting into stuff you dont know anything about. Maybe you do. My advice is lower your expectations; he is a friend, bring him through his crisis. See how he performs back in real life. It is going to take some time, date him if he shows signs of strength and this will have to come from with in himself. just thinking the probability he is going to be drug free and more functional than before is low.

So very sorry i had to say these things. be strong and best of luck

[iKenney]

Thanks guys.... I just hope things do work out. I can't even get him to speak to me today. I've written him several times and Im just getting 1 word responses. He's been in an I don't care mode all day and it's kind of upsetting. We will see. Thanks everyone for the advice.

[gilhooly]

Your guy has a problem with addiction. Love feels like an addiction to people in love. You could do a lot of harm to this guy. You say he has fallen in love with you. But you say you are "stuck" on him. What in God's name does "stuck" mean. He don't describe him as confused, but you sound confused. Make a commitment one way or the other and stick to it. He will get over you, but the longer you string him along the more addicted to you he will become. Protect yourself. Protect him. Use your free will and decide the best thing for both of you. Try to be completely truthful with each other. You enjoy the truth he tells you, you will make up your mind and nit have a lot of doubts. Doubts lead to break ups. Love is based on the truth. Try it. Confess to him, not to us, he is the guy you may stay with for a long time. The truth works.