Really need help with coming out

[Buring]

I wish the best for you, I honestly do.
It's sad to think just because your gay, which is not that big of a deal... People would ditch anyone.

For the most part...You don't have to come out and say it...If you ever meet a guy you could always ease into it...Like if people were to see you, could say... "Oh, yea I am gay" and what not...
The thing about coming out is, you have to be 100% confident in yourself, and be happy with yourself before doing it.

Or it'll be a shock.

Just be yourself! Don't worry about coming out if you feel like you cannot.
The only reason I came out, was because people found out and it was a shocking way for me to come out...I didn't tell people, they did.
I told them after the whole mess of them finding out.

[nikgee]

I can not offer any advise as my life runs similar to yours. I figured I'd check to see if I could apply any advice to myself. Just to let you know you are not alone.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie you are putting way too much pressure on your self.
Living too lives , one of which is a lie ,is very hard ,and unfortunately, you end up losing the real you in the process.

There comes a time in life , when you must stop living your life by others expectations.
If just the thought, of coming out is depressing you , then wait.

Right now you have this whole play running in your mind , right down to the manuscript ,lines and who will say what.

Calm your mind , be still stop the play from running.

You will be surprised at how quickly your mind changes ,when the situation is your child, friend ......
As for your friends , well if they cannot accept you for who you are and be there for you , they are not exact friends .

We are all here for you.

[James]

At this point in my life I don't advertise nor do I deny, I have equality now and coexist stickers on my vehicle, but just as straight folk don't intro themselves " hi i'm john smith and I am straight", I don't say hi I'm james and gay. I think I would fall on the floor laughing if a straight introed himself that way. James

[princealbertofb]

I think most of my female friends and actually, a lot of guy friends are gay affirming, but it is just so hard for me to tell them that cause i've been living like this for my entire life, and the fact that once I tell them that im gay, there is no way back, makes me scared as hell..I am such a coward and pussy...

Funny that, when you consider the use of words... guys tend to like ''pussies''.... just a thought.

[princealbertofb]

Behrens, I would tackle the gay affirming bros first, maybe one by one, or in pairs. Start with the ones most likely to accept you as you are, and tell them it's something that you are ready to discuss with them if they are comfortable with it, and that you'll keep it quiet if it actually bothers them. I mean, you haven't been ''in their faces'' until now, why would that have to change?

The only thing is, now when they speak about their girlfriends and future wives, you'll get an equal opportunity to talk about who you are thinking of partnering... Deal?
Deal!!
Fair is fair.

[princealbertofb]

Buring, i feel really happy for you..and honestly a little bit jealous too...so many people are jealous of me because i have best grades at school, very good career future, lots of friends, good looking, good body, seems to have a perfect family, but nobody knows my pain, nobody knows how jealous im of all the other people, nobody knows that i will sacrifice all my other “halo" if i can make the whole world accept us gay people..i love my parents, i dont wanna hurt their hearts; i love my friends, i dont want them to ditch me; there are too many things that I cannot give up..i know it sounds contradictory to my past point, but im a contradictory person anyway..

This post shows that you are a very sensitive (and intelligent) person, and I wouldn't be surprised that those are the qualities people like about you, your family and friends and connections.

So, Chin Up!! You are worth anyone else on this earth. You have your own stone to bring to the edifice of society... where is it? Maybe it's a gay stone, but it'll build the fabric of tomorrow. Times are changing. :biggrin:

[pellaz]

you need to accumulate some gay affirming friends. Make the bar experience work this way but also you might volunteer, join gay clubs etc. A girl friend hag works well for a gay man. ...

to quote myself
what i meant is create new friends and be out to them. provides a cushion to fall back on if things dont turn out as expected if when you come out.

[princealbertofb]

I agree with Pellaz, I think it has been easier to tell new friends that I was gay right from the start, and not have to dispell misconceptions about me. New friends are a good way to do it. They can bring you immediate support, or just not be your friends at all, if they disapprove.

[Blue]

I know it is hard to come out, especially when you know your family and most of your friends will not be accepting of you being gay but, there comes a time for everyone when we simply have to do what is best for ourselves and let the chips fall where they may.

For some it's pre teen, some teens, some young adult, some senior citizen but it happens to all of us. No it isn't easy and yes rejection, loss and even being disowned hurts like hell, but as humans we can and do survive it, rebuild our lives and end up happier, more at peace with who and what we are and, stronger for it.

I understand that you are still dependent on your family for financial reasons. Unless you have friends you can stay with until you get on you feet, you need to get that sorted out first, don't want to end up homeless in a worst reaction possible scenario.

You know you have some supportive friends. Have you actually asked them what they would do if they found out a friend they thought was straight turned out to be gay? Maybe that would help you if you had some idea of how they would react.

From the sounds of it, you are making yourself miserable and, at or near your breaking point. Being gay is not a choice, it's simply how we are and, how we will be for our entire lives. As hard as it is to come out, the short term negativity it will bring is better than a lifetime hating yourself and hiding who you really are form the world.