I think my son is gay. How can I help him?

[dfiant]

Is this the one you are looking for? Confession Room: Age

Thats the one, thank you

[Lynnie]

Dfiant,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I am doing my best and yes my father and sons are all wonderful people (although my older one's sarcastis sense of humor takes some getting used to....he got that from me though). I was kinda kidding about the locking him up in his room thing. You know how fathers always say that about their daughters. They know men can't be trusted! Last week he actually told me that he's a mama's boy and proud of it. lol I just don't know what the hell is the matter with kids anymore. When I was in school I ALWAYS stuck up for kids who were getting bullied. I learned at a young age that they were all about mental abuse and if you showed them you weren't afraid of them they generally backed down. It just seems like the more adults try to push tolerance on them the more they act like pack animals. A lot of it has to do with parenting though and the lack thereof. I confronted the father of 2 of the boys that torture my son and he told me "My kids can do whatever the fuck they want." He beat a hasty retreat when I threatened to take a baseball bat upside his redneck head. Back in the late 90's I used to do behavioral therapy with troubled kids and I never saw anything like what "normal" kids are doing to each other now. I never realized how many boys were molested until I did that job. Almost every kid I worked with had been sexually abused and most of them were boys. It causes mental trauma that is manifested by a lot of anger and behavioral problems. Not one person had ever even been charged for what they did to any of the kids I worked with. It was so sad really and shows what a joke our justice system is.

[OrphanPip]

This forum succeeds so often at making me feel like a prude.

[Mr. Not So Lonely]

talk to him let him know you love him

[fenris]

I want to say something to the - maybe - early sexuality part. I think that - if he knows with 10 that he is maybe gay.... he is a sexual being, too. Maybe just in his head ... but I don´t think that the knowledge of a sexual orientation and the own sexual being can be separated.
I grow up in a very free home ... I was very early sexual active ... my mother caught me first time with 7 and a much older boy.
What I want to say is that my own experiences show me that support is very important. I always knew I can go to my mother if something was in my mind .... She always said that nobody can prevent sexual activities ..... and for her it was important that I was safe and don´t do anything secretly in bushes or forests
I think today it is more important that you can intervene if you see that something goes a wrong way ... you can watch that your son protects himself and others ... maybe you do it with a red face....but you know that all what he does is OK...he is safe and he can feel safe, he can talk to you if he need it and can ask if he feel unsecure.

[angiemari]

I agree with everyone. Just continue to be there for him and support him and let him know that who ever he turns out to be that he will always have the love and support of his family. My youngest son is defiantly more on the feminine side. He loves dresses dolls purple having his nails polished and make up he's way too young for me to have the talk but I'm just letting him be who he is and as he eat older that wont change. People can be cruel and as you sai ignorant and unfortunately you will find that everywhere I hope that everything works out and it sounds like e has a wonderful mom!

[avidcyclistMTB]

First of all, you're doing great as a mother! It's refreshing to see someone so supportive and concerned about their child. I did not get what you are giving.

Secondly, you are worried about the lack of social interaction from the home schooling standpoint, but he's getting tortured at public school. I would think that a little social stunting would be preferable to having the crap beaten out of him and constantly being picked on. It might be a refreshing change and wouldn't necessarily have to be permanent. Perhaps in a few years when he settles into his teens, he would be ready to take on the challenge of public school again with more confidence.

Third, if you truly are going to consider relocation (which I understand, given the area you live in) you are still going to run into some of the same problems (especially when the "new kid" "might be gay"). There are ignorant and mean people everywhere, but that said, here in SW Massachusetts things are pretty decent. MA is a gay marriage state and we are close to NYC so the gay population is fairly high here and well tolerated in general. Feel free to PM me if you are truly considering relocation and interested in our area.

Keep up the great work and I hope this all works out for you and your family.

[James]

Hi Lynnie, if it becomes a legal issue, you may want to google lambda legal as they have much experiance in gay rights in schools, and thy are geaed for those kinda challanges, on another note 5th degree tai chi, but that is a defensive art, James

[TryingNewThing]

A lot of great advice here.

And Lynnie, you're a great and responsible mother. Your son is very lucky to have you as support. mile:

[ChadCoxRox]

Lynnie, It might help to get to know the guidance counselor/social worker staff at the school where he will be going in transition from elementary to middle. If the adults "around" know what a parent expects and that a parent WILL show up as needed, it changes the dynamic in your favor. I would want my child to be aware of what I know, think and feel as openly as is appropriate and that I am interested in knowing who and where the available supports are that could be trusted. If you find what we all would hope are acceptable supports then the process will be easier to go through. Best wishes!!